8

Eiling

THE WORD 'fun' has many definitions. I was sure having to sit through five hours of back to back learning was not one of them. I didn't hate learning, oh no, I loved calculus. A lot. But there comes a time in every teenage girls life when she will feel tired–exhausted–and develop the sudden urge to haul herself out the window because the english teacher wouldn't shut up about dialogue tags.

And I still had economics after this.

First, I groaned mentally, then I froze, realization hitting me square in the face. My hand gripped the pencil in my hand tightly as my mind reeled. Kayden is in that class. He knew me–we kinda lived together now. There was no way he wasn't going to notice me, and he was certainly going to make others notice me by doing that.

Suddenly, I didn't want English period to come to an end. But alas, life hated me with everything she had.

The bell went off.

I buried my face in my hands while other students scrambled to get their stuff and exit the class. Eventually, I sucked it up and headed to economics. The second I opened the door to a crack and peered in, I spotted Kayden. He was early, wierdly. His eyes roamed the class for a couple of seconds, searching for something. And then, in a slow motion that I may or may not have imagined, his gaze fell on the door. The same one I was behind. We locked gazes. Kayden grinned in satisfaction while I concluded that I was the one he'd been searching for. Great.

"Excuse me." I was momentarily startled by the unfamiliar voice; I jumped in my skin. When I twisted my neck to see the person who was speaking, she didn't look to pleased. Her lips turned down in a scowl. "You're blocking entrance."

"Sorry," I mumbled, opening the door fully and walking in, doing my best to ignore the stares some students were giving me. I bit my lip as I passed Kayden's table, eyes squeezed shut in prayer. Please don't call to me.

He called to me.

"Come sit with me, E." Evaporation occurs at all temperatures. If only I could increase the rate at which the procedure occured. "Come on E."

One look around the class later, I discovered that I had the attention of the entire population on me–including the teacher who'd just walked in. Kayden's eyes were wide with expectation, the others' eyes were wide with surprise and anticipation. In the peak of the silence, i heard an anonymous person ask:

"Who's she?"

That was it. I was finally out in the open. The last of my negligibility was shredded.

With a heavy sigh, I went to sit with Kayden who now nursed the brightest smile ever. The rest of the class stared at us with dropped jaws while I stuggled to keep my head down. Lucky enough for me, my hoodie cap still covered my eyes so my identity wasn't out in the open yet–

Kayden pulled it down, the hoodie cap. The whole class gasped. Life hates me.

"Is she new?"

"Omigosh, I think I know her!"

"Do you think she knows the Prime Empire?"

"How can I contact her?"

"What's her name?"

"Settle down everyone."

The last statement was made by the teacher. He sported a frown as he stood in front of the class, placing his suitcase onto the desk and staring questioningly at me. Like he was wondering who the hell I was.

I shrunk further into my seat as the most of the students went back to minding their business. Others who didn't mind staring longer at me did just that. Economics was unbearable. The entire forty five minutes of it was spent with Kayden asking if there was something wrong and me struggling to hold myself back from either losing it or running out of class. My palms grew sweaty and my heart raced, the situation I was in making me unable to focus on the lesson. I was on edge.

So when the class came to an end and Kayden asked if he could buy me lunch, I lost it.

"Why are you doing this?" My tone was low, yet sharp to a metaphorically tapered point. I watched his brows crease in confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

The corners of my lips turned down and i stood up, the eyes of the entire class on me. I could care less right now, after all, I was exposed.

"Why are you trying to give me aid that I didn't ask for?!" Not to sound like an ungrateful bitch–because I was grateful he literally saved me from sleeping on the streets–but this was just too much.

All my life I was used to having things planned, it annoyed me whenever things were spiralling out of control, like they usually did. Two days ago, I was sure I had everything under control but everything just had to slip when Kayden came waltzing into my life in all his beautiful-ness. For a second, my mind replayed that night, but not from my point of view, from Kayden's. I imagined how I just have looked sitting on that bench and crying helplessly, homeless, pathetic.

That was the word. The reason why he was doing all this. He saw me as some sort of hopeless girl in need who needed his help. He saw me as vulnerable. He'd seen me weak!

Staring into his eyes, I got my answer. Pity swirled boldly in them: pity for me. I scowled harder and took a step towards him, index finger outstretched towards him. For the briefest of seconds, panic settled on his features.

