Chapter 7 - Without you.

I awoke the next morning feeling elated as I stretched out and felt butterflies rush through me at the thought of seeing Mallon today. I jumped up out of bed and began running through my dresses, trying to decide on which one to wear today, but my nose scrunched up at how shabby they all looked. I lost count of the times I had sewn and fixed the hems and the bodice. I made my mind up on the dark blue with white trim and my blue shoes.

I sat at my vanity desk as I began brushing through my hair, letting it tumble loosely down my back and shoulders. A faint knock at my door interrupted my peace “Come in” I called out and Maude walked in, looking downcast as she shut my door quietly behind her.

“Is everything ok Maude?” I asked concerningly

She looked at me sadly as she came closer, then reaching into the pocket of her apron, she pulled out a crisp white piece of folded paper and held it out for me to take.

“The prince just left” she informed me, with sympathy in her voice

I paused in anxiousness as my eyes widened and I stared at it in her hand, then slowly took it from her. I unfolded the paper to see handwriting I didn’t recognise, but the greeting in the letter told me who the neat writing belonged to as I read it in apprehension.

“My beautiful Aurelia,

I am sorry this letter has come to you so unexpectedly and I ask that you forgive me for my sudden departure. There are things I must tell you, but please keep it to your discretion. When my father received word that king Edric wished for us to unite our kingdoms, my father was full of doubts and worry in regard to them becoming allies. Over recent years we have heard gossips and talks of your king’s neglect and greed and that he had attempted on many occasions to overthrow other kingdoms that were united with his own. Because of this, my father, king Aldrich had requested that I visit, to not only become acquainted with you, but to see for myself if the gossips were true. In my time here, I have seen and heard many unpleasant and wretched things that I know my father would not want to be a part of. He detests abuse of power and unnecessarily ending a person’s life. I regret leaving you, with such a brute, but I have to report back to Aldrich, before we can marry. My dearest, kind Aurelia, please keep warm memories of me and know that I intend to be with you for all eternity and that I will think of you every day and night until I am with you again. You have my heart Aurelia, so I promise you this, I will be with you again, please don’t forget me and I pray that your feelings for me will remain the same when I return. As for your father, I gave him my word that we will marry, I do hope this will ease his awful behaviour toward you. I am so sorry to leave you like this my love.

Forever and unconditionally yours, Mallon

My hand dropped to my lap, still holding onto the letter as I tried to grasp the fact that he had already left. “Did he say anything to you Maude?” I asked as my heart felt like it was plummeting to the floor

“He seemed rather distressed my dear and, in a hurry, he just asked me to get that letter to you and to make sure no one else saw or read it, that it was for your eyes only and to tell you that he was deeply sorry”

His letter gave his reasons, but I still felt so heavy hearted and abandoned. He speaks of returning but with no clue as to when. I know his choice mustn’t have been easy but all he’s done is left me dispirited and awaiting his return and although that should fill me with hope, it did just the opposite. I felt nothing but trepidation and a sense of loss.

Maude kissed the top of my head in comfort then promised to return with something for breakfast in an attempt to cheer me up.

After she left me alone, I looked down at the letter and read it again, trying to hold on to some hope, to believe in his words, but right now, to me that’s all they were… just words, what if once he returns home, King Aldrich forbids him to marry me, it concerned me that he would have very little reason to agree to our marriage when it is clear he would have no interest in our kingdoms coming together.

Suddenly Maude burst into my room looking flustered as quickly pulled me up from my seat “Quick, my dear, the king has asked to see you right now!”

Filled with dread and in no mood to play nice with him I begrudgingly rushed out of my room to see him. As soon as I neared the throne room, I regathered myself to look poised then walked in calmly as I approached him, while he stood tall and proud in front of his chair, looking down on me as I got to my knees with my head bowed looking to the floor “You asked to see me, my king?”

“Yes” he replied smugly “I thought I’d make you aware that the prince left early this morning!”

Of course, I had to play dumb and surprised.

“Oh, I see, was there anything the matter?”

“No, quite the contrary actually! Seems I made a good impression on the young man, he told me that he wished to return home and inform King Aldrich that he wishes to marry you” He laughed in triumph “I made sure the man had a good time, and I could see he has a taste for the high life, seems I’ll be able to form him into the king I have always wanted as an heir” at his last remark I could feel him looking at me in disappointment. “So, when he returns, I expect you to be ready to greet him as a wife should and leave it to me to arrange the ceremony and everything else… Understand?”

