Chapter 5: You Owe it To Yourself

The guests started arriving. I had no interest in these parties my parents insist on hosting. I know the reason for these parties is to see if I can get involved with any of the male wolves that attend. I have asked them to stop this but they won't bulge. I know it is just a waste of time but since they are persistent, why not allow them have their way? I ask myself. Though I don't like the parties because it reminded me of one that took place some three years ago, they are still a diversion and I have decided to have fun in any way I can, provided it doesn't involve being with any man.

'Do you still have feelings for Adrian?' Sandy, my childhood friend asked me recently.

I was shocked at the question. Why would Sandy ask such a question.

'What?' I exclaimed. 'Hiw can you even imagine that?' I asked, looking at her in fury. It was incredible that anyone should think that I'd still have feelings for that jerk.

'Nature abhors vacuums', she stated in a matter - of - fact manner. 'It's been over two years now since you separated from him. You are still young and should give yourself anither chance at happiness. You deserve it!'

'How do I deserve it when I couldn't even be a good mother?' I asked, trying not to feel pain. 'Incould not protect my own unborn pups. I deserve all that I got. And what happiness is there when I am now unable to have pups of my own? How can I be a burden to done male wolf who may want to have pups of their own?'

'How are you sure you won't be able to have pups?' Sandy asked.

'The doctor said...'

'Doctors have been known to make mistakes. You have gone through alot. Surely, the Moon Goddess will bless you with another mate to and hence another chance at happiness by blessing you with pups!'

'How can you be sure of that?' I asked, wanting to believe her, not about another mate but about having pups of my own. There were numerous ways I could get pregnant if I was sure I wasn't barren. I didn't want to feel the pain of disappointment and failure after all I'd been through, that's why I hadn't thought to try.

'Hiw can you be sure you won't get pregnant and make some pups a great mother, if you don't try?' she asked.

'But...'

'No buts, Iris. No buts!' she said raising her hands for silence. 'You owe it to yourself to try. Open your heart once more to love and see what happens', she suggested gently.

I didn't want the argument to leave nger, so I nodded. 'Humph! I'll try'. I said smiling. Maybe I'll just go to the clinic and ask for any available semen. Provided it has been tested and screened and found to be infection or disease free, I shall ask for it to be injected into me! I thought. I didn't tell Sandy this, though. She wouldn't understand. I wouldn't feel comfortable being intimate with any man after what has just happened.

This gave me pause and I recalled what Sandy had asked. 'Do you still have feelings for Adrian?' Do I? I asked myself. I had not really thought about it objectively. I had been filled with the pain of Adrian's betrayal but most of all the indescribable pain of the loss of my pups that I hadn't thought above all these hurt.

Now I think about it and I find that I don't love Adrian anymore. It seems I stopped loving him for a long time even before he and his mistress caused the death of my pups but I must have just stayed on because of my pups.

'Iris?' Sandy called. She must have asked a question and realized I was lost in thought because I didn't answer. 'Are you okay?'

'Yes!' I answered happily. 'I have heard you and shall give it a try'.

'Great!' she said smiling very happily. 'And the opportunity for that is here!'

'What do you mean?' I asked, thinking in dismay, Oh,not another batch of eligible bachelors to matchmake me with.

'Your parents are organizing a party to mark their Twenty second year marriage anniversary and alot of handsome and single Alphas and prominent werewolves will be in attendance. This is a chance to prove to your parents that you are over Adrian and put their hearts at rest. They worry alot about you,you know!'

My parents had informed me about it but it had skipped my memory. And anyway, since I had decided to give it a try, I was just going to go with the flow and act friendly with some of the young men who will be present. No one in particular. Just so as to get my parents to stop bothering themselves with my private life.

Now as I sit, watching the guest arrive and being welcomed by my parents as they come to congratulate them, I smile. I had better start getting prepared to put on the best act of my life.

I looked around and found there was no one who caught my fancy. There were some young men there, and though, they were looking my way, none of them was making any move to come close to me. I couldn't blame them though, I thought, as I held back the laughter that was bubbling inside of me. I had never given them any encouragement in the past and the news of my persistent rejection of potential spouse must have spread like wild fire. At first alot felt they could break down my defenses but as the months turn into years, they started to give up.

I was contemplating approaching one of them, be ause of the promise I had made to Sandy and myself. I smiled his way, hoping it was friendly enough but he hesitated, undecided whether to risk being turned down but another got up and started towards me and I smiled, thinking, now the acting begins. I looked towards my parents and saw them looking at me anxiously. I smiled reassuringly at them as the man got to my side.

'May I have this dance?'