Chapter 4

SKYLAR, EVERYTHING HAS A COST

Willow is still with me but very faint and I can’t shift – I should have known the son of a bitch would do something to try and ensure I couldn’t go anywhere. Dad must have fed me wolfsbane at some point or simply beat it into me – it took it’s time hitting me though, I didn’t feel it until after the damn run started. Until after I needed my she-wolf more than ever before. It is enough to keep Willow subdued so I haven’t been able to shift at all during the run and have had to hobble every inch I’ve made so far.

Hobble is a perfectly accurate description too.

Without Willow helping me to absorb the pain from Dad’s latest cruelty I’m feeling every bit of it and I am barely able to move without screaming. I’ve never had to live without her helping me before and I’ll never take her for granted again because my Goddess, this is intolerable. The agony is causing blackness to creep into my vision which I fight back but it is getting harder and harder… I’ve thrown up twice just from pain, but I think I passed out too – I think I have some broken ribs and the vomiting pissed them off. Even with Willow’s help my healing takes longer these days – some of my bones have been broken too many times to knit themselves back together like they should.

Thanks Dad.

But it doesn’t matter – none of it does because I’m almost at the spot, I’m so damn close. Without Willow I don’t have my enhanced senses, so I feel what I imagine what ‘drunk’ feels like – everything is soft, or blurry and sounds are dulled at some times and echoey at others. In truth it is all very disorientating, so I’ve been forced to hug the cliff to keep my bearings, otherwise I don’t trust myself not to get lost in the woods or stupidly turn around and go back home.

I’ll die first.

So when the large dark chocolate brown wolf stepped out of the trees beside me only feet away, I couldn’t stop the scream that escaped me. By the size of the wolf I knew he was high-ranking, at least a Gamma, Beta or Godforbid an Alpha. He looks at me and I can see the confusion in his face – he doesn’t understand why I’m not in my wolf form, as mates we would be able to mindlink even if we aren’t mated yet. In my human form we can’t as our connection isn’t strong enough yet – what I’m doing right now could be received as the highest of insults… This time it is a large sigh that escapes me involuntarily.

I’m so close.

No – I was so close.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be disrespectful to you… I just… can’t… right now…” I whisper, feeling like I owe this poor man some sort of explanation before his life goes to shit. He stuns me when he shifts into his human form in front of me and I have to force myself to keep my eyes on his, not anywhere else on his naked form now standing in front of me. I’m barely standing upright at this point as my entire body is trembling so badly – I’m not sure if it is from the pain I’m in, the trauma I’ve endured or the trauma I’m about to endure.

The man takes a step toward me and I automatically take a step back which takes me closer to the cliff’s edge – I don’t have far to go which is precisely where I want to be. I can feel the power radiating off of him – he’s an Alpha so he’ll be able to move fast. He freezes when he sees where I’m positioned and his eyes scan my face, his jaw clenching when he takes in my bruises and cuts. I watch him attempt to scan other areas of my body but unable to do so since I dressed for just that reason – I’ve been hiding myself for years, I’m a pro.

“Please – don’t, I won’t come any closer and I promise I won’t hurt you. I’m Alpha Julian Davidson from the Crescent Moon Pack. I’m your mate and –“ I cut him off mid-sentence which I’m sure no one has ever done before based on the look on his face. If it were any other time, any other situation I would laugh because he is rather adorable when completely astounded.

“I’m sorry for you, Alpha Julian,” I state as firmly as I can, but it comes out scarcely more than a whisper. I’m barely getting any oxygen in at this point so I’d guess one of my lungs has collapsed – I can feel Willow struggling to fight back but her not being ‘present’ is going to make what has to happen easier.

“Why are you sorry for me?” He looks even more confused then he did before which again almost makes me want to laugh. Even if this man if the monster the rumours and gossip say he is – he still deserves someone who will love him unconditionally, he still deserves his bond mate.

It just won’t be me.

I want freedom and I’m accepting nothing less – the thought of being under a mate’s control… I nearly faint again as I resist the urge to vomit. I don’t want a mate at all let alone an Alpha – I’ve already spent enough time under one’s torturous dominance I can’t and won’t do it again. Willow is in full agreement with me on this, but I know she’d hesitate now that we’re actually meeting our mate so her being temporarily weakened is working in my favour, as awful as that is to say.

Mate…

Free……dom….

I’m sorry Willow, I think there is only going to be one way.