“Yes, your majesty”

“That will be all… leave now!”

I got up from my knees and bowed one more time before turning and leaving him alone to relish in his accomplishment.

xxxxxx

Even though I hadn’t known Mallon for very long, I suddenly found myself with no eagerness to do anything, I had spent the first few days sitting in my room or just wandering around my mother’s wing of the castle. My father had been celebrating almost every night since Mallon left. He was more smug than ever before which just made him even more insufferable to be around, and I avoided him like was fire and I was just a sad little sapling trying to escape his burn, wishing I had grown somewhere more peaceful, where I could just be left alone. Of course, not all my misery was just because of Mallon’s confusing departure but I hated it here every day, I hated hearing Edric’s voice boom through the rooms or the way he would sneer at me or call me useless among many other names. But when Mallon came it was as if he ignited a light in my heart that I didn’t even know was there, or even possible to feel. Now three weeks later with no news not even a whisper of his return, I’m beginning to feel as if I imagined it all, like he was just someone I created in my mind for comfort and a taste of what love was really like.

I scurried through the castle gardens, quickly picking what potatoes and vegetables looked ripe, I hid them in my cloak, luckily no one noticed me as I made my way out of the main doors with Nathaniel smiling at my side. I had told him what I had planned to do today and swore him to secrecy from my father and the rest of the guards.

I reached Nora’s as quick as I could, as soon as I shown her all the vegetables, I had been able to scrounge together, she hauled out a big black cooking pot and we got to work chopping and dicing the food to make a thick broth for all the malnourished and elderly in the town.

“How have you been princess, any word of the prince coming back yet?”

I shook my head, as my heart grew dimmer “No, nothing” I let out a long sigh and she momentarily stopped cooking to wrap one of her heavy arms around my shoulders

“Don’t give up hope my lady, he’s sure to come back soon”

“I know, I’m still holding out hope” I replied half truthfully. I felt as if my hope was nearly thread bare.

I looked up from the cooking pot and out of my own thoughts to see Nathaniel pacing back and forth looking out for any guards, if any of them saw that I was here trying to feed the people, they’d report back to the king, and he was punish me and his excuse would most likely be that I was trying to ‘upstage him!’

I put out the old pots that Maude had given me from the kitchen and started to divide up the broth as Nora began handing it out to children and their skinny parents, I stayed safely hidden under the cloth roof of her stall, but I saw the joy and grateful smiles on their faces as they chugged down on the food, knowing it would keep them full for most of the day. It was the pleading look in the children’s eyes wishing they could have more, their little innocent eyes begged for just one more taste and my heart plummeted even further to see the desperation in our people and not being able to give them a better life.

‘One day’ was all I could pray for… ’one day’

Nora came back in the stall and noticed my fallen expression, she patted her hand on my shoulder and looked at me in sympathy “I know how you’re feeling, I feel the same for them too, but at least you’re here doing something!”

“It’s not enough” I told her sadly “they need more… so much more! My voice cracked

“Yes, I know… but what we’re doing is a start, you know just as well as I do, we can’t make a habit out of this without the king noticing, small and steady steps princess”

I scoffed as I shook my head in anger “he shouldn’t be king!

Nora chuckled as she began rummaging through her things “ahh preaching to the choir, my dear, we’ve all had enough of him here

“Mallon spoke of his kingdom, he said his father always fed his people and that he never saw such poverty before!”

“So, we’re the lucky ones that gave him a new outlook on life” she grinned sarcastically. She finally stopped going through her things as she held up a big clean piece of cloth and she came toward me “My dear, you’re here, and you’re doing what you can… we all are. At least you’re not turning away and pretending that it’s not a problem, we all know you care princess, and we all wish things were different too, but this is our life, it’s the hand we were dealt, so as long as we all help each other to get by, then we’ll be ok… ok?”

“Ok” I sighed, trying to accept the truth in her words. We had to hold up the white flag and admit that there was nothing more we could do without getting into trouble and not just a slap on the wrist’s kind of trouble.

