CHAPTER 3

Once I was calm, I chose to ignore what had just happened and remembered what I had come in here for. I opened the refrigerator, took out a bottle of water, and downed it down my throat in one go. And then my stomach growled, and I had to look for something to eat. I spotted a chicken mayo sandwich in the fridge, and I grabbed it together with another bottle of water. I closed the door and leaned on it. I did not bother myself with sitting on one of the chairs as I bit into my sandwich. I could even tell if it was good or bad. I just chewed and washed down the taste with water. After I was done, I headed to Maria's room. Her room was at the far end of the house, and I dragged myself through the whole journey. Not bothering to knock, I reached for the doorknob, and it was locked.

"Maria," I called out.

"Get away from me, you monster. You can't harm me. Dan is almost here and is going to fucking throw you out before you do anything to me!" she screamed.

She was already in first-name stages with my husband, and she was calling him on me? I laughed at the thought. Of course, she could call my husband whatever she wanted. She has been sucking his dick for what seems to be a long time now. I closed my eyes, calming the anger that was once again simmering through me. I did not want to deal with another episode of a tight neck and a cracking head. Those always come whenever I get angry.

"Don't you worry; getting away from you is all I want to do right now. I don't even want to see your face, because if I do, I am going to do something stupid like wipe the floor with it. That is something you deserve, but I don't want murder charges pressed on me," I sneered. "So before this, your Dan gets here; I want your bags packed so that you can leave with him as soon as he gets here."

"I am not going anywhere; this is Dan's house, not yours. He is the one who bought it."

"Yeah, you and he will be leaving, so I guess you used the right pronoun; you are not leaving alone," I pointed out and went away, leaving her shouting her senseless argument behind me.

I went upstairs to take a bath. I never had a shower when I got here yesterday, and I was now feeling uncomfortable in my skin. When I got to my bedroom, I noticed that my handbag was no longer where I had dropped it the previous day, and the bed was made, but I could not help the image of my husband on our bed with someone else coming into my mind. And the image made me angry. I noticed my phone was on the bedside, so I walked there and picked it up. I powered it on and shot a message to my mother, apologizing for not texting her once I got home, giving her an excuse why, and of course I lied to her. How was I going to tell her that the reason I was not reachable is because I found my husband in bed with someone else? Knowing my mother, she was going to call me non-stop, and I did not want to talk to anyone at the moment, so I shut off my phone and went ahead to take a bath.

After a well-deserved bath, I went back downstairs. I was sure I was not going to run into Maria downstairs and that was a relief. Whatever had happened earlier on did frighten her. What I wanted was to face my so-called husband the moment he walks in through the door.

Last night I had cried myself to sleep. I was feeling betrayed and I was broken and devastated. All night I was wondering where exactly had I gone wrong with Daniel. I did everything for him, everything!

That is one thing about being cheated on is that it makes a huge negative impact on your self-esteem. You wonder if you were ever enough for him and if you weren"t enough what is the part you were lacking. It makes you question your worth. In my situation, I was the woman every man dreamed of having, a beauty with brains. A woman who possessed the beauty of a goddess, a body that every lady would kill for, and a royal attitude that a queen would envy. At all the parties he hosted and clothing lounges, attention was centered on me because I was like a magnet. I knew how to spend money on a garment, I knew how to carry myself as a wife with dignity, I knew how to present myself to the world and most of all I knew how to push a man right up to the top. But then he did not appreciate all that, he didn't "t even see how lucky he was and he chose a maid, a fucken maid who knew nothing about being a woman with dignity, nobility, or honor over me. Someone who could not draw a line through her eyebrow let alone a business plan. That was a huge blow to my ego and to my self-esteem.

but today when I walked into this house, all I could feel was anger burning inside me and I needed to quench it so I took a glass and my favorite bottle of gin, Nolet"s Reserves from the mini bar together with the ice cubes box and I sat on the couch in the foyer. I poured the bright blue liquid into the glass and took a shot. I closed my eyes and treasured the fire-scorching effect of the liquid on my tongue, my throat, and finally my stomach.

