August 25, 2019

Dear Diary,

Today was the first day of classes and it had actually gone really well in terms of getting handed a syllabus in every class and listening to them read it line by line. My first class, Calculus, had started at 9:10 and would usually end at 10:00 but the teacher had let us out early since it was the first day. After that I had a ridiculously long break from 10:00 to 4:10 and for the first time since I got here I had no idea what to do to kill the time.

Once back inside my room I noticed that Anna had disappeared while I was gone and I was glad to be alone. I had just turned on pretty little liars on my laptop and settled into bed when my phone started ringing. I looked down at the caller ID and saw Julia's name with a cute picture of her in a sun dress I had set as her contact photo displaying on the screen.

I hesitated for a second, pausing my show before answering the call "Hello?"

"Hey Teagan." She said, her voice wavering slightly as though she was extremely nervous to be talking to me

"What's up?"

"So I know we haven't really been talking but it seems fate has brought us together again."

"What kind of twisted statement is that supposed to be?"

"We'll I know our class had that no discussing our colleges rule and so I didn't know where you were going." She explained pausing for quite some time at the end

I sighed "Get to the point Julia."

"We go to the same college."

"How would you even know that and how haven't I seen you if that's true?"

"I saw you at one of the orientation events but I kinda avoided you."

"Of course you did." I grumbled

She exhaled seeming irritated "Look I was nervous you'd still be pissed at me so I bitched out and didn't go up to you."

"Was this before or after you texted me?"

"Before."

"Well if my responses to your texts didn't answer your question, let me answer it for you." I said before pausing "Yes I'm still pissed at you and I honestly don't even know why I picked up your call."

"Teagan come on you're being completely unreasonable."

"Seriously Julia? You don't get to tell me what is and is not unreasonable."

"I know I'm sorry," she started before continuing "can we please just meet up and talk things out?"

"What's the point?"

"Well neither of us really know many people here and it would be nice to have a friend. I also don't see the point in us holding onto this shit forever I mean college is the best time to maybe work things out between us, you know like what we had."

What we had? I thought you weren't gay? What the fuck kind of parallel universe is college I mean seriously?

"Look I have a lot going on as is and what makes you think I don't have friends or that I'd wanna work out whatever it was we had?"

"Teagan we both know what we had was special and it's almost like the universe is giving us a third chance. The chances of us even reuniting the first time were unlikely but what were the chances we'd go to the same college? I know Ive fucked up shit in the past but I just wasn't ready to accept myself or admit my feelings for you."

God I hate this girl sometimes, I mean just when I'm starting to get over her she always finds a way to come back into my life.

"I don't know." I whispered, unable to put up the front anymore

"Can we please just meet up to talk?" She pleaded

"Where and when?"

"I'm free till 2 and after 5 and wherever you want."

"I'm free right now too."

"So where?" She questioned

"I mean no ones in my room if you wanna come here."

I told her my room number and interestingly enough she was in the same building on the third floor rather than the first. Within minutes I heard a knock at the door and swung it open to reveal Julia standing there nervously shifting her weight back and forth. She looked at me and the memories came rushing back. The pain, the pleasure, the emptiness I had felt every time she let me down and the overwhelming feeling of something indescribable I had felt every-time she had built me back up. Her crystal blue eyes seemed to be swimming as she looked me over and I couldn't help but want to skip the talking and kiss her right on the spot.

Realizing we had been staring at each other for a more than unreasonable amount of time I lamely stuttered out "Y-you can come in."

"Thanks." She blushed as she stepped inside looking around the room "Still have the Colton Dixon poster I see."

I could feel a warmth spreading across my cheeks as I shut the door "Yeah figured Colton might like the college life too."

That was possibly the lamest thing I've ever said in my entire life.

"So do you like your roommate?" Julia asked signaling towards the other side of the room

More than you would like to know and less than you'd expect all at the same time.

"She alright," I shrugged "how's yours?"

"Same I guess." She said calmly as she looked at my sticky notes covered in to do lists "Same old Teagan I see."

I rolled my eyes "More like way too disorganized to not write stuff down."

"As I said, same old Teagan." She replied with a grin

"Whatever," I grumbled "so shall we talk or continue to talk about my organizational skills?"

"We can talk." She nodded sitting on the edge of my bed

I sat beside her, careful not to sit too close as my nerves were already at an all time high.

