Chapter 4: Pain Causes Honesty

Nobody knows how bad this hurts and I feel like I'm going to pass out any second. Oh god.

Just ignore it, Matthew. It's just physical pain. It can be ignored.

Tears roll down my cheeks and my mouth stays slightly open. I feel like the pain isn't letting me breathe. I wrap my arms around my stomach and gag. Once I realize I'm about to throw up, I push the door of my car open and the content just pours out of my mouth.

My whole body trembles at the sight. I hate it when I throw up. I'm one of those people who get the urge to vomit even more after they see puke. I gag and wipe my mouth when I'm done.

My hands are shaky and my stomach still hurts. I roll down the window and push my head through it, ready to shout.

"Natalie!”

No response.

"Natalie! Please help me! Natalie! ", I yell as loud as I can.

Within seconds, the front door is open and she's out in different clothes. Her baggy yellow shirt she usually wears at home and gray tracksuit catch my attention. Natalie's eyes move to the puddle of puke next to my car and she widens her eyes.

"Matthew! What happened? ", she rushes up to me and touches my forehead. I close my eyes.

"It's not a fever. “ I let her know. My face leans against her clothed stomach and lips let out sob. "It... It hurts so badly. "

Her fingers run through my hair and push it off of my forehead. My arms wrap around her waist to hold her still.

"What hurts? “She asks, unsure of herself.

"I... ", I am too embarrassed to speak to her about it.

"Maybe you should just come with me to my place.”

I shake my head and close my eyes, my cheek still pressed against her belly.

"Matthew, you're scaring me. I can't let you drive in this state. Please come with me. ", she speaks to me and I sigh.

"Okay... ", I give in but tighten my arms around her figure.”Help me. "

"I always will. “ Natalie reassures me and slowly pulls away from my embrace. She extends her arm for me to take her hand and I do. Once I'm on my feet, another wave of pain radiates through me. I stumble and hiss.

"Put your arm here. “She throws my arm over her shoulders to try to give me support. I gently lean onto her but not too much, knowing my weight would crush her.

I'm sure we look ridiculous with her helping me walk when I'm much taller and more muscular than she is but I don't care. All I know is that I'm hurting and she's by my side.

We walk into her house and she slams the door closed with her foot behind us. Natalie helps me get on the couch and puts a pillow underneath my head. When she tucks me in a blanket, she leans down to kiss my forehead. I close my eyes, realizing she's never done that before and coming to conclusion that I wish she has.

"You act like my mom. “ I slightly smile.

"I'm worried about you. Will you tell me what happened so I know how to help you? ", Natalie asks and kneels on the floor beside me.

I groan with the new sensation and push my knees up to my chest.

"Matthew, you're hurting and I don't know what to do! Tell me where it hurts. ", her voice is loud but sounds worried.

I uncover myself and slowly push my legs back down to the bed. Natalie stares at me and I grab her hand and lead it to the source of my pain. Once her hand touches the lower part of my stomach, she blinks down at me and I slowly nod, letting go of it. Natalie's hand stays on me and runs her fingers up to my belly button.

"Is it... Because of the surgery? ", she asks as she touches around my belly. I nod.

"Probably. Doctor said I was going to have pain attacks from time to time. It's just unbearable. "

"Wait here. “ Natalie pulls her hand away and stands up to cover me again. "I'll go get some pills.”

I look away and wipe my face with my hands. When she comes back five minutes later, I see her holding a plastic bottle of water under her armpit, a glass halfway filled with water in one and aspirin tablet in her other hand.

"Take this.”

I sit up and lean back against my elbows. She puts the pill in my mouth and gives me a glass of water. I swallow it and drink some more before lying back down.

"This helps me when my stomach hurts. It's simple but I think it can lessen your pain. ", she extends the bottle with water and I take it. That's when I notice how hot it actually is. I wince.

"It's warm, yes. Put it on the place where it hurts the most. "

I push the bottle underneath the blanket and lay it over my crotch and stomach. It actually feels pretty good. This sudden warmth distracts me from the throbbing sensation I feel.

"Now just take a rest. “She sits on the floor by my side again and I turn my face to stare at her. She looks exhausted but still is so damn beautiful.

"Go to sleep. “ I whisper.

"I don't want to leave you alone. “ Natalie looks into my eyes and I detect a glimpse of vulnerability in hers.

"I'm a big guy. ", I smile.

"Yet, I have to babysit you all the time. “ Natalie lazily smiles back and moves a wave of hair that's fallen onto my forehead. She looks away as a light blush appears on her cheeks.

"You should really stop being so adorable, you know? “ I blow on her hand and close my eyes. She laughs.

"You're the only one who ever called me that.”

I smirk. "Yeah?”

"Are you feeling better?”

"I think I'm getting there.”

"Thank goodness. “She breathes and leans her face against the couch next to me.

I purse my lips and let out a sigh afterwards.

"I haven't slept with Tasha tonight. Nor with anyone. ", I admit.

"What?”

"It's the truth. I just wasn't feeling well. "

"What do you mean? Did it hurt like now? ", Natalie grabs my hand and I smile.

