Chapter 4

Seeing that smile that I had not seen in months moves me, with eyes full of tears, I throw myself into his arms, I missed him, seeing him now shows me how much I missed him, "I can't believe you're here," I separate from him and wipe my tears. "You're here," I whisper, biting my lip to stop myself from crying.

"Yes precious," he smiles, "I had a hard time finding you but here you are," Randon Black is standing in front of me, just like before, he hasn't changed at all.

"But how have you done it?" My friend looks around us. "We should talk, I have something to tell you," he says with a serious expression, for some reason my heart races more than it should and that feeling becomes more intense.

"What's wrong Randon? Don't give me these scares ..."

"Marilí, we have to talk, but not here, come and take me to a place where we can be alone." He takes me by the hand.

"Olethea?" Fatima calls me, "where are you going?" She asks with a frown, looking at Randon suspiciously.

"It's just that I ..."

"Who is your friend?" Roderick asks, interrupting me as he reaches us.

"Yes, who is he?" Mica joins.

"Something to tell?" Steve approaches. "Everything okay?" He asks and looks at me expectantly, confused by Randon's appearance.

I look at them, "he's not who you think, if he's dark-haired and with dark eyes, then... but he's not," I calm them down and shoot a look at Randon who looks at all of them as if they were beings from another planet. He don't understand, they are speaking Italian and they do it very quickly. "He is Randon Black, the boy I talk to you so much about," I look at my friend and this time I switch to Spanish, "bad boy they are my friends, Fatima, Micaela, Steve and Roderick, they are friends from college," they greet each other with a certain discomfort.

"We were thinking of going to have a drink. Will you join us?" Steve asks, looking at us in turn, I look at my friend's seriouse expression and shake my head, I must listen to him so that this feeling that has become more powerful leaves me alone.

"I'm sorry guys, I'm unmarked, I'll see you at home tomorrow, okay?" My friends look at each other and then nod. "I trust you with my drawing, treat it well." Roderick takes it. As I say goodbye to my friends, I look at Randon, "come on, I know where to go." We leave the museum.

Sitting at a table face to face and our drinks in front of us, we look at each other as if centuries have passed, I do not want to lose control of the situation nor do I want to attack him with questions to tell me how the hell he found me, so I control my nerves.

"You're different," he keeps looking at me in detail. "Did you have surgery on your breasts?" He raises an eyebrow and cocks his smile.

"Don't be silly, Randon," I protest to his behavior.

"Have you been doing exercises?" He widens his eyes, "what? You can't blame me for my curiosity, it's been almost 10 months and you're very...very...different, you look as angelic as always, but now you look different."

Biting my lip inside, I look away for a moment, I can't tell him that I have a son, "stop lusting and tell me how you found me."

My friend settles into his post, "easy, your Sugar Daddy gave me the address."

I look at him incredulously, how is that? "Has he sent you here?"I ask annoyed, it's a shit of him if he has done something like this, "Randon answer me," I look at him seriously. "Has Kahin sent you to look for me?" My friend doesn't look away, he stays  impassive, it's incredible that he sent someone else after what he did.

"No, but he lent me his jet and gave me the address," he leans his elbows on the table. How is it possible that he knew all the time where he was? "Marilí, you must return, they need you in Panama."

My heart fails a beat, "is Kahin okay?" Is the first question that comes to mind and I blurted it out like the fool I am, I curse over and over again mentally.

"Yes, he's fine," my friend agrees, "but your mother...she..."

I frown, "she what? Today I spoke with Carla and she told me that mom is fine. Stop fucking! Why did you come? Talk about a damn time," I scream at him, already out of control.

"Quiet Marilí, don't be like that," he speaks firmly to me, "your mother is not well, no one has told you at her request. I know what happened between you two and I know that if you are not with her right now you will not..you will never forgive..." a gasp comes out of my mouth and my heart stops, my body becomes so light that I feel like floating through the air.

"What's wrong with my mother?" I ask in a whisper and fearful of the answer.

"Since you left Panama, she has decayed in a horrible way, your mother is self-destructing, Lourdes and Carla have had to run with her more than twice for trying to kill herself."

Horrified to hear that, I cover my mouth with my hands, that is the damn feeling I have been having, "I was taking care of her," Randon continues, "she says she already raised you up and you can defend yourself. She does not want to live, she says that she hurt the most beautiful thing she had in life and that she will never forgive herself for having killed one innocent creature," my tears run down my cheeks until they fall and get lost in my blouse, "she needs you, you must forgive her and prevent her from doing something crazy," my friend gets up and comes to my side and embraces me. How is it possible that my mother tries to do something like that? Looking at my friend, I sob.

