SEEKING freedom

SKYLAR, WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE

I’m always happy to hear my father leave the house, tonight is no exception. How he’ll explain my absence is beyond me but I’m sure he’ll manage to make me look like the problem; of that I have no doubt. At least I should have a few hours to tend to my newest wounds before he’s back – he isn’t done ‘punishing’ me tonight, I also know that with confidence. My turning nineteen is nothing more than biology but he blames me for that too, thus the latest beating and… treatment.

I want to die every single day I exist.

But I can’t – because he hasn’t let me. I’ve put up with his shit for years now and I’ll keep doing it until he lets me go, if ever. When Mom died of cancer the old man hasn’t been the same since – why I became the target for his anger and abuse I’ll never know. If he has a bad day – he beats the shit out of me before he rapes me. If he has a good day, he’ll skip kicking my ass first and go straight to the sexual assault. He started to beat me the day Mom died but didn’t rape me for the first few years – of course, I was only six at the time. Maybe he has standards? Yeah right – waiting until I was a teenager is hardly better. The only days he doesn’t hurt me are the days he is away on pack business – otherwise he doesn’t miss a day.

I had more sexual experience by the time I was sixteen than most grown women do - I hate my life and I despise the man who donated his sperm to give me that life. When he leaves town, I’m under guard – I’m never left alone, I’m quite sure he knows I’ll either try to leave or do something else to escape the torture I’m enduring.

The last few months have been even worst though… especially after school ended and I turned nineteen. The rest of my age group started to get excited for the yearly mate run but not me and definitely not my father – he doesn’t want me to go anywhere. Why would he? I’m his personal whore and punching bag available at his beck and call - but I can’t wait.

Not because I want a mate.

The yearly mate run is for anyone nineteen or older looking to find their mate – everyone looks forward to it, normally. I should be – a shifter finding their mate is supposed to be the best thing to ever happen to you! Your other half, the person who makes you complete… they will love you no matter what, the good stuff and the bad – your soul mate. It sounds amazing – what’s not to like? Absolutely nothing from the sounds of it, except as a female I’ll be expected to leave and go to my mate’s pack and I can’t do that. The thought of being under another man’s control terrifies me – the possibility that he could be just as bad or even worst than my father….

No – I can’t do it.

If I do find my mate, I have to reject him – I have no future of my own to look forward to thanks to my father and I now have to ruin some other poor shifter’s life because of it. Odds are my future mate is a wonderful person but I’m not chancing it – I can’t live another day in this life. I’m also not going to condemn a man to a life with me either - emotionally I have nothing to offer and physically I’m nothing more than a shell.

I hate my fucking father in every way imaginable.

The only way this could get even worst is if my mate ends up being a damn Alpha… but what are the odds of that? There are tens of thousands of shifters but only a handful of Alphas, so the odds are slim – so I really hope the odds are in my favour. If my mate is an Alpha, I won’t be able to reject him – only Alphas can do the rejecting in their bonding which I think is completely one-sided and total bullshit. As if Alphas don’t already have enough control and power… just look at my old man if you need a prime example of one person having too much.

Tonight is the Welcome Ball where everyone gets together to meet and greet – father is there to play host and left me behind to clean myself up after our ‘session’. He’s pissed off that he has to let me participate in the run tomorrow – he doesn’t want me to but has no choice since I’m of age and we’re the host pack this year. So to punish me – since I have control over the fact that I got older apparently, he was extra brutal tonight. Even with my shifter healing abilities it is going to be hours before I’m ready to leave the house and let anyone see me… fuck… it is going to be hours before I can get up off the floor he left me laying on.

Like I said… extra brutal.

I hear the front door open and close as I fight to stay conscious. My first thought is he’s back to finish the job and instead of being afraid, I’m grateful – put me out of my misery already. As the footsteps continue up the stairs and I lose the fight against the blackness creeping into my sight, I hope someone holds him accountable for this, but I doubt it. I’m so tired of fighting to live every single day… of being beaten and treated like garbage… of being nothing more than a whore to my own father.

My eyes drift closed on their own at the same time my wolf registers the scent of my best friend Hailey entering my room – at least it isn’t him coming back. I hear her saying something to me, but I don’t know what the words are as I lose my battle to stay awake.

I happily welcome the darkness because in the black, there is no pain.

I’m not unconscious for long and when I open my eyes, I’m on my bed with Hailey sitting beside me. She’s dressed for the party and looks stunning, except for the tears falling down her face and the anger in her eyes. Hailey knows everything that has been happening to me over the years – Hailey is my sister by choice, and we have been best friends since we were in diapers. I’m so scared of losing her to a mate in a far-away pack and I’ll never see her again… meanwhile I’ll be stuck here as a plaything for everyone’s favourite perverted Alpha.

Some friend I am.

“I figured he did something when I didn’t see you at the party,” she whispers softly but her tone is full of anger. She hates my father and would like nothing more than to see him destroyed if I would just stop protecting him and reveal what he is doing to me – but she won’t say anything since I’ve asked her not to.

I hate my father.

I hate my life.

I want to die.

Which is what I’m hoping will happen one of these days… he is going to go too far one of these times and it’ll be the last straw for my body – or my mind, which is also a possibility. After all this time, after everything he has put me through… shit, I guess it is possible my mind could go first. I really hope not – I don’t doubt he’d have difficulty fucking me for years even if I were just a mindless vegetable just laying there.

No, I would rather be dead – I hope I die first.

“Take this,” Hailey carefully hands me a knife. It is small and tucked inside a sheath and as I pull it out, I see that the blade is made entirely of silver. I don’t even have to touch the blade to feel the burn against my skin – silver is deadly to shifters and just being near it I can feel the lethality of it. I look at her with confusion, unsure what she expects me to do with this knife.

“Keep it on you during the run – just in case,” she says, and I nod. Hailey’s eyes stare into mine before she gives me a kiss on my forehead. She then turns and leaves my room and moments later I hear her leave the house.

Tomorrow during the run is my chance and I’m going to take it – I’m running and not looking back.