9 So What's up?

Chapter 9

"She doesn't like me," Emile confessed sadly. "I keep her chained up and she doesn't like me."

"Why do you chain her?" Jack sounded almost as sad and slightly worried. If he had known Emile was in so much agony, knew so little about herself, he would have defied orders long ago.

"She's a monster," surprised he didn't already know.

"Emile, darling, your wolf isn't a monster. She's you, your atavistic instinct and primal self. She won't hate you. She is you. Just go talk to her."

Emile closed her eyes and took a deep breath, leaning into Jack, her head resting against his chest.

It didn't take long for her to find the wolf inside. She stood within her own mind, staring at the wolf she could become.

The wolf was of an average size, but powerful. She was almost completely white, with a yellowish tint along her legs. She sat, rather relaxed, tail thumping on the ground.

"Jack says we need to talk. That you can explain things to me," Emile said to her wolf.

The animal only chuffed in reply. Steeling her nerves once again, she walked over to the wolf and unchained her. "He didn't seem happy you were chained. I didn't know it was the wrong thing." It was part apology, part excuse.

"As if I couldn't slip free when I want, as you well know," the wolf replied, speaking directly into her head. Emile tried to ignore the odd sensation that she was talking to herself inside her head, and she was only sort of the one answering.

"Why didn't you tell me I was mucking things up?" The human self asked.

"You already knew. Besides, you needed something to control," the wolf replied.

"Why is Jack so afraid of me dying?"

The wolf snorted, "you aren't ready to know that. When you're ready, you'll know. There are things you need to learn about yourself, first. Now go back to the man Jack and tell him that no one way is right and he should trust you. You should trust you."

Emile opened her eyes and looked at Jack. For the first time, she really looked at him and saw beyond the handsome exterior.

She looked deep into his soul, tried to divine the reasons behind his words and actions. What she saw scared her with its depth and wealth of emotion.

Maybe her wolf was right, she wasn't ready yet. Still, she felt compelled to do something. Reaching up, she trailed her fingers along the side of his face.

"My wolf says you need to trust her. Me. Us." she wrinkled her forehead in confusion. "And that there's no one way that's right."

Jack closed his eyes and smiled, leaning into her touch. They stayed like that a long time, content to just be.

Today had been emotionally draining, and she knew it was far from over. Trust.

She knew she was finally going to trust Carly with her past, so the other woman would understand her reactions. For now, though, she could figure how to trust Jack, and take comfort in his presence.

She drifted off to sleep, with the feeling of his strong arms wrapped securely around her, the sound of his heartbeat steady and soothing, and his scent a healing balm against the rawness of her soul.

**

"Don't worry, Ms. Whelehan, it'll be fine. You know I can handle it," the young woman said, standing in the kitchen and smiling prettily as she bounced Caleb on one hip.

"I know that Maddie," Carly said, matching Maddie's smile with one of her own. "I guess I'm just nervous. I've not spent any time away from the boys since I became their guardian. I worry."

Maddie laughed, and freed a long strand of blue hair from Caleb's grasp. "You have given me six different people to call, and you're only going to be next door. Everything will be fine." If it was odd that the younger woman was reassuring the older one, no one mentioned it.

"You're right, I know." She dropped a kiss on the top of Caleb's head and went to find Jason.

"Listen to Miss Maddie while I'm away. If you need me, she knows how to get ahold of me. When you wake up, I'll be here. We'll watch cartoons and have breakfast in bed," she said with a gentle smile.

Jason nodded solemnly at her assurances. He still wasn't talking, and Carly worried. It seemed to be all that she could do these days.

Leaving behind everything but her phone and a six pack of her favorite brew, Carly walked next door and into her friend's house.

It had been years since they had bothered with any sort of formality, coming and going between the two houses with little thought and less effort. She strolled through the house to the kitchen, calling out to Emile to let the other woman know she had arrived.

Grabbing a plate, she dug through the fridge, pulling out cheese and vegetables. She found the crackers and beef sticks in the cupboard, where she knew they would be. After cracking the top of the first beer, she stowed the remaining bottles in the fridge.

"It's hard to have girlie time if I'm all alone," Carly called out again. She could hear Emile moving around upstairs, so she turned on the television and settled into the couch to wait, munching on her snacks and drinking her beer.

"Sorry," Emile said as she descended the stairs.

She passed into the kitchen, foregoing a snack but pouring a liberal amount of whisky into a pint glass of cider.

Carly turned down the volume on the television as Emile flopped onto the couch. She sat with her back against the armrest, knees tucked up close to her body, intently watching her friend.

"I'm a hot mess," Emile admitted, borrowing one of Carly's pet phrases. "And I feel terrible dumping my problems on you. I just... well, you're my only friend. Sad, huh?"

Carly looked at her friend thoughtfully, turning to mirror her body position. "You're my only friend, too, you know. And 'hot mess' could probably accurately describe my life at the moment. So what's up? I've been back for a week, and you're acting like I have the plague." She didn't mean to sound so accusatory, but the abandonment had stung fiercely.