01

1

"Flashback

"3 and a half years ago

I, Aaliyah, Moroccan-Spanish, 15 years old, schoolgirl, young girl from a housing estate, girl with a complex about her looks, at that time, I was fat, ugly, I had braces and glasses, I had the right to many nicknames, all of them as humiliating as the others, people didn't realise that deep inside I was in great pain, I tried to lose weight but soon after I started to eat, eat and eat again because I heard again and again the reflections of people, their looks on me every time I went outside to do the shopping or to go to class. I took refuge in food, which didn't help my case, I was more than 30 kilos overweight, I had pimples all over my face, quite a puberty! I had made a decision, not to leave my house except to go to school, to cut off all contact with the outside world, to stay at home and be at peace once and for all.

During my whole year of third grade a boy made me live the worst misery, this boy is called Aymen, he lives in the same building as me and unfortunately we were in the same class this year. And every day he insulted me, "Ugly Aaliyah", "oh bagra you should do some sport because frankly you look like nothing" "how are you dressed, like a tramp" "a piece of advice, hide yourself, you're scary" and so on. Every night on the bus home, he would come towards me with his friends and I would get a mouthful, I ended up being sick, every night I would go home and my mother didn't know what to do, she knew it was because of my appearance, some women in the neighbourhood would tell her that I was a disgrace to my family, my mother always got into trouble with her because she always defended me, which is a bit normal. We didn't live with my father, my parents divorced 5 years ago, I have 2 older brothers who almost never come to see my mother, they only call her and never check up on me, the only times they come to my house, they don't talk to me, well they do, to insult me, like all the others, As for my father, I only saw him during the holidays and I received a lot of comments about my appearance, that I should lose weight, that I was the only one in the family who was fat, basically everyone around me didn't like me as I was except my mother.

So I decided to stop going to my father's house and to ignore my "brothers".

My school year went very badly, I had good grades but people hated me, I had no friends, I was everyone's scapegoat. So at the end of the year, I made a decision that would change my whole life, and I was going to take my revenge. It was during the summer holidays, we were on holiday, I was in the second year of high school, but I didn't want to stay in my town to hear people calling me names, especially Aymen:

"You'll never find a husband, you're too ugly.

You're too ugly", "lose weight", "you're so ugly".

"You're so ugly".

"Frankly, you'll be the last person I'd want to marry, batata".

And all these reproaches he made to me in front of everyone, the mockery was flying, I didn't cry in front of them, no I'm not a coward, I held myself back and once I arrived at home, I melted in tears to the point of suffocation.

That evening I decided to tell my mother about my decision:

Me: Mum, I have to talk to you.

She: I'm listening, my daughter.

Me: You know I'm not well at the moment because of people, I think I'm going to leave here.

Her: Do you want to go to your father's?

Me : No, he doesn't like me, you can see that, but you see uncle, well I called him and he agreed that I should go to the school in Strasbourg so that I could live with him.

She : Are you going to leave me alone like your brothers do?

Me : No, Mama, it's not that, but I can't stay here any more, and you can see that

Her: Yes, I understand, but you don't think about me. Do as you like, I respect your choice.

Me: But if not, we'll move out of here.

Her: I'm tired of moving, I agree, go to your uncle's house.

Me: But are you sure, don't say that just to please me, I'll stay if you don't want me to leave, it's fine

Her: No, no, it's okay, I don't want you to cry every night because of those idiots, just go!

Me: Okay, thanks.

I kissed her forehead and went to sleep because I was too tired that day.

The next morning I woke up and started packing straight away, I only took the necessary things, I called my uncle to confirm that I was still coming, he said he would come and get me tomorrow. I had spent the afternoon at home because I was afraid of being looked at again, so I spent the day in front of the TV and fell asleep.

I woke up the next day very early to finish packing, I was so happy to leave this city, once I finished I dressed in a simple jogging suit and a jacket, I put my shoes on and I waited for my uncle to call me. Not even an hour later he called me to tell me he was downstairs waiting for me in the car, I hurried downstairs and ran into Aymen alone on the landing.

Aymen: Bagra, where are you going?