chapter 6

Can no longer sit comfortably in a chair. My butt really hurts. Sitting for too long causes pain. I watch porn where a woman rides a man and rides his dick. My eyes are on him. his member. I stopped thinking about what this man's semen tastes like. no. really farInstead, I kneel on the floor. Like last night. Thighs spread. I can feel the carpet on my balls. I play with them briefly but then go to my hands and knees with my head down and my eyes closed. As you move, your hips expand and you feel the air in your anus. good? I imagine a wolf again. She wants it, I tell myself. She wants to see what it will be like.

She does.

I can still taste the cum in my mouth.

No.

I stand up. My legs are shaky and my ass hurts but I ignore it. A quick scratch to my bare chest and I go wash my hands. No. This will pass. It`ll go away. I'm done with it. Never again. Never fucking again.

I don't brush my teeth that night. I tell myself it's because I'm tired but that's not why. Not at all. I just don't want to lose the taste of cum in my mouth yet.

my alarm wakes me up I usually don't sleep well, but this time I slept well. No memorable dreams at all. Just a pure deep sleep. It feels very good and comfortable. Until I sit down. There is a dull pain in the lower abdomen. It's not terrible, but it's incredibly uncomfortable and looks like a kicking mark. I cringe painfully and gently rub under my cheek. I masturbated too much yesterday, so it must have been hard all day. I ignore it and take a shower. In fact, I ignore a lot of what happened yesterday. I remember last night, but it's easier to throw away. What about the others? I just put it in this little mental box and bury it.

I feel bad, but the shower is great. I get up almost to the end and just stand and spin back and forth so that the hot water wets my body. It's luxurious. Usually showers are short, but the hot water works on your muscles to relax. weaken them. I didn't notice how stiff I was with everything. Ummm... my skin is especially sensitive right now, in a good way. It's also due to this crazy, almost unbearable tickling sensitivity. I will definitely change the detergent.

When the water is a bit cold, pick up soap and wash your hands. Wow. I am sensitive And my skin is really smooth. It's incredibly soft. I don't seem to understand what it means to lose body hair because my hand slipped across my chest. Oh shit! Now my nipples feel really good. maybe? Looking down, no, it's just my nipples. There is a small corolla that is small and only a quarter of the size. They stand, of course, but I play with them. A much more noticeable push on my cheeks. Hmm. It also makes the pain less... painful. I lean my back against the wall of the shower, avoiding the water, and rub both nipples. damn yes I tremble at the feeling, but I don't even think about touching my cock because my nipples feel so...different. I have an answer from last night, but unlike yesterday's confusing image, I'll gladly accept it.

You don't notice your right hand dropping to your thigh. My left middle and index fingers rub and pinch my little left nipple and my right hand sits in the crease between my thigh and testicles. I close my eyes and can't imagine anything. I get lost in the sensation of living nerves going straight from the nipple to the cock. Place the fingers and palms of your right hand on the inside of your testicles and thighs and rub them up and down, back and forth, as if massaging. It would have been strange if you noticed. But I don't notice it, and it's not on purpose. Damn all I know! I tuck my ass in and fall, thanks for the little padding.

Shake. I'm shhh... trembling... my god, it's hard to breathe. Pump My Dick, Cum On The Wall. Pale chunks of semen collide here and there and are carried into the water. I can't seem to control my body. My ass keeps twitching and my legs are like a pair of snakes fighting in a sack. I'll never admit it, but it's a little sad that the little part of me that feels consistency and shivering during orgasm is that the semen has gone where I can't get it.

The body is calmed by a strange shock. I put my hands on my chest and belly and exhale heavily. I've never been over without using my penis in my life. always. My dick is weak on my cheeks and the pain has returned to the depths of me. I get angry and curse myself for making things worse, but the job is done and the shower is cold. I ignore the image of a kneeling she-wolf and kneel down, no, I can't stand it. I can get a bottle of shampoo where I am, so I wash my hair quickly and turn off the cold water.

So I'm sitting. kneel down Hands on hips and closed eyes. Breath. Shake your toes. When I'm sure I can stand, I lean against a wall for support. I'm still sensitive and fiddling, but my nipples hurt so be careful when drying.

