Chapter 2 Crash and Burn

  Sleep. It was the only way to relax and distress one's body and mind from the tyranny of stress and depression. It relaxed your soul and freshened you up for the next day. Sleep had never been a problem for me, at all. I was such a deep sleeper, that once I got to bed, I would be asleep in the next five minutes. I slept like a baby, honestly. But for the first time in my life of 17 years, sleeping didn't come easy to me. Something that was indecipherable for me was how sleeping was causing some painful stirring in my head, making me want to stop sleeping.  I opened my eyes, but closed it immediately because of heavy, white lights.

     The light penetrating my vision was blinding and I felt like staring at it for straight one minute could turn me into a blind woman.

   I squinted and peered my eyes, trying to adjust to the light. My pupils would have contracted due to the excessive light invading it's comfort.

   Ahh! The perks of being a nerd! Couldn't even frame a sentence without bringing in the geeky knowledge.

  I tried to cover my eyes with my hand, but my hand didn't budge. I turned my head to see what was stopping by hand and saw those transparent tubes connected to the veins of my fist. I frantically looked around, trying to remember what had happened before happened. That's when it hit me. Running away from the funeral, standing in the middle of the road and those sea green colored orbs looking at me, blacking out.

  I looked away from my hand and saw my dad sitting on the stool near the bed. His face held in his hands and his body was quivering slightly. That's when I realized he was crying. Small uneven amount of breaths were escaping his lips whose sound was muffled by his hands. He hadn't noticed that I was awake and watching him. He was still in the same outfit as the funeral, just his blazer was haphazardly placed on his knees.

I tried to move my hand forward and place it gently on his shoulder. He suddenly shot up as he didn't know it was me. When he shot up off the stool, I took a good look at him. His eyes were bloodshot and his face tear - stained. Bags hovering his hazel black eyes that I and Mark inherited and his lip trembling. I could see in his eyes, he was trying hard not to break down in front of me.

  "Cade!" He exclaimed as he gently took my hand and continued, "Are you okay honey?" He asked, and I didn't have much of energy so I simply nodded.

  He suddenly stood up and said, "I should go and call the doctor." He was just about to leave when I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"What happened?" I asked, my voice breaking up in uneven rasps. My dad quickly hovered over the side table and brought a glass of water to my lips. I drank it greedily.

  His lips pressed in a thin line. He clearly didn't want to answer, I could see that.

"Well, Cade, the doctor told me that you haven't been eating proper food for the past week and as a result, to put up with metabolism, your body lost almost all the glucose and sugar. Why haven't you been eating?" He asked sternly as he placed his hands on his hips and raised his one brow.

   I started laughing nervously, and tried to change the topic but he wouldn't let me. My dad didn't know the fact that I didn't eat anything as he never came out of his room, well even I never used to. But Aunt Becca would always barge into my room, trying to shove food down my throat but I wouldn't budge.

"Well...." I tried to come up with some excuse to avoid his scolding but couldn't come up with any.

  He sighed as he placed his hand on top of mine. I looked at him and saw his eyes holding pain, and so many raw emotions that I couldn't decipher. But the only emotion that I saw: was that regret? Or was it guilt? Some how he managed to show both of these emotions through his eyes.

"Look Cade, not eating food isn't going to solve anything. In fact it will only make you weaker. And you don't want that now, do you? You are my strongest child. Your mum wouldn't have wanted that," he said the last part in a mere whisper that if my hearing senses wouldn't have been powerful, I wouldn't have heard it.

"The same goes for you dad," I said, my voice quiet unlike the timid tone I was used to speaking in. I know he hadn't been eating and taking care of himself. He needed to.

"Wha-" he started saying but I cut him off.

  "Listen to me first. I know you very well to know what you're doing and what you're not. And I can even make it out that you haven't been eating. I can easily see that. Now mom wouldn't have wanted that now, would she?" I asked him just the way he did a few moments ago. My dad didn't necessarily look happy about the reference albeit he knew I was right. He sighed and nodded.

"We both will take care of ourselves honey," he said as he gave me a small sad smile.

"You know I'm very proud of you and so is your mother. I can feel it," my dad said sighing as he turned around to leave. When he reached the door, he turned around and said, "I'll go and send the doctor in for your checkup."

  But I beat him to it. "Dad?"

  He turned around, with raised eyebrows.

  "I love you."

  He smiled.

   "Never stopped loving," he started off, and it was my turn to complete it.

  "Never will," I muttered, feeling emotional suddenly.

  It was a thing of my father and I. We would always do this. If someone said 'I love you' the next person would continue. And it was cute because it was exclusive. It was a thing for my father and I, only. Not even Mark.

