Chapter 7: Illogical Bonds

It is a little hard to avoid Ian, considering that we both belong to the same circles, have almost all of our classes together and he shows up everywhere I go. I manage to do it anyway. I haven't been hanging around Colton that much lately since the two of them are really close and love spending time together. Even Kate complained about Ian stealing her husband which was obviously amusing to Anna who makes everything in life a big joke.

I mean, it was hilarious to hear Kate complaining about their bro-mance but I've got too many problems to be thinking about.

First, Joey is breathing down my neck every second of every day. He is always after me and the guy just doesn't know when to stop.

Second, I have to focus on my grades this semester. Yes, I'm fucking serious. In life, I mess everything up so I won't let the same happen to my education.

Third and the weirdest of all... I became sexually frustrated. I don't know why but I'm only aware that I haven't slept with anyone in three weeks. Ever since that wedding night. I just am not into it. I mean, I have tried, really. I've had one guy all over me but when it got to the point of getting naked, my mind turns off. I apologized and got away as quickly as I could.

"Ugh... ", I rub my head as I think about my sex life for the hundredth time this week.

The bench near the campus where I always rest is hidden behind the trees but there is enough of space in between them to let a bit of sunlight touch my skin. The weather is unusually bright and it's warm. I concentrate on the background sounds and close my eyes. Just a little piece and quiet...

Suddenly, I am punched. It happens in one moment and the shot is straight in my face. When I reopen my eyes, I realize it's not a punch. A ball has hit me. Soccer ball. What?

"Ouch. ", I whisper as my nose throbs. I touch it and see blood on my hand.

"Shit. I didn't mean to... Victoria?"

I look up and of course it's the Adams. Typical predictable coincidence.

"What? You stop apologizing as soon as you realize it's me whom you have hurt? "

"No. Sorry. I am just surprised. ", he grabs the ball and drops it next to his feet. His hand reaches for my face. "Are you alright?"

"Don't touch me. You are lucky I haven't kicked your ass by now.” I groan and lean my head backwards, still holding my nose.

"You're bleeding. Let's get back to campus so you can wash it off.", Ian suggests.

"I have tissues. “ I point to my bag.

He looks through it and gets out a box of tissues. His face spreads in a grimace. "Why do you have tissues with you?"

"Because I hate dirty doorknobs?” I suggest.

He gives me a playful smile. "You can do better than that.”

I wipe my face. "I just like to be prepared in case a blonde douche wishes to kick a ball in my face."

He ignores the attitude and grabs the tissue from me, moving it across my nose. "Fair enough."

I huff.

"Stop touching me.”

"I'm sorry this happened. I should have paid more attention to where I was kicking. ", he gives me his honesty.

I try to appear mad but miserably fail in my intention. His energy makes a calming impact on me.

"Yes, you should have. “ I lean away from him and grab the tissue he's been using to scrub off the blood. I rise to my feet and he scratches the back of his neck. "I'm leaving. Have fun kicking the ball in someone else's face. "

"You really are annoying. “He notices. "But leave if you want to. Not like I am going to stop you. "

We glare at each other for a second before a thought comes to mind. I approach him. "You are right. I shouldn't be leaving. If anyone needs to leave, then it's you. "

"What is this? Some kind of a special place for you?” he drops his fine ass on my bench and leans against the backrest.

"I don't have a special place. “ I obviously lie to him. "That's fucking lame and cliché.”

His intense look lets me know that he's got beneath the surface of my lie.

"Okay. Well, if this isn't your place, how about you walk away and let me rest? ", Ian asks and yawns. My mouth drops.

"You fucker. “ I grab his arm and start pulling him to stand up. "I got here first!"

He laughs because my strength can't go against his hundreds of pounds of fine muscles. I do manage to move him down the bench and to the end of it though.

"This so isn't your special place. “He laughs harder as I push him off of it and on the ground. His laughter is catchy and I find myself smiling and letting out a few chuckles. Why do I resist laughing?

I hate him.