I am in a hurry because I have little time to brush my teeth on the way to work and buy a protein bar to eat. The tags on new clothes can be removed very easily and you can feel the coolness and softness of the silk on your chest. It doesn't irritate the skin like other shirts and doesn't mind sore nipples. The pants are a bit tight on the seat and sides, but I'm sure the more you wear them the easier it will be to wear them. I quickly look in the mirror to make sure I haven't missed any tags, then turn to the back to see the back... Hmm. My hips look great with these pants. When I look back, I can feel the pain that I had never had before. I think their taut presses the skin and gives the impression that I really have buttocks. Like a bra that makes women look more split than they really are. I turn around a bit to see both sides, but another alarm rings and I go outside.

It's a gray day, but I feel strangely awake. I don't know why, but I'm humming a half-forgotten song while driving while I'm at the steering wheel, singing the wrong lyrics out of place. I even laugh at people casually during traffic jams. Why shouldn't I be happy? Last night I turned into a damn werewolf! Why didn't I think about it and wonder? Damn werewolf! Of course, I can't remember, but it was. And, okay, she's still a woman, but she's still a werewolf. I suddenly want to laugh out loud. who would believe This will be remembered until the day I die. Even the dull pain under the ball isn't enough to ruin a good mood. Everything looks much brighter. This is madness.

I walk to my desk and hum to myself, shouting good morning to everyone. Tea, protein bar, email. made. I melt into it with time. Things are starting to look more mundane. I check my emails for credit reports, new customer forms and everything from my boss. Time flies when you start with so many things to sort out.

"You probably want to get that checked, man." The voice startles me badly. I get sucked into work easily. The easy monotony of paperwork and the combination of living alone and not having a TV means I'm not surrounded by people and noise constantly. Add in what happened the past two nights and me being on edge in general and I find I'm way jumpier than usual.

"Get what... Ah." I scratched my chest again. I didn't even notice I was doing it. Scratched slowly, for a long time. Yes, I just didn't pay attention. What's going on, Ed? I ask.

"Did you see my email about Aquatica? The system needs to open it. Your $20,000 order is on hold." Ed seems to be on drugs. Thin, convulsive, back-and-forth eyes and strange energy. I am still waiting for him to borrow money from me for some bogus reason when I go to buy cocaine or methamphetamine or anything else that addicts use. I know shockingly little about drugs, and I know a lot about them. So God invented vodka.

"Yes, it was. And I know what they did the last two times. We had to fight them to pay us back." i tell him That's true too. They are a terrible company.

"Hey buddy. I know their salesperson and she swears to pay on time." He looks like he's going to urinate soon. There are rumors at the company that Ed has money problems (boat, car, house, etc.) (I overhear the conversation indirectly). And probably a heroin habit. Or cocaine. Whatever.

I shrug. "Ed, I can't do it. It is "

". Rebecca said she would pay! I spoke to her directly. Yes they have had problems before, but some new boats need our engines. they will pay She said. They were guaranteed a job.” His cheeks glow. he's not normal I feel my heart beating faster The pleasant feeling of the past evaporates.

"My boss has the file. Ed. If so, tell him."

"Damn. Are you serious? can i talk to him? I'll send you an email."

"Ed, I explained everything to him, but"

"Oh my God. Same thing every time. why do i ask I'll talk to your damn boss." He left angrily, and I could feel my heart pounding. dull. dull. It's not my fault! I feel the tears running down my eyes and I rub them to keep them from flowing. Your face gets hot when you touch it. I turn around in the other booth and look down at my palms. Why am I crying? Things are good. I was happy. I... tears are dripping down my arms. I can almost feel choked and threaten with a real bout of cries. I take a quick, shallow breath, and another tear rolls down my red cheek. What's wrong with me? Ed is a motherfucker, but that didn't matter. I'm just... I squeeze my eyes shut and feel the tears leak out. I can't catch my breath properly. I haven't cried since my dog died when I was a kid. Not a full blown cry like this.

It takes five minutes before my breathing is back to normal. My face is still burning and my eyes are stiff, but I don't think I'm about to cry because I'm somehow confused! arch! I think it starts again with Ed and his thoughts on his problems. no no. Deeper breathing. slow. How stupid are you? I know it's not my fault. It shouldn't upset me in any way. I want to go home. No one wants to look at me. I just want to be at home under the duvet. in the dark. Damn it. My throat hurt because I thought I should cry, but I put up with it again.

My computer clock is a little past 11 and it's close to lunchtime. I clear my throat several times until I'm sure it's okay. I sniffed my nose once, mentally yelled at myself, and then blow my nose. I think I'm still crying. I hate this. I hate this feeling. i need a vacation I knew there were tipping points due to the stress of dealing with shit at work, but this is too much. I am staring blankly at the food in front of me who is trying to force me to work. Trying to work makes sense.