Chapter 3

Jasper was taken aback and when he recovered, he lowered his head. Not long after and I saw how tears fell down his cheeks. I tried to control my emotions before I gently lifted his face to meet his eyes.

I tried so hard to smile to reassure him even if what I really wanted to do was to sit on the ground and weep. But I could not break down in front of Jasper. It will only weaken his resolve, he would only worry more. And I could not be that selfish. My pain and misery should be mine only. He did not have to carry my cross, too. I wanted to at least, do that for him. Because when I was in his age, I did not experience what he was experiencing now.

Once upon a time, I was able to live the life that I wanted. And I dreamt of him to experience the same thing.

“I’m sorry. I was just surprised, that’s all,” I said in a softer voice. “But I can’t just give up on our mother, Jas, especially when I was the one who put her through that. Because I was the one who was supposed to be lying on that bed and not her.” My eyes began to water. “Doing this is the least that I could do for her and for my own sanity as well. Giving her up would be like giving up on myself, too. And I can’t bear that. I know that if she’s in my shoes, she would have done the same thing for me. Because that’s what Mommy’s like. She would do anything for us.” I tried to smile. “The things I’m doing now would not even be enough to compensate for what she’s done to me and to our family. I haven’t even apologized to her yet, Jas. I still need to say it. And she has to hear it.”

“But-“

“No matter what you say, I will wait for Mommy to wake up. And I don’t care how long it would take. The thing that you said I lost? It’s just a dream. I can dream another dream once she wakes up. But we can’t have another mother once I give her up. But thank you, Jasper. Thank you so much.”

“W-what for?”

“I’m convinced now that you just wanted to help our family. But if you really wanted to help, then I urge you to do the right thing. Return the wallet to its owner.” I took his hand and placed the wallet on top of it. “If ever the old woman was no longer in the waiting shed, find a way to contact her. I’m sure she had her contact details in her wallet. Don’t lose yourself just to help your sister.” I gently wiped his tears. “I’m not proud of what you did. But I’m proud to be your sister, Jas. I’ve always been. And I’m sorry if I’ve been failing to make you realize that. It’s true that I’m willing to do everything for our family but aren’t you the same? If I lasted this long, it’s because of all of you. Besides, you’re wrong. I still haven’t done my best yet.” I shook my head and smiled bitterly. “If I did, then none of these wouldn’t have happen. And we won’t be having this kind of conversation.”

“If you catch me crying, it’s just because I’m missing our parents. And if you truly love me, then Jas, I need you to trust me one more time. I need you to trust that I can at least do this much for us; that I can provide for us.” I caressed his cheek. “Let me handle this. You’re still too young. You know what you really ought to do? It’s to enjoy your youth. Do this for me, Jas. Because you can never have this kind of time in your life again.”

After embracing my brother, I quickly left. I didn’t turn to look at him for the last time because I was worried that he would see my tears. But I didn’t walk for a long time. A car suddenly stopped near me. And from there, a man came out. Aside from Jasper, he was the only man that I could trust now.

And when the man gently smiled at me, suddenly, my fears, worries, disappointments, uncertainties, and tears that I had been trying to hold back burst out all at once.

(Jeremiah)

THERE was no stronger person in the whole world other than a mother who would move mountains for her child, than a daughter who was determined to save her parent at all costs, than a sister who would shield her sibling from life’s cruelties, and Alison was all that and more. That’s what I’ve proven while staring at my best friend.

Then and now, for me, she was still every beautiful word that could be found in a dictionary.

It’s been more than a week now since I last saw Alison. When I was in Taiwan, I’d call her night after night to make sure she was doing all right. And she would always tell me that there was nothing to worry about, that she was okay. I have always known that there were so many things hiding behind that simple four-letter word of hers. And I have been waiting for her all these years to come around like she always did in the past.

But Alison just wouldn’t tell me the truth. She had a different meaning of “okay” now. She looked pale and extremely exhausted. She also had dark circles under her eyes. And I knew it was not just because she was lacking sleep. Even if she refuse to say it, I knew that she was not only physically tired.

There was urgency in the way she walked towards me. I saw her brother not too far away. And he was looking at us with such sad eyes. And then I understood why. I stepped closer to Alison. When I opened my arms, she ran to me and embraced me. I could feel her shaking. Her body was cold. Despite that, I waved and smiled at Jasper’s direction to pacify him.

“Don’t worry. I got this,” I mouthed.

Jasper seemed relieved as he waved back and started walking to the opposite direction. He was the one who informed me about Alison’s secrets. And despite my worries, I was glad that Jasper thought of me at an important time like this.

Jasper and Alison both had the same personality and principles. It was obvious that Jasper adored his sister a lot. They constantly refuse the financial help that I keep offering. They would always tell me that they can manage by themselves. Jasper also refused the gifts I sent him and told me that his sister wouldn’t like that, that by doing so, she might be convinced that I’m only around them out of pity.

There was one thing that the Cabrera household could not resist, though. It was my mother’s home-cooked meals. My mother was a surgeon that’s why she cherished her days-off so much. And yet, she would spend it cooking for Alison’s family. Together, we would visit them. If I was stubborn, so was my mother who was thrice as much since she treats Alison and Jasper as her own children.

The truth was until now, she never stopped playing Cupid by attempting so many ways to pair me up with Alison, saying that maybe things had to happen because the two of us were meant for each other all these time. But Alison was not the type to give in no matter the circumstances.

I was surprised when Jasper called me last night, knowing that it probably took him tons of guts to be able to reveal something as delicate and as big as his sister’s secret. He also seemed drunk when he asked for a video call.

“I’m begging you, kuya Rem,” I remembered him say last night. “Please help my sister. Help me put some sense into her thick head. Try to convince her that she doesn’t have to tear herself apart just for us. She had already lost so much. And now, she’s even letting her dream go. And it sucks, kuya Rem. It sucks to find out that while she was trying her best to cheer me up and to help me make my dreams come true, in the process, she had lost hers.

“I know that she cries every night behind closed doors. She cries by herself. Tell her not to suffer all by herself. Tell her that it’s okay to be weak sometimes, that she can cry on us. We’re family. Please make her see that we will always understand her no matter what.” Jasper smacked his chest. “If this was hurting me, then I can’t imagine how much she was hurting because of this, too.”