Chapter Ten - Cheap, disgusting, used.

"I asked for another update on Emily, she's still stable. It's a good sign."

I let out a relieved sigh, my shoulder slumping in relief. We were all told a few hours ago that her and the baby would be okay but I still couldn't relax. She's my best friend. I won't be able to stop worrying until I can see her with my own eyes. I can't believe I almost lost her, the thought terrified me. Tobias slowly walks towards me and takes a seat, the creases around his eyes deepening due to his exhausted state. If he looks like that, I must look terrible.

"Do you want coffee?" I murmur, rubbing at my eyes sleepily. They were beginning to sting from lack of sleep, growing heavier by the second. "I need caffeine before I end up sleeping for days."

Ivory walks through the door, her hand wrapped tightly in Ben's, her boyfriend.

"Hey sis." Tobias acknowledges her before nodding a greeting towards Ben. I smile at both of them, yawning for the tenth time in the last minute. Tobias turns back towards me, his hair ruffled messily —

"Instead of coffee, why don't we go back and get some sleep?" His words are drowsy, drawled out longer than usual.

"Yeah, you guys should go back to ours. I'll call you when we're allowed to go see Emily and the baby. It won't be for hours yet." Ivory explains, giving us a sympathetic look.

I give Ivory and Ben a grateful smile and stand on my feet, wavering a little from my exhaustion. Tobias' hand shoots out, landing on my waist and he steadies me.

"Lets go before you pass out from exhaustion and end up in a hospital bed too."

I want to respond but feel physically and emotionally drained. All I can muster is a small smile. Tobias leads the way out the door and I follow him, my eyes feeling heavy and in need of sleep.

*****

The entire ride is silent. Neither of us have the energy to spark up a conversation. I don't mind, a comfortable silence falls upon us and my thoughts turn towards Leroy. I pull my phone out and ring Mum, waiting for her to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mum, its Trish." "Hey honey."

"Did Leroy get to school okay?" I ask quietly, running a hand over my face. I rub at my eyes, forcing them to stay open.

There's silence on the other end.

"Mum?" I question, the anger bubbling inside my stomach. It's mixed with nerves and fear incase Leroy is hurt, or scared.

"I didn't send him to school, he said he feels poorly. He didn't even realise I was gone all night. I got back this morning and he was waiting for me to give him some breakfast, it's no biggie Trish."

"It's no biggie? Are you being serious right now? You left him alone all night!" I argue back with her angrily. I'm well aware of Tobias who's completely silent beside me, keeping his attention on the road as he drives.

"I don't need you to lecture me Trish, I'm the parent, not you."

"Start acting like one then!" I yell, hanging up on her. I slam my phone down onto my lap, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. My fingers press into my temples as I attempt to soothe away the headache beginning to form.

"I take it you don't want me to drive you back to yours?" Tobias asks, turning to glance at me for a few seconds. I pull my knees into my chest and rest my head on them, staring out of the window as we drive.

"Take me anywhere but home." I mumble, closing my eyes. Only a few seconds pass before sleep washes over me, the motions of the car rocking me into a deep sleep.

*****

"Trish, wake up. Come on Sugar. We're here."

I want to open my eyes but physically can't. They sting in protest and stubbornly remain close, drifting me back into a dream. . .

I hear a sigh but it's distant, barely audible. Firm arms wrap around me, one around my back and the other under my legs. In my dream, I can feel myself flying, my body floating through the air. The scent of musk and soap wrap around me and I sigh contently, snuggling into my covers deeper. They smell so good, like. . . Tobias.

"Tobias?" I murmur.

"It's alright, I've got you. Go back to sleep."

I feel lips press against my forehead, lingering on my skin. A small smile appears on my face and I nod slowly, giving in to his voice. The smile remains on my face even when he places me down gently onto his bed, the scent of him completely suffocating me. He's everywhere. All around me. The mattress dips and I hear another sigh before warm covers are placed over me. I snuggle in deeper, the smile on my face never fading.

"Goodnight Sugar." He whispers, the mattress dipping again for the second time.

*****

I wake to the feel of my phone vibrating in my back pocket. My eyelids flutter open and I'm in a strange room, one I don't recognise. The familiar panic feeling settles inside my stomach and my eyes widen as I sit up abruptly.

No. I can't have done it again.

My eyes drift over the covers on the bed, landing on a sleeping figure beside me. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, tears forming behind them. Why? How?

I feel the bed move and he turns over in his sleep. My eyes widen in shock as they land on Tobias' sleeping form.

"Tobias." I whisper, my voice wobbling. He opens his eyes and I immediately jump out of bed, my legs buckling underneath me. I'm still half asleep, disorientated.

"Trish? What's wrong?" Tobias asks sleepily. The covers pull down as he sits up and I notice he's shirtless, possibly full on naked. I grimace at myself, feeling disgusting and cheap.

"What did I do?" I mutter, my hands tangling through the strands of my hair in distress. I look down at myself, noticing I'm fully dressed. It doesn't make sense.

"Oh god, It's happening again." I panic, sinking down to the floor. I pull my knees into my chest, hiding my face as tears fall from my eyes. The self shame completely engulfs me and I want the ground to open and swallow me whole.

"Trish?" Tobias asks uncertainly, dropping to his knees by my side. I flinch from his touch, distancing myself away from him as much as I can.

"I'm disgusting. I hate myself." I cry quietly. His arms are suddenly around me, holding me and comforting me. I protest at first, pushing him away. I don't want him anywhere near me, I don't want anyone near me.

"Please go away!" I plead, the touch of his warm skin pressed against mine comforting me. I don't want comfort, I don't deserve it.

"Why? What have I done?" Tobias asks, pulling back. He isn't naked, just shirtless. I notice hurt flash through his brown eyes and I shake my head in protest.

"I don't know, I don't know what we did. I can't remember anything! I don't remember, just like all the other times."

I'm rambling, not making any sense. Tobias stares intently at me, his dark eyes trying hard to understand. I watch as they flash with sympathy before filling with sadness.

"Trish," he begins, dropping his eyes to the floor. He clears his throat, backing away from me. "What exactly do you think happened?"

I swallow and blink, my throat instantly becoming dry. It's hard for me to talk, string a proper sentence together. I don't want to say the words because when I say them out loud, it becomes true.

"I slept with you." I whisper, my words laced with disgust. Disgust at myself. "I don't even remember doing it, I'm so sorry."

Moments of silence pass between us. I steal a glance at Tobias, expecting to see disgust plastered across his features once he realises what I am. When I look at him, that's not what I see. Instead his dark eyes are emotionless.

"You didn't sleep with me Trish." I blink at him, twice, three times. "What?"

"You didn't sleep with me. I put you to bed, that's it."

Relief instantly washes over me. I let out a small cry as the realisation dawns on me that I didn't repeat my actions.

"Why is it so bad if you did sleep with me? You look disgusted by the idea of it."

He sounds hurt, wounded. My head snaps back up to meet his eyes but he's already standing up, walking away. I instantly scramble to my feet, shaking my head at him.

"No! Tobias, you've got it wrong." I protest, wanting him to stop and turn around so that I can explain.

He doesn't stop.

I want to run after him, tell him he's wrong. But if I did that, I'd have to tell him the truth.