"You're doing this because of pity right?" It wasn't a question, it was an accusation. All I needed was a confirmation from him. And he gave it to me when his brows pulled together, more pity settling in. "You think I'm going to break? What are you going to get out of helping me out of pity? Why are you trying to get closer to me? I don't want your help!" I spat, the corners of my eyes were tingling, tears brimming underneath. "Why don't you give up?"

All these accusations felt like lies falling from my lips, but I couldn't help it. Kayden was a nice person, yet I couldn't get over the fact that he was only doing all this out of pity. Once that pity was gone, he'd toss me to the side. Thinking about that made my heart constrict in pain.

I am not going to cry.

"I don't know what gave you that idea E—"

I cut him off, hand put out in front of me. "Don't call me that." I can't take it.

"What I feel for you isn't pity." My eyes snapped to his immediately he uttered that. He cleared his throat and went on to explain. "You're too strong for me to pity. I don't know what it is that makes me want to help, but I know I do. And I'm sorry if I'm overstepping my boundaries but I'm not sorry I tried to help."

I chewed the inside of my cheek, all the emotions raging inside of me as I looked at Kayden. I didn't fully believe he was doing this just to help me, it's not like he knew me before now.

"I know that this is strange for you, for someone you barely know to suddenly get up in your space. So I'm gonna step away now." As he said the last sentence, he took a step back, and another till he was a good meter away from me. He shot me a final sad smile while I stood there, dumbfounded, hands balled into fists at my sides. "Again, I'm sorry."

He spun around, and started walking away.

The class watched him for some moments before they turned to me sharply. I would have huffed at the dramatics but my mind was elsewhere.

This was what I wanted. If Kayden left right now then he was going to take his sudden popularity with him and I would be automatically shoved into the unpopular group. Which wouldn't be so bad, I would figure it out eventually. After all, people loved and breathed in that category. And I would get a job soon so I'd move out of his house. There, end of story.

Yet, something felt wrong. It felt wrong to just decline his help like that. I had to admit, his company wasn't that bad, and he obviously had good intentions. He just wanted to help me. That was all.

In the end, two options were splayed out in front of me. I could either walk away from Kayden and go back to my old life which I sucked at holding on to, or walk to Kayden and accept a new life with challenges which were foreign.

I went with the first option.

At least that was what I thought.

I was however surprised when I found myself running out of class and smack into Kayden's back. He stopped walking, I stumbled back, a hand to my forehead.

"E?" He turned around with an arched brow.

I ignored my hurting head and my raging subconscious, swallowing.

"I'm sorry," I croaked. "I shouldn't have said that. I was just stressed with all the attention and I wasn't thinking or speaking rationally. I should be grateful for your help instead of trying to push you away."

His lips drew into a line as he looked at me. My heart started racing when he stepped towards me, it didn't stop when he took my hand in his and smiled.

"It's fine."

• • •

For the first time in a while, I had healthy food on my tray. And that included real meatballs! Of course, I didn't let Kayden pay for it alone. I did, however, spend more than I usually spent on food, but for the first time I wasn't fretting about funds.

"You keep staring at your tray." Kayden nudged my side as he said the words, a tinge of amusement in his tone.

I smiled. "I haven't exactly had this kind of lunch in a while," I admitted. Kayden's face grew serious.

"What kind of lunch do you normally have?"

Soggy fries and plastic meatballs.

"The usual," I shrugged instead.

"This is the usual."

"Not for me."

He didn't reply, his face had turned and he was now searching the cafeteria. As we passed a table, I heard the girls giggle and whisper amongst themselves. I stiffened, reminding myself that if I was going to be friends with Kayden then I would better get used to the stares. Easier said than done.

"How do you cope with the constant staring from everyone?" I asked Kayden.

He shrugged. "They kinds grow on you so it becomes normal." He stopped abruptly, leaning down to whisper in my ear. "Let's go sit with my friends."

Chills hurried down my spine as their group name flashed past my mind. The Prime Empire. He wanted me to sit at their table! I didn't want to. Sitting there would automatically aquant me to them.

You're friends with Kayden, you're already linked to them Eiling.

Subconscious me was right. This was bound to happen sooner or later. But I was hoping we would skip it. I lifted my eyes to the table they were seated at, laughing and eating without a care in the world. They looked harmless.

"Come on," Kayden urged, hazel eyes bright. "They're really fun to hang with."

Sure they were. That was a known fact and the reason I didn't want to sit there. They could drag me into one of their games and make me find breaking hearts 'fun'. And besides, I would never fit in. It was preposterous.

One look into Kayden's eyes later however, seeing the hope in them, I was eating my own words.

"Okay."

• • •