"I'm so sorry for everything that happened, I know this is literally like the second time we've been through this conversation and I'm not trying to say what I did wasn't fucked up. I just really wasn't ready for everything and when you asked me to be your girlfriend it made everything real as where before that I could pretend it wasn't if that makes any sense." She paused looking up at me for a second and then back down at her hands "I know I've hurt you and I don't expect you to forget everything that's happened between us overnight but I do hope we can work towards forgiveness and eventually I can earn your trust back again."

I thought over what she had said and I honestly couldn't find a single thing to be mad at her for in all reality. We had both grown up with similar parents and expectations and it wasn't fair for me to blame her for not being ready to accept herself or be open about it when I still fully wasn't even now.

"I'm not mad at you honestly," I shrugged "but it doesn't change that it hurt. I mean I did resent you for it and I guess I turned the pain into anger which is why I've been so rude to you but I can't say I hold it against you at this point."

I know, I know, but what can I say, I'm a sucker for this girl and I always have been.

"You don't?" She asked looking up at me

I shook my head and noticed her eyes darting down to my lips and then quickly back up. Unable to stop myself I glanced down at her perfectly plush pink lips and the urge to kiss them engulfed me completely as I leaned forward. Our lips connected into a heated kiss of passion that set my entire body aflame. I had missed this more than I had even realized, more than I had ever missed anything or anyone.

A clicking noise followed the creaky opening of the door caused us to separate and turn to find Anna standing there completely shocked as she stared back at us.

Her confusion quickly turned to anger "So is this the fourth, fifth, or tenth girl of the week?"

Oh god fucking fuck.

"Who the hell are you?" Julia questioned back

Anna rolled her eyes "Teagans roommate and you are?"

"Teagan's friend since elementary school."

Anna raised her eye brows looking over at me and then laughed as she turned back to Julia "Okay see I was confused but now it all makes sense."

"What makes sense?" I asked extremely confused by her erratic behavior

She shrugged "Well I was trying to figure out why you seemed like such a player if you weren't one, or at least you claimed not to be one, but this proves it, you totally are."

Julia looked over at me confusion evident in her expression "What does she mean by that?"

I shrugged but Anna spoke before I could "Well Teagan here told me she had only kissed one person before we kissed but then quite literally the same night I saw her kissing another girl while she was drunk even though" she now added air quotes "she doesn't drink. Then the next day she's dipping out of our room at night dressed up to meet another girl who she apparently also kissed that night."

"Is that true?" Julia asked in barely a whisper as she looked over at me

I shrugged and then nodded "Yeah I mean after everything between us I just was ready to move on and it just kinda happened so quickly."

"Ah," Anna breathed out "so you're really trying to pull the this is the one girl I kissed before college card now? Do you really even think that's believable at this point?"

"Jesus Christ shut up Anna." I growled out "You don't even know me at all and it's not my fault you kissed me within days of knowing me."

"Whatever," Anna grumbled rolling her eyes as she walked back towards the door turning to look directly at Julia as she spoke "did you get to see her naked too or was that just me?"

Julia jumped up going after her but Anna slammed the door shut just as I grabbed her by the waist "Julia calm the fuck down."

She threw her hands down releasing her from my grip and turned to face me "What the Fuck have you been doing Teagan? We've only been here for like four or five days!"

"Holy fuck," I breathed out taking a deep breathe before continuing on "I am so sick of being told what to do or who I'm allowed to kiss. I didn't even know you were here or that you would suddenly decide to try and work things out so stop judging me."

She took a deep breathe seeming to think over what I had said, crossing her arms over her chest as she plopped down on my bed.

"Look things have been crazy, I tried telling you on the phone that I have a lot going on right now."

"I know but I wasn't expecting this to be what you meant."

"I wasn't expecting any of this either." I shrugged

She rolled her eyes "So how many girls have you kissed now?"

"You, Anna, and two other girls."

"Who are the other two?"

"I don't kiss and tell." I shrugged

She glared at me "You're really not gonna tell me?"

"Nope."

"Whatever then I'm leaving."

"Now that's a shocker, Julia Potters running away when things get even the slightest bit complicated."

"Don't turn this around on me." She grumbled as she stood and reached for the door knob

I laughed and sat back down in front of my computer not even bothering to look at her as she exited the room with the slam of the door.

