chapter 6

"Is that lovelife?" There was teasing in Sir's tone.

I chuckled. "Does it look like I have time for lovelife, Sir?"

So I was relieved for Sir Gresena because he also spoke gently. He could give advices if you're facing any problems. She makes it feel like she is willing to listen and give advice if needed. Well, I just don’t know to others if this is how he treats me. I'm his student. Maybe, he was just concerned to me as his student, right?

Sir Gresena reclined on his chair. "I can't directly tell that. But I'm aware, aren't I? It's really surprising that the people you know have a lovelife."

"I don't have time for that lovelife, Sir," I said.

"Don't resign the finished word, Zreinessa. We can't say what destiny intends for us." He smiled. His dimples immediately appeared.

"Why you, Sir? Do you have a lovelife?" my curiosity.

Only now have we been able to talk like this with Sir Gresena. It’s just funny because somehow the problems in my mind were diverted.

"I guess?" Sir Gresena also asked a question.

"I guess, Sir, there is!" I exclaimed and giggled.

Sir Grenesa shook her head but had a smile on her face.

"Nothing yet," he replied.

I leaned back in my chair. I crossed my arms over my chest as I raised an eyebrow at him. "Weh? I can't believe it, Sir!"

"And why?" he asked back.

"You're handsome, Sir. Kind. Smart. You also look good because your clothes are beautiful. What else? Just, Sir! It's impossible that you don't have a lovelife like that, eh!" I said at length.

He shook his head. "Lovelife isn't in a hurry. It's just there next door, Zreinessa. Just wait for the perfect time. When it arrives? Eh, it's not welcome right away!"

We both laughed at what he said. I am very grateful that I have been close to Sir Gresena. Even though I'm just his student, he doesn't make us feel the distance. He even told me before, that we could join forces, which I still refuse because he was also a few years away from me. About six years I guess?

When the class session ended, I quietly went to the bedroom to rest. But it also doesn't help that I don't have anyone to talk to because everything in my mind comes back.

"Zrei?" I got up from lying down when I heard Ate Cray's voice.

"Ate ..." I called.

He smiled before finally entering my room. He also closed the door and then he approached me. He sat on the bed, next to me.

"I just want to thank you for doing my favor," she said as a wide smile plastered on her face.

It was as if my heart stopped beating because of that. What else do I really want to forget, that's really coming up, what?

"It's nothing, Ate," I replied and sparingly smiled at him.

He never asked why I came home first after what happened and I never waited for him. I also didn’t text him because of the overflowing emotion I was feeling.

"Soon, I'm sure that'll be stuffed." He caressed my stomach and I could see the hope forming in his eyes.

"Yes, Ate. M-Tredore and you will have a baby too." I tried not to crouch while saying those things.

My heart was clenching so bad. It's just a pain to think that she won't really be mine and that the possible baby that will be born will never go to me.

But why am I acting this way?

I agreed, didn't I?

"Yes, Zrei. My dream will come true," Ate said smiling.

I don't want that smile of hers to vanish. I just want Ate to be happy even if I'm not anymore. All my life I have been denied to be happy.

I want her to be happy, even though it will hurt me in exchange.

WEEKS had passed as Ate Cray's plan happened. A few weeks have passed since then and during those days I have done nothing but gradually distance myself from them.

I felt guilty. I think I will ever be able to carry this feeling because of what happened. I knew that what Ate Cray has planned was out of the line, yet I still did it for the sake of my sister's happiness.

If what happened happened I didn't know how I would feel, especially since I knew that in the end the child that would live in my womb would not come to me.

Why sulking now, Zreinessa?

It's still my fault it happened. I have the choice to refuse about Ate Cray's plan, but in the end, I tolerated it for her happiness in exchange.

I lost my thoughts when I felt like I was going to be nauseous. I was no longer restrained and immediately ran towards the bathroom of the bedroom.

I vomited. I knelt in front of the toilet bowl and held on tightly to it. I can almost vomit all my flesh.

What happened to me?

Why did I vomit?

Though confused I washed and rinsed before coming out of the bathroom. Confused I sat up in bed and thought about what had happened.

I had a good breakfast earlier. I was in a good mood when I woke up this day. Why would I suddenly vomit?

"Soon, I'm sure that'll be stuffed."

I stood up when I heard Ate Cray's voice in my mind. My heart started to thump hard. Over the past few weeks Ate Cray has never tired of uttering those words as if she were absolutely sure that what had happened to Sir Tredore and me would bear fruit.

I faintly sat up in bed again. It also crossed my mind and wished that what had happened would not have happened. I became complacent over the past few weeks, I thought there would be no fruit.

My tears suddenly pooled at the corner of my eyes. I gently caressed my stomach which now tended to have only angels.

"Are you there, baby?" I asked tearfully and continued to caress my stomach. "If you're even there, I'm really sorry ... I really don't know what to feel. I don't like the way you are built ..."

The tears kept falling and I kept them from escaping.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I sighed. "Maybe I don't deserve you because of what happened. I want to be selfish, I want to treat you ... Is that okay, baby?"

I cried even more at the thought that the young flesh of my stomach would not be mine if any.

I was dettaching myself slowly and yet, an angel came. I don't think I can afford to leave my child to them when the time comes. It's like I just want to be me.

He is my son ...

I am the mother ...

I wiped away the tears and calmed myself before heading to my bedroom door. I opened it and looked to see if anyone was around.

“Rosel,” I call to a maid cleaning vases in the hallway.

He carefully put down the swab he was holding before walking towards me.

"Do you need anything, Madam?" he asked with a bow.

I rolled my eyes again before speaking.

"Are Ate Cray and Daddy here?" I will ask.

"No more, Madam. They went to The Neri when I heard about it," he replied.

I nodded. "Is it okay if I order something from you?"

His head nodded quickly. "Yes, Madam! No problem! What is it?" He still remained stooped.

I heaved a deep sigh. Fortunately, Rosel is here. I noticed that he was quiet and modest so I could trust him. I looked around again before speaking.

"Can you buy a pregnancy test kit?" I asked directly. I can’t say that for me but based on his reaction he may have an idea.