"I don't want to go Randon, not yet, I'm not ready to see her again," my friend nods.

"I know and believe me that I understand you, but it's your mother and only you can help her, the jet leaves tomorrow night," lost and almost desperate, I think of my son, no one knows of his existence, "Marilí," my friend looks down at me  and he forces me to look at him, "yyou must do this, if I came here it was to tell you what no one wanted to tell you at the command of your mother, I came personally to avoid a refusal and then regret it for the rest of my life. I am at the hotel 'beautiful  mare' remember that the jet leaves at 8 pm," he kisses me on the head and gets up, "think about it beautiful, now I have to go, I'm exhausted and I want to let you think, come on I'll take you home."

I refuse, "don't bother. It's daytime and I'm fine, go and rest," my friend looks at me for a few seconds and then does what I ask, sometimes I remember that I was raped, but that goes to the background when the sadness that I do remember in detail  invade.

Left alone looking at the sea and feeling thousands of emotions, I do not know what to do, my mother that brought me into the world, took care of me and gave me her love, but the one who also kept a secret from me and hurt me is doing something stupid out of remorse. Wiping my tears and with my head in a mess, I decide to go home, my son needs me and my breasts are full.

"You are back," smiles Brenda, "the child is asleep."

Sighing, I try to smile and that is practically impossible, "thank you Brenda, you can go," the woman nods and leaves my room. Looking at my baby, I can no longer contain the tears, "what will I do marrone? What is your mother going to do? What's with my life here, with my sun?  I don't want to take you to that place, I can't allow that," a sob shakes me.

"I didn't think you missed me so much." Looking at the bathroom door, I find Francesco, wiping my tears and trying to control myself I get up.

"You have arrived!" I walk towards him to hug him, I need it.

"Yes, and I see that I did it at the right moment," hugging me, he sits me on the bed, "what's going on, Wonder?"

As I can't hide anything from him, I look at him with teary eyes, "Randon, my friend I told you about, is here in Sicily," I sob louder, "he told me that my mom tried to kill herself," the crying deepened and making it difficult for me to speak, "my mother is trying to take her life. He has come for me to come back and help her, but, how can I go back to the place where I was once hurt?  How can I leave my life and my peace here in Italy?" My sun embraces me and consoles me as he only knows how to do it, "I don't want to go and leave you alone, you know I can't do that, we are having the commitment soon, we can't miss it," I look up at him, "I want to be there with you, supporting each other," he delicately runs his finger across my cheeks and wipes my tears.

"Your mother needs you, I've already told you wonder, you must love what you have because they are here today and not tomorrow, you must help your mother to value that life that others want to have," what he says makes me cry more, "I will be fine you know, nothing will happen," he kiss my forehead.

"No ... I don't want to leave you, we promised to do this, we'll go together and then I'll go to my mother, I won't leave tomorrow," I cling to him, I can't fail him, not now.

"Wonder," he takes me off of him and looks into my eyes, "you must do this, I promise I'll be fine, we run the engagement for another day."

I frown, "we can't do that and you know it," I look at him seriously, "Francesco Leone, don't ever say that you postpone the dates."

Smiling at me tenderly, he sighs, "what would I do without you?" With the emissions on the surface, I hug him again.

"Don't think about that anymore, you have me and our baby," I break away to look at his face, "we're going to miss you a lot, I don't want to leave you, I refuse to leave you, come with me."

He laughs, "God my life," he speaks like Steve in Spanish, his accent makes it sound funny, "how you love me," laughing through my tears, I hit him on the shoulder, "but you know I can't, I have a lot of work, I promise we will go together to the next engagement. Are you willing?"

Pouting, I accept, "okay, I'm not going to be in Panama for a month and that's it." I caress his cheek, "you don't know how much I'm going to miss you, the baby will feel strange without you," I look in the direction of the crib.

"I'm going to miss you more, you are my life, the only thing I have," convinced that I must go, I force him to lie down, I will give him those monkeys that he like so much.

How always my soft heart and my love for others make me do what I do not want, or rather what I want to avoid doing. I will return to a place where I have the possibility of seeing that man I loved with my life which still hurts when I remember. I don't want to imagine if I ever find him, but at least I know he's okay and what will happen to me. I never believed that an unexpected visit would make me go back where I didn't want to.