Chapter 4

At home I emptied out my sports bag, packed my swimsuit and towels, and then went to catch the bus that would take me to the pool. The bus ride was too long, winding me up tight with impatience. The strangle hold of longing didn’t slack until I was sprinting from the bus to the pool. It released me the moment I finished changing in the locker room.

On the tiled floor of the showers I found something that twisted my heart. A bouquet of roses, so red the drops of dew gave the impression of fresh blood. Careful around the thorns, I picked them up and buried my face in their petals. The scent was heady and fresh all at once, with a stinging, overpowering sweetness. I’d always loved the lighter scents of the flowers my father bought my mother, pretty little things with a delicacy that outdid anything so showy. But this was different, this was for me, the first taste of Nick’s romantic edge. It made the desire to be near him feel right.

Roses in hand I passed by the overlaid walls. The roses had been a surprise. I was floored by what I saw now.

The pool was surrounded by what looked liked hundreds of little candles. With the lights off, lit by nothing but dozens of little flames, the room had a dreamlike quality. The water glowed like a crystal pond, a shallow mist of smoke drifting over it.

Focused on the candles, trying to fathom Nick taking the time to set it all up, I didn’t hear his approach. His hand slid down my arm and he laced his fingers with mine.

“You like?”

I freed my hand and turned, giving myself plenty of space to express my gratitude, without falling in the pool. “It’s beautiful. The flowers, the candles. What’s the occasion?”

“Honestly?” He took my hand back and led me by his side to the edge of the pool. We both sat and he took the flowers, setting them aside. “I was hoping a grand gesture would make it harder for you to turn me down when I asked you to the Winter Formal.”

“Why would I turn you down?” My gaze followed Nick as he slid into the pool and I let him lift me down into the water, just waiting for an answer.

“Your interest in me seems to be……cooling.”

I shivered. As though his words had caused it the water around me became cold. Or maybe it had already been cold. Maybe I just hadn’t noticed.

“There’s just been a lot going on.” My teeth clicked together. I wanted to move so my body would adapt.

“I’ve missed you. I was thinking about you all day.”

“Nick...” My quivering lips, probably blue now, stilled under the press of his fingers.

“Callie, just say you’ll come.”

I smiled at him. “I’ll come.” Letting myself float back, I pushed down until the water covered me to my shoulders. “I would have said yes without all this, but I’m glad you did it. I’m gonna see the public pool in a whole new ’light’ now.”

Nick rolled his eyes and did a few lazy kicks so he was a little closer to me. “Ha, ha. You may find it funny, but I happen to know you would have said no.”

“I wouldn’t have.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’m sorry I’ve been distant. I was confused.” I rested my forehead against the curve of his throat. “I’m not anymore.”

“That’s good to know.” He hugged me to him and bent down to kiss my lips. Then left me breathless and whispered in my ear. “What brought on the change?”

“I want to forget.” I couldn’t say what, but I knew it was true. “You help me forget.”

* * *

Tucked deep beneath a heavy comforter, embraced in warmth, blissful and numb, I whispered goodnight to my mother before she kissed my brow and bide me to sleep tight. Everything was gone, all the chaos of emotions, all the fear. I drifted away into pleasant dreams, dreams in which Nick was all I had, all I needed. Pleasant and obscure until a shape formed behind my closed lids, blocking the superficial beauty and love. A hand and a simple, glossed piece of wood.

Seeing the image brought a slight ache. Concentration to reach past the haze turned painful. Lucidness was excruciating.

I was starting to see, and once I started, I refused to stop.

The first memory I followed came to a dead end. I hit the wall running. The collision reflected into the physical, pounding like someone had taken a hammer to my skull.

The next memory floated within reach, then bobbed back as though it was on water. I plunged into the liquid substance and came up coated in blood. My body shuddered and I could hear screaming, but still I pressed on.

I wanted me. I wanted to reclaim all I was. The memories were the answer. So close…

“Callie!” My mother, sobbing, her voice slowing me.

No. I won’t stop.

“God, John she’s bleeding!” My mother was hysterical. I wanted to tell her it was okay.

Just a little further.

“Go start the car.” My father, gruff, commanding. I’d never heard him use that tone.

Around me, my body grew weightless. I was wrapped tight and warm, cocooned within fabric that held the light vanilla fragrance of my mother, and the lingering Old Spice scent of my father. Over it all was an oily metallic tang, the smell of my father’s hands after he’d cleaned his guitar.

A long descent and I was met with the sharp, tantalizing scent that makes up winter. A smell that reaches deeper than most because it brings the cold. Not artificial cold, like mint, but a cold that can frost inside.

I was grateful for it. It cooled the blood around me, made the swim a thing of ease.

Another dead end. Another hammer blow. There was no solid ground.

My lungs flooded and I drowned.