Instead of calming the anger inside me, the blue liquid seemed to have heightened it. Angry at Daniel for doing this to me, for betraying me, for making me go through such heartache and disappointment; anger at Maria for taking what is mine; angry at myself for trusting Daniel with my heart; for loving him without leaving a space for disappointment; and angry at the world for being so cruel.

***

"Niara!" I heard him scream my name, and my eyes immediately flew open so I could take in the image of this serpent, ready to smash the gin bottle against his skull. I was greeted by two images of serpents standing in front of me. The female version stood behind the male version, clinging on to him as if she were seeking protection, tears running down her gaunt cheeks. He was holding her hand, but I couldn't care less. I have witnessed worse, but just the image of them made me livid.

Within a split second, I was on my feet, pointing at them with shaky fingers as I tried to talk, but the rage that had erupted within my hand caused a lump to swell in my throat, suppressing every word that wanted to come out. That tight, aching feeling was sneaking on me, and I closed my eyes, bit my lower lip, and my palm formed a fist as I gathered myself up, trying to put the rage under a leash. Finally, I succeeded a bit and spit through gritted teeth, still pointing at her, "What is she doing in under my roof?"

"Niara," he whispered, trying to calm me down but failing miserably

"Do not fuckin call my name, not with that grave hole you call a mouth. I want that piece of trash out of here right now!"

"Niara?" he tried again.

"I said, do not fucking call my name!" I screamed my lungs out and screeched my voice box, but I couldn't care less. That was the least of my problems.

"I am sorry but I can't just throw her out of here."

"You are not throwing her out; I am fucking am, and I must have left the part where you are fucking leaving with her!"

I was screaming, and my body felt tight and wound up. I felt like something was going to burst out of me at any moment. The pain in my neck is getting unbearable with each passing second, and so was the pain in my head but I was going to hold my ground.

"This is my house too, Niara. Where do you expect me to go?" he countered

"Do I sound like I give a flying fuck about that?" I had wanted to scream, but it came out as a loud growl.

I was going to burst. I could feel it. I could sense it, and I did not know what to do with myself. I was feeling dizzy too; my feet were slowly failing to support me, so I took a step back and sat down, bringing my head to my knees.

"Did you see that? Did you hear that, Daniel? Did you?" I heard her rattle, "She is a monster, babe, she really is. That is why she can't give you a baby. I will never be safe with her. Me and your baby. You need to throw her out!"

Baby

That word was the keyword of her rant. The word rang in my ears and felt like a punch in my gut. It knocked the wind out of my lungs.

I did not want to believe that my husband had gotten someone pregnant. But when I raised my head and looked at him, and the moment he looked away, unable to look me in the eye, I knew I was dead ass wrong.

The previous night, I had claimed that I had done everything for him, and I was wondering what and where I lacked. I was wrong. I gave him everything else. My heart, my time, my life, everything except for a baby. I failed to give him that. For the past three years, we have been married, we have tried for one, but I failed to.

When we first tried for a baby, we were hopeful and happy. And then months came and went and I was starting to get worried. Each time when my cycles ended and I would get my period, I would cry my eyes out. We ended up visiting the gynecologist to see if anything was wrong with me. Yes, there was something wrong with me. It was not something simple, like endometriosis or PCOS. He could not explain it to me better than saying my whole reproduction system was a whole lot fucked. "It doesn't exactly look like that of a human being at all,"

Those were his exact words.

But then he had assured me that he did not really want the baby and that if someday he wanted one, he would tell me and we would figure out a way around it.

So there we were, just another rich couple with no kids. But then that wasn't going to be for much longer. He had decided I wanted a baby and went ahead to have one. What happened to "I will tell you if my mind ever changes and we will talk about it," I do not know.

Looking at my husband and seeing the guilt written all over him, I knew I needed to go away. The initial plan was to throw my husband and his mistress out of the house I shared with my husband, but I no longer had the energy to fight. That energy had been driven by anger, but that anger had faded away, and all I could feel were pins and needles jabbing in my heart.