CHAPTER 2

It was my first public appearance since the day I'd returned from the hospital four years ago. Dressed in an all black funeral attire and a net fascinator, I enter the church premises, somewhat annoyed at the paparazzi taking photos of myself and my son. We enter the church. Thankfully, the service hadn't begun. I can see aunt Ruth smiling and talking to the priest. Louis runs towards her. She turns around, looking down at the child holding on to her dress. Our eyes meet. We smile at one another. She picks Louis up and from a distance, I can hear them giggle.

My eyes fall on my mother, Judith. My smile disappears. She gets up. I stand there, trying to figure out a way to avoid her.

"You can't run away forever, Natalie."

"I'm sure you didn't miss your check this month. Can you not pretend today? At least, let's be silent, for Uncle Mark."

"Honey, I don't understand why you're so mad at me. It's been years. Are you going to act that what you see as my one mistake didn't turn out to be your greatest blessing? Your son?"

I look at her, disgusted. She had a point, but it still didn't make up for her forcing me to marry Lucas. "If that's what you tell yourself everyday so you can sleep peacefully at night, have at it, mom. After all, who am I to steal your happiness and peace of mind? I'm not you." I walk out on her, annoyed.

"My darling," Aunt Ruth and I hug. I sniff in the smell of her Lemon blossom scent.

"I've missed you. Are you okay?"

She nods. "I'm a strong woman, Natalie. I learned from you. I'm okay. . . It's just that I'm a bit nostalgic. How are you?"

I smile. Sadly, I didn't have an answer to that question.

"God be with you." I hear the priest say.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, sir." I say, extending my hand for a shake. We shake.

"I understand. Love really is blind."

I chuckle. "Well— Aunt Ruth interjects, "Excuse me for a moment, someone just came in." I nod at her. Louis takes her hand and they both go together.

"Why do you look defeated, child? You're in the house of God. You cannot be sad here."

I look at him, uncomfortable. I honestly hadn't sat down to talk about my feelings with anyone since I lost my child and since Luke's disappearance.

"If you're scared, you can always talk to God, or talk to me in secrecy."

"Secrecy?"

"Confession. Confess your sins and drop your burdens before the Lord. I guarantee you, you'll feel much better, child."

I wanted to. I needed to speak to someone. The past few years, my heart had been heavy. I was carrying so much burden inside, that I'd forgotten how to be happy. "Can I do that now?"

"Well, of course. I'm officiating the service today so, unfortunately, I'll be unable to hear your confession, however, walk through that door, one of my brothers will attend to you."

"Thank you."

*****

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

"You May confess your sins before God, knowing fully well that I am bound by the oath of secrecy of confession that I may not speak a word of what I shall hear from your mouth to another soul."

I heave a sigh of relief. It was time to get some things off my chest. "I lost my legs a few years ago. I just recently started walking. It feels really good to walk again, you know? Considering I took it for granted."

"Why? Were you involved in an accident?"

"Yes. I was shot in the belly. It pierced my spine. It was really horrific."

"How did you feel after getting shot? Was that your sin?"

"I cannot explain how I felt, father. I don't know how to, but it was not a good feeling. Well, the incidents that led up to it. . . were my sins. I was driven by my desire to avenge those who wronged me. In the end, my revenge consumed not only me, but the life I carried inside of me."

"What did you to achieve your goal?"

"I lied. I manipulated men. I lied again, and again. I used my body. I held someone against her will, father. I admit, she was a horrible person but I'm even worse for stooping so low. I conceived a child for a man whom I didn't love. I used him to get what I needed for my revenge. I was already in love with my child, the moment I found out about it. I cannot forgive myself knowing that I was unable to protect my child."

"Well, child, did you complete you achieve your goal?"

"No. I didn't."

"How do you feel about it? Do you feel remorseful to those you've wronged? You see, the first step in repentance is to first accept your sins, forgive yourself and feel remorse for what it is you've done." The priest states.

It was as that moment it hit me. I did feel remorseful towards Alex, Jennifer, my dear child and Luke. However, the rage in my heart burned dangerously for Laurel. It was as though my hatred for her intensified by a thousand folds. Deep down, I knew I would do a thousand times more of what I'd done to her before. She cost me my child and made my life stop for four years.

"Do you feel remorseful, child?"

"I feel remorseful towards everyone but one person, father. I know I cannot be forgiven until I forgive and let bygones be bygones but— my child was taken away from me by the wickedness of someone. I lost four years of my life, father. I can't seem to forgive or forget."

"Revenge is for the Lord, alone. It is not our responsibility to avenge ourselves. You must learn to forgive, dear child."

I get up from the seat. I knew all too well, although Laurel has mysteriously disappeared, she wouldn't leave me be. Every night I went to bed with the fear and anxiousness of not knowing when she would show up to harm me or my son. As long as she was alive, Laurel would never let me be.

"Forgive me, father. I might need it."

******

Uncle Mark's memorial service was over. I'm exiting the church, walking towards aunt Ruth, Louis, Delores and my mother. Aunt Ruth was busy talking to a few people while holding Louis.

"Louis!" I call out to my son as I see him walking towards the side of the church. Aunt Ruth was too engrossed in her conversation to notice. Thankfully, Delores was quick to notice. She goes after him. I go after them.

"Louis!" I whisper yell as soon as I get there. He looks at me, batting his long black eyelashes at me. My heart melts.

"Why did you come here?" I ask, caressing his head. I hug him.

"I wanted to have this mommy," He says, raising his hand to show me an orange juice box.

"This? Who gave this to you, Louis?"

