I lost him

"Can I get you anything to drink?" Damon questions, and Allen is glad that at least he sounds just as nervous as Allen feels.

Allen turns to look at him again and shakes her head. "No, thank you." She declines, then looks around herself in discomfort as a tense silence falls between them. "Is Alex home?" she finally asks, then bites her bottom lip in anticipation.

This time Damon shakes his head. "No, but he should be soon," he says, scratching the back of his neck, looking hesitant before he goes on. "He's on the way home; the school bus is dropping him off here."

"Okay." Allen responds shortly, because there's not much more she can say, and really, there's not much more she wants to say.

"Look, while we wait, I want to talk to you about something." Allen looks back at Damon at the sound of his voice, the words sinking in slowly and causing her insides to burn, already sensing this will lead nowhere good.

"Okay," the omega manages in a small voice.

"Why don't we sit?" Damon gestures towards the couches in the living room behind them, then leads the way to them. When they both are seated, Allen lays her hands on her lap and fidgets with the rings on her fingers nervously, trying to prepare herself for the worst. But she still keeps her back straight and her head held high, adamant about staying strong.

"I know that we have much to discuss, and I was hoping we could set a time to meet properly and talk about it, perhaps somewhere neutral." Damon starts, and the last thing Allen wants is to actually talk about anything; she would much rather live in denial.

"Sure." She ends up saying it once again, biting the inside of her cheek in a failed attempt to give herself a semblance of control and somehow calm her nerves.

"Look, Allen, I..." Allen forces herself to keep eye contact with Damon, no matter how painful it is, and is surprised to discover the same pain mirrored in Damon's eyes, too. It doesn't make her feel remorse for the man who left and hurt her, but it is a contrast to how angry and wild they were last night. "Last night I was so caught up with my own anger and pain, and seeing you again, that I... shit, Allen, I know there's no excuse, but I'm sorry, you didn't deserve all that, I was just... there's so much..."

As Damon's voice trails off, cracking slightly at the end, he bows his head, and Allen watches him with a frown. There are so many things she wants to say, and she has so many questions racing through her mind that it's hard to make sense of any of them.

In the end, what comes out is, "What happened to you?" Damon looks up again and shakes his head slowly, his mouth opening and closing. It doesn't look like he knows what to say, and before he can think of anything, Allen adds, "This isn't you, the man I met last night; if you didn't look like him, I would have never believed you're the same Alpha I was in love with 15 years ago."

"I know." Allen chokes out in a weak voice, "I know, and you have every single right to be angry with me, and there's not much I can say to make up for all the pain I've caused, but I wasn't joking when I said my life wasn't as happy as it seems, and there's so much."

"You know what, Damon? I'm sorry but spare me." Allen finally cuts in, snapping angrily but keeping her voice calm and steady. "I don't want to hear your 'sob story'; I'm not here for you; I'm here for my son; he's the only thing I care about right now."

"Allen, please, just let me explain." Damon pleads, and Allen feels a strange form of satisfaction about how pained he sounds.

'Good' her mind supplies; let him hurt.

Then, as Allen responds, she suddenly feels like she's in Alex's shoes: "I don't want to hear any more of your explanations." She echoes her own son's words: "Besides, there's not much you can say to make up for all the pain you've caused, for how you've treated me, for taking my son away from me."

"I know, and I'm sorry." Damon says in a small voice, "And I never meant to take him away from you, and I told him that he can stay here a couple of nights, but then he has to go back to you."

Allen snorts and shakes her head, a snarky comment on the tip of her tongue, but she never gets the opportunity to voice it, because just then the door flies open, cutting Damon's next words, and two boys come rushing in in excitement, "Daddy!" They both call and rush over to Damon, who smiles broadly at them as he envelops them in his arms.

Allen can't see their faces from where she's sitting; all she can see is their strawberry-blond hair. And even so... They're beautiful, and the whole scene is beautiful.

Then she spots women standing by the door dressed to the nines in a royal blue skirt-suit. Allen has seen pictures of her in the newspaper before, but boy, do they not do her justice. She of course looked great in the pictures, but in real life, even without having said a word, she's a force to be reckoned with.

Maya, his wife, and his boys Damon has a whole family without her, a whole picture-perfect life, which she's not a part of. And the alpha can deny it all he wants, but there's no way he doesn't have a happy life.

From her place on the couch, Allen watches with a mixture of wistfulness, jealousy, and anger. But she fights to keep herself upright and strong.

When Damon is done greeting his boys, he glances at Maya, and they share a polite smile and nod, as if they barely even know each other.

It all flies away quickly, however, when she spots Alex standing just a couple of feet away, his arms folded and his eyes glaring.