"No. I just... I couldn't react to her touch at all. Do you get what I'm talking about? ", I press and look down at her. Our eyes meet and her cheeks redden, proving me that she understood.

"Matthew...”

"I have been battling within myself, deciding if I should tell you about it or not. You are my best friend after all and I decided to speak. ", I suck in a harsh breath.

"It's just... An intimate topic and I've never been in that kind of situation nor will I ever be, clearly. ", she gestures to herself.”I don't know how to help you. I wish I could. "

"Just forget it. I knew you wouldn't understand anyway. I shouldn't have even told you. What the hell is wrong with me? ", I grown and shake my head.

"Don't say that. It's better that you told someone. ", Natalie tells me.

"Someone who doesn't get it.”

Her eyes soften and she looks away. "A friend is not someone who completely understands you but someone who tries hard to do so.”

"Natalie. You clearly are no help with this. ", I sigh.

"Well, I'm sorry for being a girl. I really am. I'm sorry I wasn't born in a male body to know everything you go through because that's what my whole life is about, you, you and you. ", Natalie snaps and stands up. She walks away.

"I didn't mean it that way. It's just that guys understand guy problems better than girl. Logical. "

"I don't think a guy friend would put you on their couch, tuck you in a blanket and remember to give you a bottle of hot water to warm up your stomach and a stupid pill to lessen your pain. Maybe you should start appreciating what you have before it's gone. ", she says and disappears into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry. I just keep messing up. I love you, okay? I'd never trade your friendship for anything any guy has to offer. I know you're trying hard with me and thank you for helping me. "

"Why do you always mess up and think 'sorry' will fix things?”

"Because I'm tired of fixing them myself so I gave the job to my 'sorry's. What's there to mend anyway? Everything I ever wished for has been forcefully taken away. "

"Don't say that. “ Natalie walks back to me and this time sits on the couch by my legs.

"It's true. What else do I have? "

"You... You have me. You have Cole, Chase. Quentin. We care about you. "

"I know you do. I'm just not sure what to do with myself Natty. I don't know if I should come back to school for starters. I'm missing out on a lot. "

"You should. If you want to, come back. I can even tutor you. I know everything. ", Natalie smiles and squeezes my hand. I slip my fingers through hers.

"Ms. Know-it-all. ", I tease and wince when I feel a wave of pain rolling through me.

"I'm not an Ms. Know-it-all and please stop speaking if it's hard for you.”

"I promise to take you on a plane one day. “ I say after a few beats of silence.

"You promised me that in ninth grade. “ Natalie smiles.

"And I just promised again. I'll keep making promises until I'm able to make them come true. ", I stick out my tongue at her. Her huge toothy grin makes my chest warm up.

"How are your parents? And Nicky? I mean, how did they deal with your... sickness. ", she looks down and back up at me.

"Mom was crying when she thought I wasn't looking. But I always am. I'm looking out for all of them. Nicole was sad all the time. Dad was the one to show the least emotion but I saw it by the look in his eyes that he was worried as hell. I felt so bad being the reason of their sadness, you know? ", I sigh.

"You kept it all from me... ", she notices.

"I didn't want to carry suffer of another person on my chest. I've caused enough of worry. "

"But I always worry for you. You're my... You're my best friend. "

"I am? “ I smile.

"Yes.”

"Even before Velvet? Hey, where's Velvet? ", I look around. I knew something was missing. It was her cute little dog that she adores.

"You and Velvet are both my family and he's back at my grandma's place. He has some pain attacks so he had to go to the vet. He got this syrup and weird food to eat. ", she explains. I form an 'o' shape with my mouth.

"Is he better now?”

"Yeah. It's been two weeks. I miss him. It's weird how you're both paining at the same time. "

"Huh. ", I purse my lips. Poor Velvet. I hope his pain isn't this bad.

"I'm feeling sleepy. “ Natalie murmurs and lays against the side of her couch.

"Go to sleep.”

"You can sleepover here. Just let your family know. "

"Can you please do it for me? “ I plea.

"Of course.”

Within seconds, her phone is in her hand and she's dialing my mother's number. Once she tells her I'll be sleeping here, she hangs up and puts it away.

"I don't want to leave you alone. I'll bring another blanket and a pillow and sleep on the floor. "

Before I get the chance to protests, she rushes up the stairs and comes back with three blankets and a pillow. Two of them she puts on the floor together with the pillow and a third one she uses for covering herself.

Natalie sits up to kiss my cheek but I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her halfway on me. Her squeak makes me laugh.

"I just wanted to hug you. “ I look up into her eyes and press my lips against her cheek.

"Good night. “ I whisper into her ear. Natalie blushes deeper than ever before and I blow on her face. "Be careful. You might burn. "

She playfully slaps me and I chuckle. Natalie moves away from me and lies down. I turn to the side. My pain is gone. My eyes meet hers from up here and we just stare at each other through the dark. Natalie gives me a sweet smile after a few seconds of our staring contest, and closes her eyes.

I keep looking with a soft tone in my eyes.