Chapter # 5

"Please forgive me."

"It's okay.. I just couldn't think straight. I just lost my senses when i saw them." She said, looking away, not meeting my gaze. I moved her hand upwards and moved her sleeves. My eyes widened when I saw she has cuts on her wrist. My heart stopped, as I was deluged in terror of she has done and since when. I lost my ability to think, My heart felt like it's in a desolate place filled with misery. Tears brimmed in my eyes as I looked at Ester who was looking down; ashamed, not being able to meet my gaze.

"What did you do, Ester?" I asked in a whisper.

"Is that why you didn't let me touch you and wear long sleeves?" I asked, feeling heartbroken. She bit her lips and nodded.

"Why?" I asked as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"You weren't the only one who suffered back then.. I..I.." She was at the loss of words. My heart was torn to pieces, my mind couldn't comprehend to the things around me. I let out a sob and pulled her in a hug. She gripped my shirt and buried her face in my chest. I kissed her head and whispered

"I am sorry.. I am so sorry.. Please don't be hurt anymore.. I want to fix everything... please don't break like that.. Please.. " I said in a hurt voice. "I.. I.." She tried to say. I pulled her more close and said reassuringly, "Shh.. It's okay Ester, don't force things upon yourself.." She sniffed and nodded. We remained like that and after a while, I slowly pulled away. She was looking down with a sad smile.

"I am glad to have you with me." She said, still not leaving my shirt.

"I am the one who should be thanking you." I replied, cupping her cheeks and caressing them gently. I kissed her forehead and gave her a side hug.

After calming Ester, I decided to go back to my work, since it's still afternoon.

After a tiresome day, I went back home. We were having dinner in silence but then I said, "Burn those pictures."

"Already did." She replied. I smiled and continued to eat.

"Ester..' I called her.

"I was thinking that it would be good if we go out..." I trailed off. She looked at me , waiting for me to continue, "I want.. Do you want to go for our honeymoon?" I asked nervously. a blush crept upon her cheeks, she tugged her hairs behind her ears and laughed nervously, "Yeah.. Why not?"

"Where do you want to go?" I asked with my heart beating fast.

"Uh.. anywhere.. but not to a crowded place.."

"Okay.. I will see."

"We can go back to that vacation house of yours too.."

"No! I don't want to go there.."

"It's okay, I don't mind, I kinda liked that place." She said, trying to lightened up the mood.

"But Ester."

"Desmond. I am just suggesting ,I just loved that place, we can go there. That place would be filled with happy memories.... Besides,That place is unforgettable for me ." Me too. She mumbled. My heart picked it's pace when I heard it, feeling strange yet satisfactory sensations in me.

"As you wish." I said, smiling.

My heart skipped a beat when I remembered our honeymoon,

***

She scared me to no extent, what If something happened to her? She is my responsibility. I can't let anyone hurt her... except me. But, she made me feel so scared when she didn't came back early, I almost lost myself, my breath, when I couldn't find her. I sighed deeply, my mind is feeling undesirable emotions which are utterly disturbing and I don't want that thought to even cross my mind. That pathetic woman is making me feel strange, something I haven't felt in a while. I shook my head and made hot chocolate for her. I have seen her drinking it quite a few time so I guess she liked it.

I came to her and hand her the cup and sat beside her, I felt somehow clam in her presence. That she is safe and beside me.

" NO! STOP IT YOU HATE HER! She is just a liability. You don't want to marry anyone especially a girl pathetic like her! "

After scolding myself, I asked about her and scolded her too for scaring- petrifying me like this. We exchanged a few words but they made me feel at serene and I wanted to talk to her more but I know I can't and shouldn't, it would be better for us.

I stood up and began to say,

"I know you don't believe it. But, I don't want to hurt- never mind." I said and left. I couldn't be able to say that I hurt wanted her to be hurt. I want to tell her that I don't want her to hurt herself by loving me. My love will only kill her from inside, it will best that I will annul our marriage as soon as possible. but I don't know why, a sudden urge to talk to her arouse in me as if talking to her make me feel, alive and something I haven't felt in years. I felt happy. I wish Henry could be here so that he can think of a way to take her away, liberating me from her. Not being able to hold my feelings inside me I walked inside her room but she wasn't here. She was sleeping where I set the fireplace, curling like a ball looking cute. I sat beside her and wrapped the blanket around her. An involuntary smile crept upon my lips when I looked at her.

"Ester.. wake up.." I called.

"Ester!" I called her a little loudly but no too much but she didn't even flinch. She must be a heavy sleep. A chuckle escaped my lips as I turned to her slumbering from, sleeping peacefully, unaware how hateful I am and how I am thinking just to break her. I just don't understand why she agreed to marry me? Just how delusional she is? She is too weak and I don't like her but still at the same time, I like her and want to protect her but someone like me can never be a protector. I sighed deeply and brushed my fingers on the side of her face, my heart skipped a beat as I quickly pulled my hand back.

"Ester, you scared me. Why are you that stupid that you loves me that much? I don't deserve love. I am planning to break you apart, My love is deadly, Ester. Don't love me. It will kill you. But I don't know why I want to eradicate you out of my life and at the same time, I don't want to lose you. Damn it it's just a week and you are doing this to me but I am determined to let you go. You and I, can never be together but at the same time.. I want to tell you Ester.." I moved close to her face, feeling disheartened. I closed my eyes as a tear reflecting my dilemma and pain rolled down my cheek along with a sad smile as I whispered to her,

"Never leave me again.." I pulled away and left, with my heart hurting deeply..