Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I entered my room crying. I was very hungry but I didn’t care anymore.

My heart feels more pain than my stomach feels.

I've been tired all day, but when I come home that's how I'll be greeted? Where was my mom before?

Gone. I already remember. When my twin died, My mother also died. Her love for me has also died.

I wonder, if I died in that accident. Will mama be like that too? Will mama's treatment of Ariela be the same? Maybe, no. Ariela is her favorite because she is smart.

A few moments later I got up from the bed and went to my closet.

I took the suitcase upstairs then and started to take out my clothes one by one and put them in the suitcase.

after I packed I immediately stood up.

I am ready to leave all the memories this room has.

I looked around the room and smiled sadly.

Every furniture and corner in this room gives me sad and happy memories.

my closet which was my hiding place every time Ariela and I played, and every time my mom scolded me because I made my twin cry.

It’s only now that I also realize and gradually accept to myself that from the very beginning. Ariela is the heavier one in Mama's heart. Ariela is always first. Ariela is not allowed to be hurt, not allowed to cry and not allowed to lose. Ariela is always the priority. While I? Nothing. They are all just Grandma I have, who also lost because of me.

My vanity mirror, where I often see my replica and that of my twin. where we always stand whenever she fixes my hair.

My study table that became Ariela's hangout, whenever she would do my assignments and projects.

I look very much in my bed. I stared sadly at my pillows. My blanket. my pillows are the ones I tell all my resentment, the ones that share all my tears, and most of all my blankets the ones that hug me whenever I'm sad.

Everything in this room reminds me of my painful and happy memories.

it's a pity and I'll leave it all.

I finally left the room and went down to the living room. I laid down on the sofa the things I would take with me to leave.

Before I finally leave this house, I want to say goodbye to mama and papa.

I went to mama and papa's room. When I entered there I only reached papa.

As soon as my eyes hit him my tears immediately fell.

"Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it's my fault why we lost Ariela.I'm sorry because of me, you're just lying there. I'm sorry I haven't been able to treat you yet. I'm sorry because what I did then has lost and changed a lot in our family that I will never be able to bring back. Sorry dad. Don't worry, I'll be back from work so I can get you treated. so you can have surgery. For ... for ... for you to hug Mama again. I'm sorry papa, I'm scolding you. "I just cried and cried as I said those words. My heart ached. I felt like I was being killed over and over again.

Blurred with tears I stood up to leave. but before I finally closed the door of their room Mama gave me one more glance. "I love you, papa. I'll be back. You and mama will be proud when I come back." that's all and I finally left the room.

when I got back to the living room I saw Mama drinking again.

I sighed and approached her. "Mom, that's okay please. Stop drinking. That won't be good for you, you might get sick."

"W-what's wrong with you!"

I tried to snatch the wine he was holding but she just shook my hand. "What! Let go of me! Don't bother me because it's all your fault! I'd better die after all, my daughter is gone, and my husband!" this time Mama is crying. And God knows how much it hurt me!

"M-ma, papa is still alive and I'm still here! Ma, I'm your daughter too!" I sobbing while I say that to her.

She laughed foolishly as the tears continued to drip. "Daughter? You're not my daughter! Because I don't have a daughter whore!" mama shouted.

"You kill your sister, you kill my daughter!"

the pain, the excruciating pain of feeling to hear that from mama, even though I’m used to it. The pain still in my heart.

"Go away! Don't come back here!" mama shouted at me.

I could do nothing in those moments but pick up my belongings. "M-ma, I'm leaving don't p-please worry. I will try m-ma, for when the time comes, so you can be proud of me and accept me. Sorry mama, I love you. "Even though I was sobbing.

I went out of our house, and from the outside I again stared at our house, the house where I grew up. Where Ariel and I grew up together, the only sad thing is that I am no longer with her now. Because it's my fault.

from here at the gate of our house I could still hear mama moaning and her calling Ariel's name. Until the end ... Ariel still is.

Even though I want to hug her. She doesn't want me. I was calm because mother Soling was there to calm Mama down.

I stayed there for another three minutes and then left. Leaving the house where I grew up, formed and crushed over and over again.

I'll be back, Ma, Pa. When the time comes I will return. I know you can forgive me....

To be continued........