Chapter 15

Shaking, embarrassed, Camryn shut the balcony door and walked inside their bedroom to the adjoining bath without looking at Troy. It was entirely possible she’d crumble to dust if she had to interact with him right now. She closed herself inside the bathroom, locked it, and ran hot water in the massive tub before stripping to get in. Bringing her knees to her chest, she let the water warm and, hopefully, soothe her.

What had happened out there? Okay, well, Troy had kissed her. That much knowledge she’d retained. No one had been around this time, so it hadn't been for show. So why, then? A whim? To prove a point? At first, he'd acted like he wanted to. She wasn’t an idiot. She'd felt his response. He’d been an active, willing participant and turned on. Except, afterward, he'd backed away, rather abruptly and with a look of pure horror on his face.

The incident ran through her mind from start to finish, needling at the memory to pick apart details. And her heart fell as hard as her mood. Like a slap to the face, reality hit.

Maxwell had been right. She had no passion, no appeal. As cold as a fish and just as unattractive. If that weren’t true, Troy would’ve had a much different reaction to the kiss. Right?

A ball of shame and mortification lodged in her throat and her sinuses stung. Her chest hitched and she pressed a hand over her mouth to hide her cry, dropping her head to her knees.

With Maxwell, the things he’d said had hurt. They’d been in what she’d considered a committed relationship, only to find out he’d been unfaithful and had never found her attractive. In truth, she’d been more embarrassed and angry than wounded. Which said a lot. But, with Troy, just for a second, she'd wanted to be more. To let go and let emotion guide things. Succumb to the mood and be somebody he desired. Someone fun and beautiful and passionate.

Someone, it appeared, she wasn’t. Hot tears trekked her cheeks. Her chest ached.

Served her right for wanting what she couldn’t have, no matter how fruitless or short-lived. For thinking, for just a fraction of a moment, she could be like his other women. The worst part? Troy had known her nearly all her life. If he hadn’t thought her worth the tryst, then she may as well throw in the towel on considering dating someone new. Plus, he was a friend, her brother’s best friend, and an honorary member of the family. She’d have to see him all the time and often. How could she face him now? How could she look him in the eye and pretend she hadn’t been affected, humiliated beyond recognition?

Pretend it didn’t matter, that’s how.

She’d been doing it her entire life. Hiding vulnerability and masking pain. The black sheep, the ugly sister, the boring colleague. She’d been protecting herself from those around her long before Troy’s impromptu kiss and this wedding. She could do it now. And would.

Rising, she pulled the plug, dried off, and redressed. Glancing at herself in the mirror, she noted her eyes weren’t red from her brief crying jag. Drawing in a deep breath, she twisted the knob and stepped out.

Troy was already asleep in bed, his back to her, breathing deep and even. Good. That’ll help her cause.

Padding barefoot across the hardwood, she slid under the sheets and switched off the lamp. Carefully, in order not to wake him, she rolled on her side and stared out the French doors into the night. Moonlight filtered into the room, stars winking against the sky.

He’d made her wish on a star. Why, she hadn’t a clue. She’d never felt so stupid in her life. As a kid, she used to do that, until she'd realized wishes were frivolous, silly things. A waste of time. They didn’t come true, especially for her. But when he'd told her to close her eyes and cast one out, she was eight years old again, hoping for things that would never come.

For someone like Troy to want her.

He’d been pressed up against her back, shirtless and warm. Safe and sexy. Had her caged in his solid arms like he’d been wanting to protect her or simply be near her. On a balcony in the dark, no less, under the stars.

What had she done? Wished for? Him.

“Camryn.”

Though she hadn’t been moving, she froze anyway, holding her breath. He hadn’t rolled over, so his back was still to hers. If she didn’t respond, hopefully he’d assume she was asleep.

Just as she was beginning to wonder if she’d imagined him calling for her, another “Camryn,” whispered intimately in the dark.

She let out a quiet exhale and shut her eyes. “Yes?”

“About what happened out there…”

“Stop.” No. No way was he going to add to her humiliation by apologizing. “It’s okay, Troy. This is a long time for you to go without someone. I know it meant nothing.”

Her chest felt like it was cracking open. She pressed a hand there to quell the pain. When he didn’t confirm or deny her statement, she closed her eyes once more, hoping for sleep.

Several moments passed, then, “What did you wish for?”

She opened her eyes and focused on the stars again. Why had he made her go out there and do that? To make fun of her, make her look as stupid as she felt? “You said not to tell you.”

Not that she would. That was more embarrassment than even she could tolerate.

The bed shifted as he rolled to his back. “I want to know. Please.”

No, he definitely did not. She swallowed and forced her voice to sound normal while she lied. “Rain. I wished for rain.”