Chapter 3. My Past Mistakes

When I was 18 years old, I had my first boyfriend. He is older than me, around 5 years gap. We had been boyfriend/girlfriend for 5 years until I called it off. I was immature at that time. I was jealous and insecure, still a student. He was a bank manager. He traveled and brought her secretary cum teller. Words reached me that they are having a relationship, though he did not confirm that. I was mad as hell. I turned around and married the first man who offered marriage to me and that was my ex-husband. After 18 years of marriage, my husband left us for another younger woman. Take note..younger woman. I left with my children and immigrated to California. Got a working visa and the rest is history. The story of my life...... You bored?

No, I am listening... go-ahead 

I had relationships, actually 2. Because I was busy working, paying credit cards, student loans, mortgage, and other miscellaneous expenses, they got tired of waiting. 

Boyfriend # 1, impregnated his secretary. When I found out, he blamed me because I didn’t spend time with him. He would like to travel with me but my time was not permitted due to work. I have 2 jobs...work 7 days a week. We only had dinner every other weekend. He got tired of the arrangement. He looked for attention and care. He found those, including intimacy with his current secretary who was 10 years younger than me. Though they did not get married because he told me that he still cared and loved me dearly... well, I can't be in a third wheel. We called it quits after 5 years of dating.

Boyfriend # 2, same case scenario, impregnated our colleague though she is married. Their love story was so scandalous. The woman filed for divorce while pregnant. They lived together with the child but did not marry each other. We talked and we compromised not to even see each other.

That was the story of my failed relationships after my divorce.

On another note...... When my sister attended a family reunion in Vancouver, BC, one of our relatives there worked with my first ex-boyfriend in the bank. He told her that my ex-boyfriend was then so in love with me that he almost ruined his life after I got married. He continues to have a girlfriend even though he has been married for many, many years. He keeps on searching. Question for you...is that true?

For some yes... Especially if the guy was so in love with the woman and they got separated for some reason. This guy can not be content with his wife or girlfriend because, in his mind, why did she leave me? Something was wrong with me. That’s why he was restless or maybe he was calling your attention to get back to him.....joke

I know you’re joking, you’re playing with my emotions....

So what’s your plan? Saving their marriage? You felt guilty. Why was he acting that way? I am sure he did not get it over with you yet... love is very complicated or just an excuse to get a girlfriend while married?

I just wanted to talk to him. If he agrees to a lunch meeting and hopefully help to straighten his life and I will ask for forgiveness for what I have done to him. Maybe I will tell him that I am not worthy of his love. To make him feel better. And at the same time, close the book. I was told by my cousin that every time they bumped into each other, he would always tell her that I am still the love of his life. Creepy huh! 

He really loves you... sad, but as a guy, he fell for you so badly that he neglected his wife to search for someone like you. I felt him. 

Sad huh... You mean, I am really responsible for his behavior? Tell me honestly please... I don’t want to die having this whole in my heart that I hurt someone and was not able to recover. I felt so bad, very bad. I felt that I was a monster, a bad person.

Hey, be kind to yourself. You’re not totally responsible, he was part of it that he can't move on, he is so weak. Falling in love with you is worth it.

You’re playing with my emotions again... let us change the topic. Anything you want to share? Happy stories!

I don’t have many life stories to tell except I am moving on from the nightmare of my life.

I can feel your sadness, it shows in your eyes. Well, I hope you’ll be able to meet someone soon to make your life interesting and worth starting over again. Do you believe in destiny?

Yes, I do now.

What do you mean, you do now?

Adam: It’s secret hahaha... Can I offer you a drink? I think we can order wine, red or white? This is going to be a long trip and I am glad I am seated beside you. We can talk over a glass of wine.

I only drink Moscato de Asti, but if they don’t have that, red is fine.

Adam ordered wine and they continued to talk about life’s experiences, good and bad, until Adam noticed that Savannah was dozing off. 

He put Savannah’s head on his chest so she would be comfortable. He looked at her admiring her lovely chiseled face. I will make you mine, kissing her forehead and caressing her hair. Goodnight Savannah, then he started to doze off himself.

Savannah woke up to the smell of food shoving in her nostrils by Adam.

Lunch is ready. Chicken or beef?

Chicken for me, can I order coffee?

I will call the steward... Can she have coffee with creamer? 3 and 3, please.

Sure, anything else, water, tea?

Extra water for me, please.