  With that said, he turned around and left, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I thought about the person who brought me to the hospital. His black leather jacket, his sea - green orbs that were so deep, that I could dive in and swim but I don't properly remember his face. But I knew one thing for sure, that he was utterly handsome. I could just feel it before my eyes gave out. Before I could think more about the hot biker, the door to my room and in came Hailey, Mark, Aunt Becca, Hailey's twin Nick and Cassidy, followed by a person who was wearing a white coat who I presume was the doctor. I didn't know how the doctor allowed so many people in. There were two reasons possible. 1. He was probably crazy. But that was not possible considering he was a doctor. 2. Maybe my ailment was not that serious that I was not allowed to see so many people at once and everyone was desperate to see me.

  Aunt Becca was the first person to come and wrap her arms around my neck and pull me into a bone crushing hug. She started crying about how she was worried about me and my health and how I shouldn't have ran away from the funeral because everyone was worried sick. She then started scolding me about how irresponsible I'm and what could have happened to me. I almost resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her.

  Next was Hailey and she literally started hitting me badly saying she won't mind kicking my arse, even if I was her best friend. And next was Mark who made me promise him that I won't scare the shit out of him the next time or he would kill me.

After that was Nick, Hailey's twin. I almost forgot to mention Hailey had a twin Nick, who might I  mention absolutely hated me, by the way. I didn't even know why honestly. Hailey was a cheerleader. So the only probable theory was that Nick thought she could do so much better than me.

  "Glad to see you fine," he said nodding his head awkwardly and gave me his thousand watt smile that can light up the whole city. The girls of our school were crazy behind that smile. I mean who wouldn't be? I would mention that he was an eye candy for our school. He was the captain star of our school's rugby team and an official jock. It was just that I absolutely despised him because he was always rude to me.

  I just nodded my head and offered him a sweet smile.

  Cassidy literally jumped on me and hugged me so tightly, I almost forgot to breathe.

  The sound of clearing of throat broke us apart. There stood the doctor with his white coat draped around him and a warm smile etched on his face. He looked in his forty's and a few strands of grey hair graced his light brown hair.

  "How are you feeling Miss Brown?" the doctor said as he started examining my pulse rate and blood pressure.

    "Just a little nauseous I guess," I said the truth.

      "Well, that's because you have lost a great deal of salts from your body. You haven't been eating healthy foodstuffs and we've only found traces of candies and chocolate bars from your system," he said sternly and I gave a sheepish smile.

      What could I say? I mean when I was depressed I tended to eat sweets from my secret stash I had in my room. It contained all types of candies. M&Ms, Jell-O, gummy bears, gummy worms and Snickers and many such chocolate bars. It was a heaven for kids. I hadn't even mentioned this to Mark or Hailey.

   "But you are good to go in a few hours. You can leave today. Just I have to run a few tests and you'll be good to go," he said as he trudged out of the room.

  The moment he was out of the room, Hailey engulfed me in a bear hug and in the process, almost knocked the air of out my lungs.

  The hug was so heart felt, for a moment I almost forgot I had lost my mother now.

  A few hours later, I was ready to leave. My father and Mark were at the reception, signing the forms and paying the bills.

  Aunt Becca, Hailey and Cassidy were with me walking at my slow pace. Nick was nowhere to be found.

"Um.. Hailey? Where's Nick?" I asked her tentatively. Hailey suddenly went pale.

    "Oh shit! He said he was going to the cafeteria to have something to eat and we were about to leave without him. I'll go and get him," she said as she ran off in the direction of the supposed cafeteria. How did they manage to find the cafeteria in a few couple hours was beyond me. Weird siblings. And how did she manage to forget her own twin was beyond imaginable. Aren't twins supposed to have that weird telepathy thing like mind links that always keep them connected?

     They were some weird pair of twins. Twins that lacked weird telepathy skills.

  After that incident, Hailey dragged Nick out of the cafeteria who trudged along with her begrudgingly with his chocolate smoothie in his hand. Hailey, Nick, I and Mark were in Hailey's car while my dad took Aunt Becca and Cassidy to drop them off. Uncle Peter wanted to come too but someone had to be there during the memorial service and he was accompanied by the Bitchy Taylor. People still continued to come and offer flowers on my mother's tombstone. It was overwhelming to say the least.

  In the car, Hailey was in the driver's seat while Mark was seated in the passenger's seat. Nick and I sat at the back seat. There was a layer of comfortable silence in the air, that no one seemed to mind.

  The moment Hailey stopped the car in front of our house, I and Mark climbed out of the car. Nick too got out because he wanted to claim shotgun. We thanked them for the ride and I gave Hailey a quick hug before they left out driveway.

  I turned around and looked at the beige coloured three storeyed house that belonged to us. It was pretty huge to be honest with five bedrooms, four bathrooms, living room, kitchen, dining room and our music room. Music room was my favorite part of our house. It was the room where we would go and relax while listening to music or playing some instruments like guitar, piano, violin etc. It was a soundproof room and therefore if someone wanted to scream till their voice gave out, they could on their bad days. It was very helpful. It was actually my mum's idea to get it. She was a huge music junkie, and therefore that room had some amazing, classic stash that ranged from the thirties upto the twenty first century.

