chapter 3

That night I didn't sleep at all, I was in a complete daze, I let him kiss me and I shouldn't have.

I'd always liked it but I didn't want to put our friendship at an angle and instead it was happening.

but what was I doing?

Had I done right?

I didn't know ...

what if things had gone wrong?

What if I had lost my best friend as well as him?

What if I'd realised that I didn't love him?

And then there was the mysterious man from the night before who also attracted me, but I had the feeling that I wouldn't see him very soon ....

What should I do now?

What should I have done?

What should I have done that afternoon?

should i greet him normally, or was he now expecting a kiss on the lips?

what if lilly would have seen us?

When my mother came to call me in the morning, she saw me staring at the ceiling, worried, so she sat down next to me and asked "What's wrong?"

"Something shouldn't have happened!" I answer enigmatically.

"Have you committed a crime?" she asks.

"No," I answer.

"Are you on drugs?" she asks again.

"No"

"Are you pregnant?" he insists

"No" and this time I raise my voice so loud that I almost scream.

"So what? Come on, it can't be that bad" Unlike me, she was calm

terribly calm.

"I kissed Roberto" I confess in one breath.

"And for a kiss, all this!"

she exclaimed in amazement

"I'm afraid I made a mistake" I say with a sigh.

"Do you like him?" he asks

"That's a good question" I wanted to answer but I say confused.

"I don't know ... I don't know anything anymore..."

"When he kissed you, what did you feel?" he asks again.

"I felt butterflies in my stomach"

"So you like him," she said with an encouraging smile.

"I think so, but the fact is that the night before at the party there was a man I also liked" I admit.

"and what's his name"

"I don't know, we just looked at each other".

"Didn't he say anything?"

"No, nothing the whole evening. "

"Can I tell you mine?"

"Yes."

"If a man likes you, he doesn't just look at you, he does what Roberto did. Forget the one who was looking at you and analyse how you feel about him. If you don't feel anything, you have to tell him now, but the fact that you felt butterflies in your stomach is something".

"Yes, but how should I behave in the afternoon?" I asked.

"As always," she replies.

And I look at her in shock

as I reply

"I don't even know how to go or what to wear!"

"first you have to decide what you're going to do if you want to go ahead with this story go and wear something nice otherwise tell him you're not going and he'll understand in fact I think he'll come to talk about it himself if you don't go"

"and I'm afraid that if this goes on and we break up I'll lose Lilly as a friend too"

Now I've said it...

"not if you're correct. if you break up it has to be for a good reason and don't mess up in the sense that you're with him and with someone else ok! "

" fine "

"now come and have breakfast, with a full belly you can think better" now I changed and went downstairs I took a shower I put on a little dress and with my hair in the towel I went to have breakfast you were finishing the crossant when on the wathapp icon a message appeared "good morning....did you sleep well?"

I looked at the phone not knowing what to reply, my mother saw me in trouble and said "and Roberto?"

"yes he sent me a good morning and asked me if I slept well ...what should I answer?"

"The truth?"

"I can't tell him by message that I didn't sleep because of him".

"just tell him you didn't sleep and see what he replies"

About the phone, it was online...

He was waiting for an answer, so I just wrote

Good morning... I really haven't slept much".

"Thoughts?" he replies immediately.

"Somebody."

"Is it about me?" he asks again.

"A little", I replied.

"If you want, I'll come over and we'll talk about it."

I put my head in my hands, and now? My mother came to help me. "What is it, darling?" Without speaking, I handed him the phone and after a glance he said, "Do you know what to say?"

"Not really."

"Are you going to the barbecue?"

"Yes, I think so.

"there are two things: either you let him come and tell him what you told me or you go to the barbecue and talk about it there for a while".

"no, I don't want to talk at the barbecue".

"Then bring him here or go yourself, it's so close", he says.

I almost should have gone myself so that during the short journey I would have thought a bit more about what to say.

I looked again at the phone, it was still online "I'll come later" I texted him "OK see you later".

"I told him I'll be there in a little while" I told my mother and after a affirmative nod she recommended "you have to be as sincere as possible".

"OK...do I look good dressed like this?"

I was in a total panic, I didn't know what to do.

"Yeah, why not?" he replies.

"OK, I'll dry my hair and go."

I put on just a bit of mascara, pencil and lipstick as always I went out I arrived at their place in a few minutes and by luck he came to open the door otherwise I wouldn't have been able to justify to Lilly the fact that I wanted to talk to her brother and not to her ...

"I was waiting for you" he kissed me as always on the cheek but this time I felt a thrill which had never happened before

"Shall we talk outside or in my room?" she asked.

"Anywhere is fine with me! "

"Let's go to my room" he said, noticing my embarrassment.

She takes me to her room and closes the door and taking me in her arms, looking me fixed in the eyes, she asks "So you didn't sleep because of me?"

"also because of you"

"was I reckless?"

"It's not that!"

"What then?"

"it's that I've imposed myself not to have relations with my friends, I'm afraid that something will happen and besides the boyfriend I'll lose the friend too".

he doesn't speak, waiting for me to finish.

"and then last night it happened and now when I think ..." I interrupt myself uncertain on what to say only I could be the scene that looking into the eyes of a guy like that one could still ask questions had it been another one he would not have had doubts

he tells me feeling my heart go a thousand times faster

"come on, don't worry, nothing's happening, just talk"

I look at him carefully lingering on his closed lips which hid a perfect white smile and I realize that I still desire him ....

I desire his lips yes of me his hands ...

I want him ...

so I finish the sentence in one breath almost as if I might regret what I would have said

"Now when I think I realise I want it to happen again.

I saw his eyes shining and he kissed me again and again but there was a but...

"we have to tell lilly!"

"Let's wait a couple of days and see how it goes first, OK?"

"OK, but I'll tell her before school starts."

I've never kept secrets from her and I didn't want to now ...

"OK."

"I'm going home now. See you in the afternoon."