4

Ernso JOSEPH

I retire in it and I lie down right next to it. I'm all out of breath. This girl kept me on my toes all night. She's a real hottie.

- What time are you planning to leave? I ask him.

- And shit! She blurts out looking into her phone.

-What ?

- My mother is going to kill me. I said at home that I had just gone out for a friend's birthday, she panics. I was supposed to come home last night.

-And ?

- How so and? Well, she agreed, yes. But not for me to spend the night outside, she tells me without flinching.

-And you agreed to come back with me? It was almost 6 o'clock when you said yes to accompany me home, I'll let you know. You could have gone straight home, no. Instead you're a guy for...

I swallowed the rest of my sentence. Indeed, last night I went out chilling with friends from college. It was the birthday of the girl of a guy from the group with whom we live in shared accommodation. She came to invite me to the house. I couldn't say no. It ended around 5 a.m. And since the Linda in question was just sticking with me the whole evening, I took her home to wrap things up. Couple stories are not for me. Abstinence even less. So, from time to time I find someone to relieve me.

-Won't you walk me home? She asks me with her hands crossed against her chest.

-Did you drink "be cool" (Creole drinks made of alcohol and coke bark)? Me, take you home? Is it wrong or what?

-What ? She is surprised.

- What did you not understand? I won't move from my house Linda. With that, ciao the big one.

My calm in this kind of situation is what defines me. She's the one who lives with her parents and it's still her who hooks up with the guys in the evening. Let her cry even if she wants to. What does she want me to do? I won't move from here.

-And what am I going to say at home?

-What would you have said if I accompanied you?

-That I was with you for a duty. Anything. But now what am I saying?

- Well, I don't know. Go home nicely then. And go join your mother. Find another lie so she won't hit you. We know our Haitian moms how they are. They can beat you up with anything they find. Whether it can launch or help to hit you. I wouldn't like to be in your place dear.

She leaves my house sulking. These girls there are dreamers for God's sake. When she looks at me, does she see a lover? I do not think so, no. So when you come to me, you know what to expect. Besides, I don't like lying to girls. So there no. Call me names but never a liar. That's not me. It is often said that the guys from Gonaïves are professional liars. But I am the exception. I tell you what I'm looking for. The rest is up to you.

After the departure of the famous Linda, I go back to bed, covering my body. Today it's sunday. And me, it's only when I'm in Gonaïves that I go to church on Sundays. Because yes, I was born into a Christian family. My father, Georges JOSEPH is a pastor elsewhere. And the two there, namely my mother, Paula JOSEPH and him, would have pulled me by the skin of the buttocks to bring me to the church if that was where I was. So thank God.

I only wake up 2 hours later with my stomach rumbling. Had to go out and find something to eat. If Linda wanted to be cute, she could have started by offering to cook me food. But no, she wanted me to walk her home. Me Ernso? Whose child? What's her last name even? Pffff! My way of being can surely shock you. Especially with women. But at least me, I sell myself as I am. I'm not trying to sell dreams to a girl to put her in my bed. With me, women know what to expect.

I get up staggering because the alcohol ingested last night has still not passed. I jump in the shower at lightning speed, get dressed and go in search of a place where I can buy food. Don't get me wrong. The worthy Artibonitian heir that I am, knows how to cook. Just that I'm too lazy to go to the fire when it's almost 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

I didn't get too far that I found a local mom. I asked her to make me a take-out meal. I took what it takes to accompany the dish and went home.

The next day, early in the morning, I went to the university. Something else about me. I like to have a good time, but I always make sure it doesn't interfere with my studies. I'm not kidding about it. I am the last born of the family. My brother Edson and my sister Edeline are older. They are respectively 27 and 25 years old. We were each born 2 years apart. They have chosen a different route from mine. Edson continues his master's degree in water, energy and food in Belgium. While my sister works as a nurse at the providence hospital in Gonaïves. All that to say that I have no room for error. Eyes are fixed on me and just waiting for the slightest misstep on my part to straighten me up.

On campus, my click is a bit scattered. Joel is in civil engineering. Michel is in agronomy. And Jude in medicine. There's only me in the humanities and social sciences. This means that we rarely meet there. I was walking towards my building when a figure caught my eye. This little one looks good but she's not too cooperative. That's a shame. Because me Ernso, you will never see me running behind a girl's buttocks.

I preferably walk in her direction and wait to be close enough to tease her a little. She was accompanied by a guy. He is of his class. Well I think. It's not the first time I've come across them.

-Look who's here! Isabelle Jeudy. O Isabella! Isabelle! Queen Isabella! I started.

She rolls her eyes in annoyance when it was just getting started.

-I see that you have found yourself another doggie.

"Does that mean you were one?" She answers me tact for tact.

She has repartee this chick. I have to admit it.

-Yeah, that's it ? Make fun of yourself. You hate me for what happened at my house. You have probably already categorized me. You think I'm bad. Except that you haven't really understood anything about men yet. All want only one very expensive thing. And you know what it is. Just that I am much more direct. I'm not hiding behind an image that isn't me and promising you I'll turn into Romeo. I am not like that Isabelle. Neither guy is. This guy who follows you like a doggie all day long, do you think he doesn't secretly dream of crawling into your bed? What did I say ? To slip his key into your lock and unlock it properly?

-Don't talk about what you don't know, the other gets angry pointing at me.

She pulls him towards her. Fortunately, because I really wanted to hit that little jerk who makes men laugh by following a woman everywhere as if he were her dog.

-And I thought you were really worth it, Ernso, she swings at me in disgust. To my great regret I realize that I was wrong about you. As the saying goes, looks are often deceiving. You are the kind of person with whom, the sentence that says "the brown duck, even so high raised, will always bring mud in its paws" takes all its meaning. It is clear that your level of education has brought you nothing. She missed my poor. The student that you are is of no use to you in real life. It's disappointing. I pity your mother. Poor thing, she must be sorry that she didn't close her thighs when you were about to be born.