  In front of our house was a large front yard, with many different plants of lilies, orchards, tulips, roses, jasmine and what not. It was beautiful to say the least. Through the middle of the front yard was a pavement or like a footpath in order to go to the house.

I saw that my dad's car wasn't parked in the driveway. Only mom's, Mark's and my white colored beautiful Vespa that I got as my birthday gift last year, when I turned seventeen. I loved it so much. It was my first vehicle, of course I was bound to love it.

  After entering the house, I excused myself from Mark and made my way to my room.

  My room was an en suite master bedroom with a large bathroom. It was mint blue in color and furniture was white in contrast. The curtains were beautiful off white colored with embroidered flowers and intricate patterns. There was a large walk in closet which was not exactly used like one. I used it as my personal library. I had created one there. I kept my clothes in this large white colored wardrobe from IKEA which is gigantic. My mother wasn't exactly sunshine when she learblned about my idea of turning the walk in closet into a walk in library, but she reluctantly complied with it.

I gingerly stripped out of my dress, and changed into some pajama with an oversized T-shirt I borrowed from Mark which is so big, that it reaches my knees. After that, I checked the time on my phone, it said it was almost 10:30 p.m. As if on cue, a car's engine's voice was heard from our driveway which meant my father was already here.

  There was a knock on the door. I reached over and opened the door. Mark stood there on my doorway changed into his pair of comfort clothes.

  "Dad's calling us downstairs," he said as I raised my brow questioningly.

  "Okay," I said as I got out of the room and closed the door behind me.

  We both made our way downstairs silently as we reached the living room where my father was seated on those large plush leather sofa, with a mug of hot steaming tea grasped in his hands as he blew air in order to cool down the tea. The moment he saw us, he gestured us to sit down beside him on the sofa. We did as he asked us to and he sighed.

"Kids, I have a little announcement to make," he said as I mentally cringed, probably bracing myself for the worst to come.

"You see I'm leaving tomorrow," he said slowly as he waited for us to process his words.

Silence.

  No one dared to speak a word. We waited for almost two minutes, when Mark decided to break this awkward silence.

  "Leaving?" I repeated. He nodded.

  "Where are you going, dad?" Mark asked the question that I had been dying to ask.

  "I'm leaving for Japan. For two months. You see I have a deal with one of the multi billion companies there. They have observed my work as a legal adviser and are impressed. So they have offered me a deal. If the business deal fits my requirement and the shoe fits, I'm going to accept it and-"he trailed off as he took in mine and Mark's expression. We both looked livid and Mark was honestly shaking with rage.

"Why? I thought that we can stick together during tough times like these, when we need each other more than anything? Why are you running away Dad?" I asked the question that even Mark wanted to ask. I saw him getting a little relieved as I asked him this question. I scooted a little closer to Mark and held his hand as he seemingly relaxed a little. He seriously needed to have a control over his anger. He needed anger management classes more than anything in this world. I knew what my father was doing was  a horrendous thing to do when times are difficult like this, but he needed to calm down a little. My Dad on the other hand hardly looked fazed by my seemingly accusing tone almost as if he had expected me to react this way.

  "I'm not running away as you put it Cade," he said in calm voice albeit his fists were holding the cup so tightly that his knuckles started to turn white.

"But if you not call this running away then what do you call it? You're such a coward. You leave when your family needs you the most," surprisingly it wasn't me this time but Mark. His voice raised and he was this closing at snapping at our father.

  "I'm not a coward Mark. I'm your father and you will not use that tone on me, young man. I need a closure and we all do. Maybe working a little more might help me to heal the wound of your mother's death," he voiced out, sounding slightly restrained.

  I knew Mark wasn't exactly happy about my father leaving us for two months, but he knew that everyone needed a little space right now. We all did. I gave him a slight nod and smiling, I made my way to Dad and embraced him in a tight bear hug. He almost immediately wrapped his arms around me as he silently let the tears fall from his eyes. I know this was very tough for him as it was for me. For Mark. I gently pulled away from him and leaned against his chest, something I used to do when I was sad and needed my dad.

"It's okay dad. You know we all love you. We all need a little closure right now. You can go. But where will I stay? I know how to cook though, but I don't think it's good for me to stay home alone. Where will I stay now?" I asked thoughtfully.

"Oh well... I arranged something. I talked to Hailey's parents during the funeral. They said they would love to have you around," he said and I wrapped my arms around him again. Thankfully, I won't be staying with Aunt Becca. It was not like I had anything against her or her family except for Bitchy Taylor. She literally hated me, that girl, resented me to be precise.

"Are you forgetting that I'm here?" the voice of Mark's whiny sound broke us apart and we all three engaged in a group hug.

  The vacancy of my mother would always be there. I would miss her, cry for her somedays, begging for her to come back,  but with my family and friends, it would be a little easier for us to move on. Just like Hailey said, maybe I'll get used to her absence some day. And I knew that she would always be with me, in my heart, in my thoughts and my speech.