“Well, you better head back, it’ll get dark soon, I’m going to deliver the rest of the broth to the ones unable to come to us” Nora spoke as she covered the entire pot with her cloth

“Yes, you’re right, I’ll be back soon though ok, as soon as I can bring more food”

“Ok” she nodded as I began to leave her stall “Oh and princess?”

“Yes?” I asked, turning to face her

“Thank you, thank you for today and all the days you come here just to be with us”

I smiled feeling the gratitude and warmth in her words bring a dash of light back into my heart “I’ll see you soon Nora”

xxxxxx

For the last four days I had managed to hide bits of bread, vegetables and fruits that had been left over from Edric’s feasts and stashed them away in my room, I decided I’d drop It all off with Nora today on my way to visit Joan. I stuffed everything into a cloth bag and hid it under my cloak as I snuck through the hall, hoping to make it to the doors without any of the guards or worse, my father stopping me.

The hall was empty, all but Nathaniel as standing guard at the door, he opened it quietly and motioned for me to hurry, we quickly left and made our way through the village market. We briefly stopped at Nora’s to hand over the food then made our way to Joan’s house that was just past the village, in the more quieter and richer part of our land, but when we arrived at her home, I was surprised to see it wasn’t much bigger than the homes in the village, it had two floors from what I could see outside but the house was narrow, crooked and the roof looked as though it could cave through at any moment. At least the garden was tidy and pretty bluebells were planted beneath the window beams. At least Joan kept the garden together.

I tapped at the door and in a short moment, Joan opened it with a wide smile on her face, but it quickly faltered when she saw Nathaniel stood next to me.

I laughed as I looked at her reassuringly “You don’t need to be concerned about him, he’s a good friend and his name is Nathaniel”

“Oh, ok then, well if you say he’s a friend then I shall treat him as such” and her smile swept across her face again. “Come on in then, my dears, don’t doddle outside in that cold”

She took us into a small, cosy room that had a fire lit, she ushered us to sit at a small wooden table right in front of it as we warmed up our cold fingers.

“You just wait here, I’ll fetch some tea” Joan left to her kitchen as I took in the space around us. There was pride taken in this home, the furniture and little touches were warm and tasteful, but nothing looked too expensive, in fact it looked as though Joan and Matthias lived quite humble lives.

“What is it?” I whispered to Nathaniel as I noticed an astonished expression cover his face

He shrugged nonchalantly “I just… from the outside it looked like it would be a shambles on the inside too, but its nice… and its warm... this fucking room is bigger than the kitchen my parents have, and this is just one of three rooms on this floor!”

“What is your home like?” I asked curiously

“Uhh, a lot smaller than this” he scoffed

“Here we are!” Joan interrupted as she came in with a tray, with three small China teacups and a pot to match set upon it. She poured us all a cup as she sat in an empty chair beside me. “So, Princess Aurelia, how are you doing these days?”

I rolled my eyes in amusement at her “Joan, call me Aurelia, no ones here that will care”.

She giggled and took a sip of her tea before her eyes widened and she gasped “Oh Aurelia, tell me how is that dashing prince of yours?”

“Umm, well he left for his home a few weeks ago and hasn’t returned since”

“Yes, my Matthias did tell me it was rather sudden, but that he promised the king he’d return to marry you”

“Well… actually Joan, I don’t know if that’s the truth”

“What do you mean dear?”

“I think he only told the king he would, to soften the blow of him leaving. You see Mallon left a letter for me too, one that I’ve had to keep secret. Only Maude knows… and well now you two do, but in his letter, although he declares to love me, he did say he’d make sure the king didn’t take him leaving out on me, and I just keep thinking that, maybe Mallon only spoke of us being wed to keep my father happy, but that will only last for so long. The King might be brash and thinks of only himself, but he will start to get restless and will start to question if Mallon mean what he said. I mean it’s been four weeks now, it’s only a matter of time before the king starts getting suspicious”

Joan nodded in understanding as she poured more tea into our cups “I can see why you’re worried Aurelia, but I saw the way Mallon danced with you, I saw the way he smiled and let me tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man smile with so much love the way Mallon did when he was with you. I know you’re frightened, just as always, your future is filled with so much uncertainty and you doubt your own worthiness, as if there’s no possible way a prince could not only love you but to also be a good and kind man. Aurelia, you just need to trust in him and trust in yourself too, whatever happens, you will be ok, you are a lot stronger than you see yourself. Hell, if you can get through living with that father of yours then you have a strong will my girl and that’s all you need!

