1

I looked at my mother and my sibling lying on the bed made of bamboo shoots, they were fast asleep due to exhaustion. It was probably another rough day for them since it was not easy to fend of our meals every day.

A bitter smile crept into my lips. If only I could touch them once. I would like to sleep beside them just like before but I fear that my mom would just push me aside resulting to me falling down on the floor.

I put my things gently on the ground. Ever since my father died, it felt as though I was not part of this family.

“M-Ma, I’ll be leaving now,” I stammered when I suddenly saw her open her eyes. She was looking at me the same way she does; as though I was a mere nuisance all my life to her.

“It’s better if you don’t come back anymore, Nazi,” she retorted and immediately got up from the bed. She quickly passed by my side and left the room.

Why does she treat me like this? What did I do wrong to deserve this? She doesn’t even treat my sibling like this so why?

I bit my lip and turned towards her direction.

“I… I might come back a week later because I have a lot of deadlines to attend to.” I followed her from across the dining table and saw her pouring a glass of water for herself.

After a few seconds, she lifted her gaze to look at me with a glare; almost as though she wanted me dead.

“I’ll repeat myself for once, kid,” she started. “I don’t care whether you come back or not, better if you don’t even show your face to me anymore!” she continued. She then closes the distance between the two of them. “I don’t need your money nor your help, I can live on my own; you’re just a big hindrance to us here!”

With her index finger, she roughly pushed it across my forehead as tears started to form on my dark grayish eyes.

“I can’t even understand why you’re trying to squeeze yourself in this family! Don’t you know that you’re the reason why Mario died; why this family fell into crimples because of your existence?” Her voice started rising as she threw daggers with her eyes. “You shouldn’t have been born at all!”

My legs felt as though it wanted to crumble at that moment. My chest was tightening while my body was shaking nonstop.

She was not contented and even mocked me with a laugh. “If only you weren’t born…” she mumbles and pushes me right across the floor.

At that moment, my hands wanted to do something involuntarily but I stopped it. I was scared that I might end up hurting her, the way she’s doing it to me.

“I…I’m sorry.” Those were the only words that came out of my mouth as I roughly closed my eyes.

“You’re a good for nothing brat!” she shouted followed by throwing the plastic vase display on the dining table and the figurines flashed a top of the television.

“Mario could have been alive if it weren’t for you! He wouldn’t have come back to that rotten house on fire if it weren’t for you getting stuck inside! I don’t like you! Even if you die working, I will never ever like you! You won’t be able to bring back the dead! You’re the reason why our lives right now are as miserable as a rat!” she continued, her voice stammering. “If… If it weren’t for you… and your stupidity…” she paused for a second and stared at me with a glare again. “… You’re the epitome of this family’s misfortune!”

With every object thrown across the place, I tried my best to dodge all of it but I know I sustained some injuries.

Every day, my life had been like this. My mother hated me more than a wound could hurt me. And if you ask me, no scar can be worse compared to the one my mother implanted me: all her hatred, her rage, her blaming… this is more than a healing could do.

Fiero, my sibling, on the other hand doesn’t care much at all. He’s always asleep and if not, uninterested to talk to me.

It’s as if I am a stranger, an outsider in this family. I know it hurts, I know it fucking hurts but… I guess I started feeling numbed.

Who wouldn’t be hurt anyway? I am the one to work yet I don’t receive at least an appreciation, contrary to it, they wanted me out, dead even.

I can’t even understand why my sibling feels the same way. He doesn’t hurt me but the way he treats me changed when our father died. He acts cold and would not like to talk to me at all.

What wrong have I ever done to deserve this?

“All of this are not even enough in exchange of Mario’s life! You should have been the one to die!”

I lowered my gaze on the ground as I finally broke down into tears. It feels as if my own mother is trying to strangle me to death with her words.

After a long while, I finally stood up from where I was sitting and wiped off the tears in my eyes. “I-I’ll be leaving now, Mom. Please lock the door,” I said, stammering. My voice was now weakened and how it wanted to crack.

When I finally turned the doorknob open and immediately made my way to close the door, I looked at her one last time.

In her eyes, I was only a big hurdle in this family; an explicit example of something they wish to get rid of. A tear fell down my eye as I finally closed the door. And when I now turned away from the house, I hurried down the gate and ran towards the tricycle area.

I hailed a vehicle and there, I sobbed nonstop.

How it hurts to be treated like this.

I’m sure the door to our house broke down again from the loud slamming of her hands across the doorknob.

“Sir, please take me to the TNG,” I said and gave him twenty pesos. After a while, the tricycle engine started and we were now on our way towards my work.