Chapter 10: Mystery

To me happiness had always been something constant. Not fleeting moments which seemed to evaporate as soon as they occurred.

No, happiness to me had never been those brief moments of ecstasy which I knew would never last forever. To me happiness was reassurance, happiness was something eternal.

When I thought about happiness, the first thing that came to my mind was my childhood.

When I thought about happiness, I thought about my father, about Daniel and Jacob. The everyday routine we shared, having dinner together, watching TV, laughing at lame jokes

Happiness was love.

Happiness was safety.

I understood now that Will never got those things. I felt a wave of sadness hit me as I thought about the little boy who had gone through so much, scared and alone.

"Why do you care?" He repeated again softly. His eyes swirling with so much emotion, it made my heart skip a beat.

Why did I care?

Did I care?

Yes. I did. I cared for him.

For some reason I cared for this man. This beautiful, cold and somewhat terrifying stranger I'd just met. It broke my heart to see him in pain. The tears flowing down my cheeks were clear evidence of that.

"I wish I could make all this pain go away." I whispered surprising even myself. Will's eyes widened and I heard him suck in his breath sharply.

"You can't." He said making it sound more like a question than a statement. His eyebrows were furrowed together and his lips pulled down slightly into a small frown.

He seemed to be having trouble absorbing what I was saying.

Up until now Will had always been so confident, so calm and composed, even frightening at times. Never once had I seen him like this.

Confused. Vulnerable. Dejected.

"How long did it go on for?" I asked him quietly. He trained his eyes on the wall in front without uttering a word. He stayed like that as the seconds ticked by and just as I thought he wasn't going to answer me he spoke;

"Ever since I could remember. All I can recall about my childhood was being tortured and abused by my father." He ran a hand through his hair absentmindedly.

"It never stopped. Not until I turned eleven and my mother finally left him, taking me with her. It was a year later that my mother met Carl and we moved to Japan. Things eventually got better then."

My heart clenched as I thought of the small innocent boy getting beaten and tortured by his father.

That monster! I felt my anger flare up.

"Why didn't you tell the authorities? They could've helped you! Why didn't your mom call the police? “I asked angrily.

"He threatened her. Told her if she did that he'd kill me. I watched-" He closed his eyes as if the memory was causing him physical pain.

My heard went out to him.

I wanted to comfort him and ease his pain.

But when he opened his eyes I involuntarily recoiled away from him.

Gone was the vulnerable and dejected man I had seen earlier.

His eyes flashed, the anger and hostility I saw in them made me gasp.

He continued to talk but his voice was like venom now. He was spitting out the words like they tasted foul in his mouth; "I watched as he abused her, verbally and physically. I was too weak to protect her and too afraid of him to reach out to anyone for help. I was pathetic, I just watched as he tortured my mother!"

"It wasn't your fau-" I started but before I could finish my sentence he cut me off.

"When we finally escaped I promised myself I'd never let harm come anywhere near my mother again. I had to stop being a pathetic coward and be the man she needed. So I did."

"Will, I'm so-" I tried once more but he cut me off again, silencing me with a quick gesture of his hand.

"You know how I did it? Stopped being a coward?" He let out a humorless chuckle.

He leaned in closer, so close that I could see each and every detail on his perfectly sculpted face. I looked into his eyes and two emotionless grey pits seemed to stare back at me.

I shuddered.

He seemed to notice my reaction, and a ghost of a smile, almost a sneer formed on his face. I grimaced and looked away from his scrutinizing gaze.

When he spoke again, his voice cool and composed like it usually was. I kept my eyes trained on the ground.

"I stopped feeling." He whispered and I almost yelped as I felt his breath on my face.

When had he gotten this close?

"Feelings make you weak. They make you afraid. I started listening to my brain not my heart. I stopped trusting people." He paused.

I could feel his gaze on my face.

I couldn't show weakness. I knew if I did I'd lose him.

I'd lose him to the darkness inside of him. The darkness that had made him believe he was a monster. I knew he wasn't, he was a good man. I saw that now I just had to make him see it.

He leaned back a little and continued "People hurt you, they betray you. Caring for people makes you weak and trusting them makes you vulnerable. This world is no place for cowards."

I finally forced myself to look at him. He was looking at me like I was some sort of puzzle he couldn't put together.

"Do you understand, Marriah?" His voice was soft but it still held firmness.

I cleared my throat before speaking. My voice sounded breathless and timid, foreign to my own ears. Never had I been effected by a person like this before.

"Caring and trusting people makes you stronger sometimes. If they're the right ones."

Will looked amused he raised his eyebrows slightly waiting for me to continue, and I did.

"Like with your mother. You cared for her so you became stronger, to protect her. You love her and you trust her so you want to keep her safe. It's love that gives you strength Will. It's love for a person that makes you want to live on and keep fighting."

He was quiet for what seemed like a long time and finally he spoke.

"Besides my family there's no one on this planet I could possibly trust." He added darkly

"You can trust me. I want you to trust me, okay?" I whispered

He kept his eyes trained on mine. Daring me to look away.

"You don't know what you're saying, that's the last thing you should want." His was tone cold and flat but I caught a hint of emotion in his eyes which I couldn't recognize.

I held his gaze.

I wasn't going to back down now.

Not when I'd gotten this close.

I was determined to unfold the mystery that was Will Grayson.