Chapter 7: Butterfly feeling

The moment Kathy got to her apartment, she locked the apartment door behind her and relaxed on it for a moment.

Relief swept over her and for a moment she caught herself smiling. “Don’t be silly!” she told herself and hit her forehead gently.

She was welcomed by the scent of fresheners; really mild one’s because her mother couldn’t stand anything that had a strong smell or aroma.

“Hey.” Lina looked over and watched Kathy get inside.

“Hi mom.”

“Are you alright, Kathy?” Lina asked. She noticed the brightened look on Kathy’s face.

She didn’t want to sound meddlesome and direct so she chose to ask if she was alright instead.

“uh-uh,” Kathy nodded in approval. She fell on the couch and lazily tossed her bag to the floor.

“I see you had a good day, you look very pretty although tired.”

“Yeah,” she said and a smile formed on her lips. She reached for her hair and twisted it round her fingers.

It was embarrassing to be smiling this hard in front of her mother. “You?” she enquired pointing in the direction of the TV. “The Mary Tyler Moore Show?”

“You bet,” she replied and they both let out a half-hearted laugh. She knew it was her mother’s favorite TV show but didn’t have the slightest idea that she still watched it.

They couldn’t remember the last time they had such moments together. As Kathy grew, it went from frequently to barely and then never.

Kathy soon stood up, “I should freshen up. I had quite a day and I uh— I don't want to fall asleep without having a bath."

“Alright,” Lina replied still smiling.

It felt good that Kathy could say up to ten words to her. It wasn't enough but she was going to cherish this moment.

Barely few minutes after Kathy left, Lina’s chest tightened.

She felt a choking sensation and choked with a deep inhalation. It was a panic attack.

Her hands immediately tried reaching out but there was no help. “Ka...thy.” she called the moment she realized she was having difficulties breathing.

Kathy had gotten to her room and pulled her clothes. She needed a quick shower and needed to catch some sleep.

She was contemplating seeing a movie to keep her awake incase Stone called.

Call her crazy but she was already smiling at the thought of hearing his voice again.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror. It was so cheesy but she was glad Mia gave her that mascara earlier.

It probably enhanced her beauty and she wanted that.

“Ka..thy.”

Not sure she heard right, she paused to listen.

"Ka..thy," the voice called again and this time she knew it was her mom.

She heard her mum's voice and paused; she knew that voice. It was the way she sounded whenever she was in need of help.

She immediately stormed out of the room and ran as fast as she could.

By the time she got to the sitting room, Lina was struggling with her hands waving up."

“Oh my God, oh my God,” Kathy panicked the moment she got to the sitting room and saw her mum on the couch.

"Shit. Mom?"

She quickly held her and slapped a hand on her chest to soothe erratic heartbeats. "Just one minute, I got you. Relax mom."

“Where’s your inhaler mom?”

“Mom where’s your fucking inhaler?”

Kathy asked searching the couch, fear clearly on her face.

Angelina pointed in the direction of the dinning and Kathy hurriedly ran there and turned her purse upside down searching for the inhaler.

“Fuck, where’s the damn ventolin?” Kathy muttered asking nobody in particular.

She found the inhaler and some tablets of ventolin and quickly ran back to her mom who was sweating.

Her black hair adhered to her neck and sweat coated her skin.

“Relax mum, I got you,” Kathy said helping her with the inhaler.

She blew out an unsteady breath in an attempt to contain her panic. Her hands tightened around Kathy’s and Kathy let her relax on her chest for a minute.

She barely stayed around her mother and so she hadn’t been around her much during her panic attacks.

She only came home most nights to see her inhaler on the table or some tablets.

When she was younger, her mom frequently had panic attacks and she had to be there. She got to know all the prescriptions, triggers, dosages.

Kathy stayed in front of her laptop most nights asking siri what she could do to make her mum feel better.

At some point her fears turned to hatred for her dad. She wondered why he left them knowing her mum was so much to deal with; possibly not the best words to use but you get the point.

As time went on, the hatred faded and she just started feeling numb.

Kathy could count on one hand how many times she has felt real emotions.

The first was when she was thirteen and found her mum unconscious.

Second was when she fell in love with Mason.

It was easily the best moments of her life. Other emotions like revenge, misery and whatever revolved around Mason.

He was a fucking poison and antidote and she hated how he could be both.

It was almost twenty minutes after administering the inhaler and ventolin. Just as she calculated, the drugs had taken effect and Lina was already feeling better.

“Are you okay mom?”

“Yeah,” Lina replied with a quick faint smile. "Thank you."

"You'll be fine," she whispered and Lina shut her eyes.

Lina sensed that this moment was about to be over so she sighed. "Don't go Kathy."

She couldn't tell when next she'd have her daughter this close to her or have Kathy holding her gently.

It wasn't even something she had expected but she was glad Kathy was there when the whole panic attack started.

"Mom," Kathy said. "I need to catch some sleep."

Lina swallowed the lump in her throat and gave a nod. "Okay."