Chapter 9 It's Complicated

It is our first night together as a couple. Whether to like it or not, I don't have any choice but get used to it. Besides, I don't want to make things more complicated. I have nothing against Ally, but it won't change my love for Billy.

Speaking of Billy, it seems her, yelling in rage not far away. It's impossible because she doesn't know unless she asks mom. My mom was not aware of my relationship with Billy.

"You whore woman. Where is Hannah? And why you're hiding her?" Billy shouted, full of anger with her voice. Shit is her. What is she doing here? It's a mess. I headed immediately to where the noise was coming from, frowning as I spotted them almost grabbing each other.

" Hey! what's going on here. Fuck shit, stop it," splitting them up to cease the commotion building up in between.

"There you go, Hannah, can you tell your best friend who I am so she can stop shouting at me bitch" looking furious at Billy as she emphasizes her fury.

"Stop it, Ally. Please don't call her that. She doesn't know anything. That's why she's acting odd. Let me apologize on her behalf, please I'm sorry, Ally. Can you leave us alone for a while?" pleading, my eyebrows met as I held her hand, asking for privacy to talk to Billy.

"Yeah, Same to you bitch. Could you leave us alone? We can't talk because of you," as she spread her arm widely, pouting the doorway.

"Billy, please, that's enough. You're too much. When have you been like that? Ally is not doing anything wrong. Grow up, Billy. Isn't just about you always," rebuking her from talking impulsively.

"Let me explain, Billy," my heart pounding with the sudden situation I am facing right now, the first time I've seen Billy reacting that way, uncontrolled and fucking disgrace.

"So what is this, Hannah? Are you married? How long have you known each other? Have you dated before? Because you never mentioned her." Billy asked questions continuously that I didn't know how to answer.

"Hannah, what! Answer me." She shouted with teary eyes, her lips shivering as she spoke.

"Wait! Billy, are you mad?" I snapped, placing my hand into my hip, shaking my head, walking from sideways. I'm trying to assimilate things, using my brain rather than my heart to avoid the worst thing coming out in me.

"What do you expect me to feel, Hannah?" her face was distorted with rage. I was silent and tearful for a while. I was saving my strength, dealing with her.

"So, is it my fault?" I was restless, shivered, then exploded. Tears were streaming on my face as my irritation came in like my heart was being crumpled, trying to take it easy as it could be.

"That's your fault, Billy! Why? Who are you, by the way?" gesturing my arm, profoundly breathing as I tried to be calm. Speechless for a second's Billy could not open her mouth because she was wrong.

"I'm your fucking best friend, Hannah, for god sake! Is that nothing to you?" Her voice trembled as she sobbed.

"Fuck that word, Billy. Bestfriend!? Are you serious? We had sex all the time after we hung out? after a party, after class, before the holidays are over, when you're hurt, when you're drunk. Is that what you call a best friend? I'm just your fucking best friend. Then why are you so angry?" My voice was cracking, clapping my palms in hatred, showing how she had made me her slave. She could not speak, but she burst into tears, dwelling so intently in despair like she realized everything.

"Exactly, Billy, you are my best friend, not my lover. It would be best if you congratulated me than ruining my honeymoon," I feel like it's my chance now to show her my worth after taking me for granted.

"Do you know how painful is that? Maybe you're not numb for at least once feel that I have feelings for you, that I love you, Billy, I love you so much, offering my all despite your flaws, giving my best to take away the pain whenever you are unsettled. Billy, I will never hurt you, but you didn't care or love me the way I did for you," My tear fell, gazing at her, gulping as I finally let my feelings burst out.

"I do. I do love you too, Hannah, but I can't keep you.." she paused, " because I'm not worth it. You don't deserve a bitch like me." her voice sounds defeated, her eyes soaked with tears. I want to hug her and tell her everything will be fine, that I'm here for her, but it's damn too late.

"You think I can't feel it? Of course, I do, Hannah, and the same goes for me, but for what? I can't even count how many boys have passed on me. I love you more than you know, Hannah. Perhaps that's why I can't find someone who can make me happy because it was you. I can't admit to myself that it's you because I want the best for you, and It wasn't me." hopeless that she almost broke down.

"What the fuck Billy. That's right, always have an excuse. If you do love me, you will choose me no matter what. I will accept everything." I couldn't stop myself from crying so hard in so much pain, knowing she loves me too, but it's too late. I'm already married, frustrating that it needs to get up to this point before she can say it. Devastating. What the hell, what kind of joke is that how destiny plays in our lives. It's too unfair that no one will be happy with the three of us.

"I don't love Ally. It's just a fixed marriage between us. It is our parent's agreement." These are the words I want to say and confess to Billy, but for what? Nothing will change anyway.

~~~

I didn't send Billy home. I let her stay in the guest room, knowing how she would feel while I was with Ally. She has no choice. She can't book a flight back to Manila at this time.

Knocking the door, "Billy here," while handing her the blanket. I was about to leave when she suddenly pulled me into her room and hugged me tightly. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. It only means that she wants me to sleep with her. Yeah, I'm aware of what Ally and I agreed about our marriage that we have our own lives, but of course, I know it's not appropriate to sleep with her while Ally, my wife, is here. Just right on the next room.

"I'm sorry, Billy, but I'll sleep with my wife."

I couldn't do anything but go out and go back to Ally and I's room, but before I could do that, she kissed me softly and was full of longing that I just fell for her, kissing her. I couldn't control myself, missing her so much. Suddenly Ally came in.

"Babe, can't we sleep yet? It's late already. Remember this is our first night together as a couple, " Ally utter, standing, waiting for me.

"I'm sorry, Billy," I whispered, letting her know that she had already lost me. "I need to go out Ally is calling me now. Goodnight." turning away as I kissed her cheek passionately like it would be the last.

~~~

I dragged Ally back to our room. "I'm sorry, Ally, but I can't resist her. It was painful for me, seeing her like that. What else I can do to ease her pain. She said nothing, cuddling me, throwing my face into her chest.

"I'm fine, Ally, and you don't need to do that," I said as I disengaged her arms.