"That man!" My son responds, pointing at a man who's now heading towards a black SUV. I take the juice box from him. "Delores, please, wait in the car."

I get up and I begin to go after the man. Who the hell was he and why did he give my son a juice box? It could be poisonous for all I knew.

"Hey!" I chase after him, as he continues walking. It's as though he can't hear me or he's pretending not to.

A few days later. . .

"Bye, mommy!" Louis tells as he rushes into his classroom. It felt surreal. It was the first time I was accompanying him to school. I didn't want to let him go. I wished I could stay with him all day.

Putting on my shades, I turn to leave.

"You're Mrs. Carrington?" A lady, dressed in an expensive Giorgio Armani suit asks me.

I take off my shades, again. "Yes, correct. Who's asking?"

She gives a small laugh. "Rosette. Rose, for short. I'm the principal. It's nice to finally meet you." She extends her hand.

"Oh? Hello, Rose. I'm glad to be here, finally." I respond. She was a tall woman, maybe an inch taller than I was. She had fair skin, just like me. She was a brunette, her hair styled similar to mine— retro.

She smiles at me as we shake. I didn't like her. "I hope to see more of you in the future, Mrs. Carrington."

I break the handshake. I smile at her and head out. I could feel that there was some awkwardness in the air. Something was definitely off with her.

****

I drop a rose on my father's grave. "I'm sorry for not visiting you sooner, dad." The last time I'd visited his grave was 4 years ago, when I'd made him a promise. The promise to ruin Lucas, burn his company down and bring the ashes to his grave. A promise I'd failed to keep.

"I know that Lucas still has some explaining to do, as to why he married me by seizing my family's wealth and how he got our family's power of attorney." I kneel on the floor. I continue, "I have to break my promise, dad." I say, mid-tears. "I know Lucas has done some horrible, horrible that honestly, even I myself I'm starting to doubt. However, he's the man I love and he's the father of your grandchild, daddy. I want to forgive Luke. When he returns, I want to start afresh with him and my son."

****

I wipe my tears off my face. I take deep breaths. I alight from my car and I head towards the massive building. C.I had changed tremendously. The logo, the graphics and decoration of the building. Everything had been modified. I want to turn around and leave, to prevent remembering the awful memories I'd created here. The memories I'd witnessed here. I ball my hands into fists, trying to fight the urge to not run off like a coward.

One step at a time, I force myself into the building. My eyes are glued to the floor. I stop. I release my hands. I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I look up and I scan the area. I give a smug smile.

"Is this the part where I re-introduce myself or I say happy new year?" I ask, my voice loud enough for everyone to hear. I needed to put on a show, show everyone that I was still the same as before, strong and ready to take back my business.

"Good morning ma'am!" I hear multiple choruses. I smile in response and I begin to head towards the elevator. I pause when I see a familiar face, heavily pregnant. I fold my arms. She looks shocked, her face pale, as though she'd just seen a ghost.

"Psst." I state, walking close to her. She clutches her stomach and I can't help but chuckle internally. She eyes me and takes a step back. "Forgive me, for calling you that way, it's just that, at point, I don't know what to call you anymore. Kelly Andrews, Kelly Claire or, is it Kelly Davies?" I ask, referring to Caleb's last name.

"You can walk."

I laugh hysterically. I wipe the tear from the corner of my right eye. "Did you think I'd be crippled forever?" I move closer to her. "You sure do make a power couple with Caleb, don't you? The husband's ambitious and the wife too, is just as ambitious as her husband is. How fitting."

"No, I never did. W-why, why, would I think that?"

"Don't ask me questions, Kelly. That ticks me off." I say, and I turn to walk away. I pause momentarily. "Pregnancy does suit you."

*****

With every step I take, the nostalgia rushes in like a fountain. The memories come flooding black as heavy and fast as the waves of the ocean. It's as though I can see him everywhere, feel him and smell him. I hold onto the railings in an attempt to compose myself.

"Mrs. Robinson!"

"Is it Robinson? I thought it was Carrington?" I hear the employees whisper amongst themselves.

"Good morning ma'am. Welcome back."

"It's Richardson." Another whispers.

I sigh, embarrassed at the topic of argument. I walk away, heading towards what used to be Luke's office. It's empty. I walk straight to the nameplate and I scoff as I see the name written on it. Caleb Davies, Vice President. I pick up the glass nameplate and I take a proper look at it. I walk behind the desk and I sit on the chair. I turn it around to face the window.

For too long, I'd been unable to get to the root of Jennifer's murder and find out why exactly Caleb had been sabotaging Lucas. For all I knew, Caleb could even know where exactly Luke was. What if he was keeping Luke captive? My subconscious asks me and I sit up, alert.

"Kelly, this is work. It's high time we stopped getting cozy and making out in the office." I hear Caleb's disgusting voice speak. I spin the chair, and four years later, I'm face to face with Caleb, the very man that could be behind my husbands disappearance. I smile at him as his face drops. To say he's shocked could possibly be an understatement.

"Don't you read the papers? Magazines? Tabloids? No?" I ask, as I cross my legs.

"Natalie. . ."

"Natalie?" I repeat, eyeing him from head to toe. "Seeing as you've become the VP must've had you confused for a moment that you think you and I are on a first name basis." I tap my fingernails on the desk. I sigh. "I must say, you've done and still are doing a great job with the— my, company."

"I didn't know you would be here, you should've informed me I'd have—

"You'd have? Prepared flowers? Given me a box of chocolates? This is my company, Caleb. I don't need to inform you before coming. I admit, I did give you the authority to run the company in my absence but, I'm back now. I can take it from here. I'm capable. I've always been capable."