I smirked as I looked to her in gratitude and let out a long relieved breath “Thank you Joan, maybe I did just need a pep talk, I suppose I didn’t just fall in love with the prince, but I also saw him as my ticket out from my father’s rule. I knew that one day he’d hand his throne over to Mallon and I’d finally be free of him”.

“I know, I think we all wish to be free of him”

I smiled as I grasped her hand in mine, then looking around the room I decided to change the subject, I was tired of thinking and talking of Mallon and my father.

“So, Joan, tell me, do you enjoy living here? You’ve made it look rather homely”

“Well both Matthias and I have had to keep up a lot of maintenance on it, the walls are very thin and the roof falls apart whenever we have rain, but I am so thankful to be here, the homes down in the village are barely liveable”

Nathaniel scoffed all too noticeably in irritation by her comment “god forbid you have thin walls in all your many rooms” he spoke sarcastically his posture looking ruffled

Joan just grinned at him and cleared her throat “Nathaniel, as our Aurelia claims you’re a friend of hers I’ll let your comment slide”

“And I’ll let yours!” he rebuffed with a serious expression

Joan huffed as her eyes gazed down to her lap “Nathaniel, I only speak of the state of those houses because I used to live in one!”

“You did?” I asked in surprise, sitting upright in my chair in curiosity… “I didn’t know that!”

“Of course! Before the king appointed Matthias as his first guard, we lived in the village when we were first wed. I had a small but nice home when I was a child and my parents worked hard but we always ate well, but that was during your grandfather’s reign. When your father first took over, everything seemed to stay the same, everyone lived well enough and had comfortable homes but after two years, around the time me and Matthias started courting, things started to dilapidate, and more money was taken from us. My parents passed away and me and Matthias got married then he came to live in my home with me and things just got worse, no matter how hard we worked we were only just scraping by. The king didn’t appoint Matthias until after your mother died, at first I thought It was a kindness on his part but then I realised it was just an empty gesture, so he could have Matthias as his beck and call, someone at his side instead of taking another wife and then year after year things around this end of town fell apart too, if it wasn’t for Matthias and me being so handy, I don’t think this place would still have a roof!”

“Then I must apologise” Nathaniel looked sincerely at Joan “I suppose I just assumed things had always been easy for the richer folk”

Joan Pursed her lips and smiled sadly at Nathaniel “Unfortunately, my dear, there is no such thing as richer around here anymore, but I do still consider myself very lucky Things might be a bit of a struggle here but I’m not blind and I’m not oblivious to how much worse things have become in the village”

“They get worse every day” Nathaniel responded as he frustratingly ran a hand through his dishevelled auburn hair

Suddenly my mind clicked with a regretful realisation, Nathaniel had become a friend to me over the last few months and yet I know nothing about him “Nathaniel, forgive me, I’ve never asked but… do you have family?”

He nodded his head slowly and sighed “My parents live in the village, but it’s a very small home, kind of tucked away behind some of the other houses, I did have an older brother, but he died eight years ago”

“I’m sorry to hear that” Joan spoke softly “How old was he?”

“He was nineteen years of age”

“Oh, your poor parents” Joan’s bottom lip quivered as she pulled out a crisp white hanky from her dress sleeve “And how do your parents fair now?”

“They get by things are a bit better for them now, I’m a guard, but when I was too young to earn a wage, they barely ate so that I could”

I looked at Nathaniel in disbelief as shame filled me to the core, ashamed that it was my father creating so much hardship and misery

“I’m so sorry Nathaniel… I am so truly sorry, I wish… I wish I knew what to do… I wish I had some way of making the king change, making him see what he’s doing” I stuttered with discouragement as I sat feeling useless, just a pointless guest in the castle who had no right to be called a princess.

“Princess, none of this is your doing, you have no need to apologise” He looked at me with sincerity in his eyes.

Joan had managed to move the topic of conversation onto happier things as we laughed and sipped some more fresh tea she made for us then we finally made our way home some hours later as Nathaniel reminded me the king had requested I ate my dinner in the hall tonight, seeing as I hadn’t been present there since Mallon left not to mention I could barely muster the patience.