Chapter 7

“Sweetheart, you need to get some

rest.” Mom urges, putting her hands

on my shoulders to gently push me

into the hospital bed.

“I'm not tired, Mom. You guys need to

go home, it's late.” I argue.

She sighs in defeat and takes a seat

beside the bed. “I just want to make

sure you're okay. You seem down

ever since Levi left.” I look away from

her eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Im fine, alright?”

“Oh, please. Honey, I'm your mother.

Don't think I don't know when your

upset about a boy.” She crosses

her arms and raises her eyebrows,

challenging me to deny her

accusation.

“Well, this time you're wrong.” My

phone rings and I see a picture of my

best friend light up on the screen.

“I have to take this. You should really

leave, I know you're exhausted.”

She nods, softly and gets out of the

chair to wake up my father and

Amir, who have passed out on the

couch. Amir takes his leg off the

arm and wipes the drool that was

dripping down his chin. They all

begin to collect their belongings

after Mom explains to them what's

happening.

“Hey, Odi.” I greet, my voice coming out more

dry than I wanted it to. I hear gasp.

“Oh, no. What's wrong?”

“Jesus, if one more person asks me

that I'm gonna cut my head off.”

“Sorry, its just that you sound sad. Did something happen with Levi?” She asks.

My mom gestured that she's leaving,

once I see her toss her bag over her

shoulder. Amir walks over to me

and ruffles my hair, making it even

more messy than it already was. Dad

kisses my forehead and they all leave

out the room. I shoot a smile towards

their receding frames.

I let out a deep breath. “He told me

he loves me and that I should move

back with my parents. He's taking my

stuff there now.”

“He told you he loves you?” She

exclaims.

“Did you say it back?”

“Odilia, I'm not even sure how I

feel. Why would I say it back?”

“Come on, Preethi. You and I, both,

know that's bullshit. Aziel loves you

and you love him, just kiss and

makeup already.” I hear rustling in

the speaker and then silence.

“.Odi?” I call out. “Odi, you still there?”

“Yeah, sorry. I went to get paper. Since you want to be difficult and not admit you want Aziel, we'll make a pros and cons list of the guy.” I release a groan.

“Ugh, this is stupid. It's not going to help me organize my feelings.”

“Actually, that's exactly what it's

supposed to do.” She replies, swiftly.

“Come on, we can start with the easy ones. What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of Aziel?”

My eyes drift to the wall across from my bed, thinking. “I don't know. Complicated. He's very complicated.”

"Okay, good. That's one con, I guess. I need a pro." She demands.

“...Sweet. Aziel can be really sweet when he feels like it. The things he doesn't realize he's doing, like, caring about whether I'm safe. I really like that about him.” A small smile spreads on my face.

“God, woman. If that doesn't tell you what you feel about him, I don't know what will. But, let's continue, if you're still confused. Gimme' another con.”

“My family doesn't like him. Especially Amir, he blames Aziel for me being shot and just down-right despises him. My Dad isn't the biggest fan of him either. I don't know what they'd do if I decided to move back in with Aziel, but I know it wouldn't be pretty.” I explain to Odilia.

After a while, Odi and I come up with a list of a couple pros and cons and now we tally up the numbers of each.

“Okay, I tallied up 5 cons and 12 pros. Preethi you have your answer, now run to him!” She shouts dramatically.

“Odi, it's not that simple. Yes, he excites me and yes, I'm in love with him but that's not enough for me to cause problems with my fa-.” Odi cuts me off with a loud scream.

“Ahhh! I knew it! You love him!” She proclaims.

My eyes widen as I notice what came out of my mouth. I didn't even register what came out of my mouth until I was almost done my sentence. “Oh my god.”

“You already said it, Preethi. Whether it was an accident or not, it's the truth and you know it.” Odilia states.

“I didn't mean for that to come out. I was just talking fast and didn't understand what I was saying.” I begin to say aloud, not sure if I'm talking to myself or to Odi.

“Stop making up excuses, just because you can't except the fact that you're in love with a gang leader. Just own it, Preethi! You're not just hurting yourself by keeping it in, you're hurting Aziel, too. You're hurting me.” She sighs.

“I just want to see you happy. Aziel makes you happy. Sure, he doesn't have the safest lifestyle but, I'm sure that something you two can work out. He loves you and I know you love him back. Love is strange and can be a wonderful thing but if you ignore it or pretend it doesn't exist, it can be painful as hell. Preethi, I love you and I only want the best for you, so please do the right thing. I can't force you to embrace your emotions only you have that power.”

“..Odilia.” I reply softly.

“You don't have to say anything to me. Just get some rest and hopefully you'll have a clear head in the morning. Goodnight.” The line goes silent and I slowly drag my phone down to the bed.