Her son has never looked at her like that before this whole fight, and Allen hates every single second of it. Forcing herself to action, Allen quickly gets up and walks over to her son.

"Alex," she says in a hesitant yet relieved voice, glad to see her son.

Dread bubbles in her stomach, though, when Alex takes a quick step back as soon as she gets near him. "What are you doing here?" Her son snaps at her, a hint of his alpha voice seeping into his voice.

"Do not speak to me in that way." Allen hisses, her cheeks burning, "I understand you're angry, but I'm still your mother."

Alex just sighs and runs a hand through his messy hair, then looks around them at their small audience. Maya, who is still standing by the entrance to the living room, and Damon and his boys, who are still by the couches,

Allen follows suit and also looks around them awkwardly, then looks down at her hands, her fingers fidgeting with her rings nervously. She hates how out of place she is, not only in the fancy, museum-like apartment but also in the lives of all the people present.

Fortunately, Damon silently ushers his two boys out of the room, murmuring something about taking them to their playroom, while Maya quickly excuses herself, saying she has a meeting to get to, and leaves the apartment hastily.

"Look, mom, I'm sorry." Allen quickly looks up at Alex's words, and her heart constricts in her chest when she finds the pain evident in her son's eyes: "I hate being like this, and I'm sorry for being so harsh, but I just... I told you, I need time."

Allen nods slowly and bites her bottom lip, then looks around herself again, at the elegant and minimalist decor, at the high ceilings, all the luxurious furniture, and how squeeky clean everything seems to be. Damn, she wouldn't want to come back and live in their rundown apartment, filled with crappy furniture, if she were Alex.

"Mum?" Alex questions, and Allen looks back up at him again, figuring that she must've been silent for quite a while. "Are you okay?"

"Of course, I am." Allen answers a bit too quickly, mustering a smile onto her lips. "I just want you to be happy; I hope you know that."

Alex furrows his brows. "I know," he says slowly.

Allen then turns back to the couch to grab the bag she packed with the items Alex requested, then steps back and walks over to her son and hands him the bag. "Here, this is everything you asked for." Allen tells him with a soft smile, watching Alex intently as he looks between his mom and the bag.

"Thank you," Alex says, his voice barely above a whisper.

"You're welcome." Allen replies awkwardly. As her weight shifts between her legs, she is itching to close the distance between them and embrace her son, but Alex has his invisible shields up, and Allen doesn't want to irritate him any further, so she holds herself back.

A tense, awkward silence fills the space between them, and Allen hates every single second of it. She hates how intense and all-consuming it is.

"I guess I'll see you around." Alex finally breaks the silence: "Bye, Mum." And before Allen even has a chance to comprehend what is going on, her son spins on his heels and starts walking away from her.

"Bye, son." Allen whispers at his retreating back.

Allen remains standing there for another moment, wondering how the hell she got here and what she's supposed to do now. A noise somewhere in the apartment breaks her from her reverie, reminding her of where she is.

And suddenly, she can't get out of there fast enough.

When she gets to the door, she is halted by Damon, who calls her name as he comes walking down the hall towards her. "Allen, can we..." Damon begins when he gets closer, but Allen quickly cuts him off.

"You can't have him; he's mine." Allen snaps, not caring about how childish she sounds, "It's bad enough you let him stay here now, encouraging him to stay away from me."

Damon sighs, "Allen, I'm not." He tries, but Allen doesn't want to hear it.

"You already have your own perfect family." Allen says in a small voice, barely above a whisper, hating how her voice quivers, "He's all I've got."

Then she quickly opens the door and runs off.

Instead of heading straight home, Allen finds herself outside May's apartment, knocking softly on her door. When she opens it, may give her one look before opening her arms for her. "Oh, Allen..." she murmurs as Allen quickly walks into her embrace.

"I lost him." Allen clutches onto the back of her shirt as tears stream down her cheeks and her whole-body shakes. "I lost him."

"No, you didn't." May quickly counters, "That boy adores you; he's just hurt and confused."

"He pushed me away." Allen cries into her shoulder.

"He just needs time." May insists.

Allen snorts, pulling away to look at May. "That's what Alex said, too."

"You see!" May says, but Allen shakes her head.

"God, May, you should have seen where he lives; Alex is never going to want to come back to me, even if he wasn't angry." Allen tells her in a weak voice, " Damon has so much more to offer him."

"Allen, do not speak such bullshit." May quickly snaps, then gestures her further into the apartment, "Come on, let's get you some hot tea and talk about it comfortably."

They both head to the small kitchen, unaware of the pair of big, brown eyes watching them from across the hall.