Chapter 12: Vague Torments

Diane’s P.O.V.

Now, I left with nothing. In just an instant, I lost my honor, purity, and dignity to a rapist. In just a matter of seconds, my future was ruined.

I thought my suffering was over, but it was not. Although he untied my wrists from the headboard of the bed, I could feel nothing—my whole body seemed to be numb and disoriented. It came to a point where I no longer cared about what he would do to me next. That it would be better if he would just kill me so that this torture could finally end.

He repeatedly claimed my body that night as if he was not getting tired of it. When he got enough, he was panting while resting on top of me. He waited for his breathing to become steady before he laid his body beside me, hugged me so tight like I was a piece of his possession until he fell asleep.

Everything hurts now. Every damn little thing. It seemed like my body didn’t belong to me anymore. Long after my tears had dried and my lacerations put me into tatters, I no longer yearned to see the dawn.

Quickly dragging myself away from the bed, I was out of breath as if I ran a thousand miles. That caused my whole body to profusely sweat. As I heaved a deep sigh of relief, I had released all the stiffness lurking inside my chest due to unfathomable nervousness.

“Oh! Thank, God. It was just a dream again!” I muttered while sullenly rubbing my forehead.

I had been dreaming about that weird scenario for two years already. With so many explicit details, everything seemed to be true like it happened in real-life. It was the same nightmare that I did not know, nor comprehend, what was the real connection with me.

Our mother was kind and understanding, but when I told her once about this kind of dream, she ended up scolding me. She suspected me of imagining lascivious acts and even accused me that I might have already leveled up my performance in the club.

She also blamed me for allegedly reading pocketbooks related to sex and watching movies that contain pornography! I would end up smiling while convincing her that I would never do those kinds of things. Mom was nice, but sometimes, she was overreacting.

So, even that nightmare would visit me a few more times, my mouth was zipped as I would not speak about it… but it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t affecting me.

There was no single day that I wasn’t thinking about that dream. It was clear, but at the same time, vague. The scenes were always like that, and nothing changed even from the start. That dream would always make me question myself about a lot of things, like…

Why do I keep on dreaming about it when my mind wasn’t even obscene?

Why would I dream about it when it didn’t happen to me? And there was no chance I would prefer that rape to ever happen to me.

Glancing over my bedside table, I grabbed my cellular phone to look at the time. It was already six in the evening. I set aside my thoughts because I had to go to work. My duty was every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, from eight to ten in the evening. Today was Saturday. The two-hour duty plus the time I spent commuting were nothing compared to what I could earn for these hours.

My head still hurts because we spent the night at the house of my classmate and friend, Karen, to finish our thesis. We were three in the group, and the other one was Lorenz. It was just a documentary thesis for now, but the final defense would happen in the next term.

The school administration had decided to implement a thesis for the first time in the Accountancy course, and it was just too unlucky for us that it happened on our batch. I got home by ten in the morning, and I slept past one in the afternoon due to the extreme heat, although it was already September—the start of supposed to be cold ‘ber’ months.

After dragging myself away from the bed, I went straight to my comfort room. I bathed for almost an hour and prepared myself to go to work. Wearing a black sleeveless lacy top, I paired it with a white blazer and faded blue pants.

I have shoulder-length wavy hair and just let my strands fall freely while smiling at my reflection in the vanity mirror. Having been blessed with large breasts at size 36B, as much as possible, I didn’t wear anything that would potentially expose my cleavage. I just put on some face powder and lipstick, and I was all set.

My room was located on the second floor of our bungalow house, and when I went downstairs, I went to Mom’s bedroom first to check on her. It was a good thing that she was already sleeping soundly.