My head falls into my pillow and my eyes stare at the ceiling. I'm so tired but I can't sleep with him crowding my mind. He's the only thing keeping me awake.

Aziel Storm Carter came into my life as the worst thing to ever happen to me. He forced me to live with him and took me away from my family. I had to join his gang and they taught me how to fight. He was unbelievably rude and impatient with me when we had first met. Yet, somehow during my time being with him he began to grow. He became, in a lot of ways, soft around me. Even though he probably views me as stubborn and irritating at times, I know he would ever, intentionally, hurt me.

Even though I never kissed him back, the kisses we shared were amazing. He always shows so much emotion, but mostly when he kisses me.

I take a big deep breath and close my eyes, attempting to calm myself down.

Aziel Storm Carter drives me insane. I don't have every answer to what's going to happen and that okay. I don't know what his reaction would be if I said those three words to him. I don't know what Amir would think. If he'll hate me or not. My dad has hated his family for years, I have no idea how he's going to even believe this is real.

The only thing that I have, finally, come to comprehend is that...

..I love Aziel Storm Carter. I'm in love with him. I'm in love with a gang leader.

I'm fucked.

I set my bag down on my bed, seeing all my old belongings returned back to their rightful place and out of the attic, where my father put them. The two suitcases, Aziel dropped off, are seated near my bedroom door.

The lighting in dim in here and the light against the lamp shade is filling the room with a dull, depressing gray color. I open the bags to begin unpacking my things and a few new items of clothing that I didn't have before I lived with Aziel. He managed to drop off my stuff when no one was home.

It's been a week since Aziel confesses he loved me, which was the last time I've seen him. Saying I missed Aziel would be an huge understatement because words can't even describe how I'm feeling, right about now. I collapse down onto my bed and let out a draining sigh.

“Knock, knock.” A light voice calls out to me from the doorway.

I lift only my head up, glancing at the tall image. My mother stood before me, sending me a sympathetic smile. “Hey.” I answer as my head falls back on the comforter.

“Sweetie, shouldn't you be happy? You're back home with your family and soon you'll be finishing college.”

I groan. I don't know why because she's completely right. This is what I wanted in the first place. To be home with my parents and brother and be able to return to college soon, where Odi is. Freedom is what I, originally, asked for. But now that it's here, I'm not sure if I ever actually wanted that. Maybe I just like to feel in control of myself and being forced to live with a total stranger didn't fit the bill.

To be honest, I'm still confused. Confused as to why I care so much about someone like Aziel. Someone that's so familiar with violence. I don't know if this feeling will ever go away.

But I do know one thing. I'm done lying to people about being okay and, most importantly, I'm done lying to myself about how I feel.

I say it once and I'll say it again. I love Aziel Carter.

I wouldn't change the way I feel for the world. I'm not ashamed of it. I am scared as hell to be harboring these emotions from my family and from him, but I'm not ashamed. I'm afraid that if I tell Aziel that he won't listen or he won't believe me because I've pushed him away so many times. I'm afraid he will only focus on the danger, I would be in, if I stayed with him.

“I don't know what wrong with me, Mom.” I cover my eyes with my hands, tear falling down the side of my face.

“Tell me what's wrong. I can help if you talk to me.” She encourages.

My hands push behind me, bringing my torso off the bed as I lean against the wall. “If I tell you, you're gonna hate me. You all are.”

My Mom, gently, places herself beside me. Her arms goes around my shoulders and rubs my arm. “Preethi, I could never hate you. You're my daughter. What could be so bad that you think I would hate my only daughter,” She asks me.

I feel another teardrop fall and her hand goes up to wipe it away. "..Aziel." A quiet sob releases from my mouth before I can stop it. “I'm in with love him.”

My mother's mouth drops open as she stares back at me. Her hand halts on my forearm. “Preethi..” I can't bare to look at her face anymore. I'm too scared of what she holds in her eyes. “Preethi look at me, sweetie,” she orders, grabbing my face and making me look into her eyes. “I'm your mother. I will never judge you for who you love. No matter who they are. Your feelings are your feelings and you can't control them. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say everything will be fine because things could get ugly when your father and brother find out.”

“I don't want them to find out yet. I wanna tell Aziel, first.” I explain, picking at my cuticles. Dried up tears stained on my cheeks.

Mom nods and we both go silent for a few minutes. Then I feel a poke to my side and look back up to her to see a smirk on the side of her face. “My baby's in love.” She teases.

I feel my face get hot. “Stopp,” I say, shielding my face.

“Aziel Storm Carter. Who would've thought that would be the boy you fall in love with.” She shakes her head in disbelief.

Suddenly I feel a shadow cast over me and both Mom and I turn towards the door and see Amir standing there.

“What the fuck?” His eyes are red and alert. I look at him in horror as his eyebrows scrunched together in anger.