Four

It is her tears that keep her soul alive in the furnace of this pain she bears knowingly. Nobody can extinguish what has been, yet only carry her forward until a time comes when that searing pain is distant enough to forget more than remember, and maybe one day erase itself from her brain.

So perhaps it may be an oddity to thank her tears and be proud to cry, yet if that's what saves her from becoming a monster she never wanted to be, a person indifferent to suffering and sorrow, then crying is the only thing she felt like doing at that moment.

Susanna walked down the hospital hallway with quickened steps, her little girl still on her hips as she tried to control the tears that were a product of the pain she had housed, tears that her body and mind were accustomed with for the past seven years, not caring about how people passing by her looked at her. She did not care if they saw her cry. That was how upset she was. Anger, pain, sadness - so intertwined that perhaps their names aught to be tweaked to reflect the true origins of those emotions. Her anger came like an impossible build up steam, burning her on the way out, burning the one on the receiving end. She could tell honestly, every time sheever blew she reckoned the other person deserved it. There was the explosion and then the mental framework afterwards to avoid guilt, avoid owning the shame that was hers. That is how she stayed so independent for so long, so immature, refusing to learn over and over - sacrificing who she was supposed to be to keep a pristine ego. But that pain, that realisation, when she let it in, was more school than any classroom ever was. If she kept on being angry, the problem would leave her in peace.

But the problem is, her problems never did leave. Every problem had its own share and now Mike is back; another problem she had to cope with. Susanna tried to clean the tears that were falling uncontrollably, but it seemed the more she tried, the more it flowed.

She felt like screaming from deep within, forcing it out of her mouth.It was as if her broken soul has unleashed a demon. All she felt at that moment was anger, all she wanted to do was shut every one and everything out of her already collapsing life.

Susanna never trusts anyone because then, if she does not trust anyone, it'll be safer for her, easier to choose not to stay. Mike leaving her thought her that bitter truth. She finally accepted the fact that she was alone in this world and no one could be trusted to lean on. She is okay carrying all her burdens alone.

She knew she was hiding a truth from herself, of how much this is really to do with sadness and the scars that just won't heal. Yet those fists clench and her teeth lock up once the sound threatened to come out.

She could not believe the demon behind her suffering is back. She could not believe the one responsible for the pain and torture she had been in for seven years had come back. He had come back and now her life has become even more complicated.

It never was better, it was always complicated. Who does he think he is? Leaving without a word and ruining her life and later on surfacing back into her life just like that?

To hell with him.

At first it was a thing of joy to see her little girl with her father, happiness was in the moment, the more focused the more intense, like a beam of light to the soul. And just as with well focused light, it is then she found a little better resolution. They were very beautiful together, the resemblance very much evident. She always knew Hannah had her father's features, and it brought back old memories.

Memories that have always been with her since she had met him, since she had fallen in love with him. Since she gave him a chance to her heart but instead, broke it in two.

"Momma" Hannah called, jilting her from her hurtful thoughts into reality, giving all her attention to her baby

She wiped at her eyes, sighing heavily as she let her head drop while she made her way out of the hospital. She had to get away from him if she wanted to be okay emotionally.

Angry tears welled up in her eyes as she felt her throat closing up. He would not do that again to her.

He would not let him come around to ruin everything unannounced.

Not now.

Not anymore.

She still could not believe Mike was back. Seeing him as handsome as always made her anger fuel. After all the suffering she went through, he comes back all handsome looking. He had come back and now her life has become even more complicated.

She just hates that man.

If there was a word more stronger than hate then she would use that word.

Who did he think he is? Leaving without a word and surfacing back into her life just like that?

To hell with him and his handsome face.

Susanna held Hannah tightly, who just looked at her mother as she cried, not understanding why her mother would she’d tears all of a sudden. Her young mind thought it was the Doctor who made her mum cry.

“Mummy?”

“Yes baby?”

“Did that man make you cry?”

“It is nothing love. Let me take you home. I guess I will have to sit work out today to take care of you”

"Momma" Hannah called again, making Susanna sigh.

"What is it baby?" She asked yet again.

"Why are you crying?"

"I got something in my eye baby. Its really nothing. Now lets go get your drugs" She had said but stopped upon hearing her name.

"Susanna"

Turning towards the direction at which she had heard her name, she met Sarah’s gaze.

Ben's wife.

Their friendship is the soft colours of nature, the delicate browns and the sky that deeps to show clearly the stars, it is an earthiness that lasts a lifetime.

They are really good friends and the only friend Susanna has that she could try and share her problems with. To Susanna, Sarah is a friend who believes in her, she believes in any wind or in the face of any rumour. Susanne always looks out for her and helps her in every sort of way possible.

She is the only one who make the cradle for her soul, the very fabric that keeps her warm. And so if it possible, she could thank the universe and every star above a million times that she had a friend like her, that their life paths are woven so intricately.

She also has this love for Hannah and always wanted to take care of her.

They have been good friends since forever and somehow, she still did no understand why Sarah still is her friend. Considering the rumours of her being a witch who killed her parents and husband, she expected Sarah to behave like others did.

But surprisingly, she didn’t. And she could not understand why. Sarah still remembered how she had helped her after Mike left. Her house was taken from her and she became homeless, but Sarah took her home and helped her. For that, she would forever remain greatful to the woman. If not for her, she was not sure she would have survived.

"How are you Susanna?" Sarah asked as soon as she reached Susanna.

"I am fine Sarah. How have you been?"

“Good I guess. Work has been stressful lately but it is all good. Are you supposed to be at work? And what are you doing here with Hannah?" Sarah asked, stretching out her hands to reach for Hannah’s cheek.

"Hannah has a fever and I brought her here so she could see the Doctor. What are you doing here?"

"Well I came to give Ben his lunch which he usually forgets. I will take care of Hannah, why don't you leave her with me and go to work?"

"But....."

"I will take care of her and i will also get the needed drugs. You just do not have to worry about Hannah. Now hurry along now and be on time, you must be late and you know exactly what that boss lady will do to you if you do not make it in time" Sarah said as she took Hannah from her mother's arms and smiled at her.

"You know, i rather deal with her than you. You are a boss lady yourself and a very skilled one at that"

"I must say, thank you for the compliment" Susanne said as she smiled widely.

"Alright. Thanks for looking after Hannah for me. I do not know how i will have managed today if not you coming to my rescue"

"You are always welcome dear, anything to ease your burden. You really have a lot of thoughts on that little head of yours and i want to try minimise it. You can come pick her at my place later today. Say bye to mummy Hannah"

"Bye momma" Hannah meekly waved at her mother who waved her back in return. With that, her mother walked out of the hospital and into the streets.

"Now let us get your medications for you Hannah. You really do have a fever" Sarah said as she carried Hannah, making her way towards the Pharmacy.

"Now lets get your medications for you Hannah" She said as they both made way towards the Pharmacy.