God girls are way too much drama this is just getting ridiculous at this point. I mean first I kiss Anna then Rory then Jalyn or whatever and then Anna's mad I'm going out with Rory then Julia decides to resurface from the locked closet she's been hiding in and then just as we're starting to figure shit out and I'm getting to kiss her, Anna's Bitch ass has to show up and cause a scene. I've gotta be dreaming right, or more so having a nightmare? Like this can't be real life and if it is then life is just getting colossally more and more fucked.

I decided to skip lunch to prevent the possibility of running into Anna or Julia and continued watching Pretty Little Lairs until my next class, creative writing. As expected it went the same way the first had and as soon as I gout out I made my way to the dining hall praying to just eat and leave peacefully.

"Hey stranger." A familiar voice spoke up from behind me as I was grabbing a slice of pizza

I turned around to see Rory smiling at me and nearly jumped hard enough to drop my plate.

"Fuck you scared me." I stated causing her to laugh

"Sorry, that definitely wasn't my intention." She smiled looking me up and down "Would you care to sit with me?"

"Uh," I stuttered pausing "I, um, sure."

"Everything okay?" She asked as we headed over to the drink section

I nodded "Yeah um good, why?"

"You're just kinda jumpy today."

"It's a long story." I replied as I grabbed myself a glass of water

She grabbed a glass of coke and then led me towards the tables "Catch me up then."

"I don't think that's a great idea." I shrugged as I sat down

"We'll why not?" She questioned sitting next to me

I shrugged "It's complicated."

She nodded "Would this possibly have to do with another girl?"

More like others girls.

"Something like that." I mumbled out before taking a bite of my pizza

"Girls are complicated." She laughed

"You got that right." I laughed along with her

I was surprised Rory was so relaxed about finding out I was involved with another girl and considering everything that had happened earlier I was ecstatic. We finished eating and then took care of our plates before heading out of the dining hall.

"So where are you headed now?" She questioned looking over at me

I shrugged "I'm not really sure."

"Do you wanna come chill in my room? I was thinking about just chilling and watching a movie." She said smiling over at me

"Sure, thanks." I smiled back

We walked to her room and once the door was shut she turned to look at me "So what should we watch?"

"I'm not sure." I shrugged

"We can always do something other than watch a movie if you want."

"Like what?"

"We'll you could tell me more about this other girl so I know what I'm up against."

I laughed and shrugged "It's a really long story."

"I mean how long could it be we've only been here for a couple days."

"Do you remember that girl I mentioned in the car the other night?"

"The one you were with before college?"

"Yeah."

"Well what about her?"

"I found out she goes here."

It took quite some time to fill her in on the latest drama of my life from kissing my roommate to the random girl at the party and then finding out the girl who broke my heart ended up going to the same college as us. She was quiet just listening calmly as I explained everything and I was grateful to have someone to talk to about everyone. Trust me I'm not saying it doesn't help to write it all down in here but it's different talking it through with someone.

"Well it sounds like you've got yourself in one hell of a situation." Rory laughed "And I don't even know how to begin to compete with someone you have history with dating back to elementary school."

I laughed "Honestly I'd say you're winning right now just for the mere fact that you aren't being ridiculously jealous or mad over all of this."

"Should I be?"

I shrugged "I don't know."

She laughed "Alright well I hate to say this but I really need to get some rest."

"Me too," I said standing up and stretching "goodnight Rory I'll see you tomorrow hopefully."

"No goodnight kiss?" She asked cocking her head to the side

I blushed and slowly leaned down kissing her gently for a mere second before pulling back and smiling at her.

"Goodnight Teagan." She smiled back

I could feel the butterflies rustling around in my stomach as I exited her room and they didn't settle until I was standing outside the door to my room. They turned to stone in a second and I felt as though I could explode from the anxiety coursing through me. I opened the door slowly causing it to creak ever so slightly. Anna turned to look at me as I shut the door and without a word she turned back to her desk and continued studying.

I sighed and walked over to my desk to grab you from the drawer and I guess you're caught up now. I swear I'm not trying to get involved with this much drama and I can't even believe that this has all happened in such a short amount of time. I went from having only kissed one girl in my life to kissing 2-3 girls a day. My mother would not be pleased in the slightest but I honestly could care less at this point.

Until next time you stay girly and I'll stay in the closet awaiting my best opportunity to finally escape.

Love,

Teagan The Closeted Lesbian