He pulled me down as well and I end up straddling one of his thighs. My hand slaps his chest.

"Stop laughing... I am serious. ", I cross my arms on my chest and make a grimace where I'm trying so hard to appear mad but failing in it.

"I can't... My ass hurts. ", he groans in between the laughs. I break and start hysterically laughing too. What the hell?

"Oh my god, Ian! Give me a break.” I close my eyes as I laugh at his expression. The way he laughs is so funny. I can't even...

"That sounds so wrong. “He looks at me and his laughter soon dies down but a smile stays attached to his lips. My eyes quickly scan his mouth and rise back up to his eyes.

"It did not. You are just perverted. ", I get off of him and sit on the grass.”Who were you playing soccer with, anyway? I only see you here. "

He sits up and throws a glance at his precious ball.

"I was just kicking it around myself, you know. Just practicing. "

"Then you got the idea to kick it in my face?"

"Hey. It was a coincidence. I got angry and I kicked it harder than I ever did. "

"What did you get angry about?” I ask without thinking. Stupid, stupid, stupid... Now you are just prolonging this conversation and making it seem like you are interested in his life.

Although, I am interested, but only a bit.

He sighs and shakes his head, standing up to his feet. I watch him and then mimic his actions.

"So?” I wait for the answer.

"Since when are you so interested in my life? You told me to get lost, as I remember. ", he stares at me blankly.

"I am not. I just wanted to... Well... I don't know... I was just... ", crap, I don't know how to finish that. ”I thought it was a logical thing to ask."

His eyes darken. "I am not going to tell anything about my love problems to a person who just finds it a new gossip they would tell their friends. “He shrugs.

"I wouldn't exactly call them friends. I don't like those touchy feely titles that only bring obligations. Also, I wouldn't tell anyone. I don't gossip. It is boring."

"Whatever. You don't deserve to know anyway. "

He said that it was his love life...

"Did you get another bitchy girlfriend and then she dumped you after good round of sex?” I half laugh.

He glares at me and turns around, somewhat hurt. "Shut up."

Oh, it is obviously a very touchy subject. Maybe I shouldn't have...

I still don't realize that he's actually walking away with a ball beneath his armpit. My smile instantly drops when it gets to my head. I walk after him in a rush, still wanting him to share the information with me. Maybe I could give him a proper advice, although I have no experience in romance.

"Then what is it? “ I ask but he ignores me. I continue walking behind him. "What is wrong? Why don't I deserve to hear it?"

"Because you make fun of everything I do and I can't stand you. “His harsh honesty rips me again. I glare.

"I am a little harsh on people. I think we all knew that. ", I say it truthfully.

"Why are you still following me?” he throws a glance in my direction.

"I don't know.”

"You better find out soon.”

"What in the world happened to you?” I grow impatient and kind of yell. I don't know why I am so eager to know. I wish he'd just share the information with me.

Ian chuckles and shakes his head. "You really are stubborn. But I still don't trust you. "

"Nobody does.” I run a hand through my wavy brown hair. "Fine. Don't tell me then. I give up, Adams. "

"I hooked up with Lydia last night" Ian opens his heart suddenly. "But like you said, she threw me out. I am not sure of anything anymore. "

"What do you mean?” I frown.

"The whole concept of having a relationship. It sure ends at some point. Why have one then?"

"Finally. Someone understands. That's what I say all the time. What do you get from committing to a person? A possibility of them screwing you over? Of them leaving or worse...fucking dying?” I chew on my bottom lip and he watches me.

"It's not all that negative. Love exists. It's just that it's hard to find the person. ", he now takes the opposite side, obviously not being the extremist like myself.

"Oh please. “ I wave my hand at him and most people's illogical way of thinking. "No person can be your whole world. It's so unhealthy that it makes me want to throw up. Everyone is the same. Having feelings leads to self-destruction. It's unnatural to have one partner, but most people don't understand. They all ignore the fact that animals don't commit for the sake of 'romantic love' but just reproduce to keep their species on planet earth. Sure there is love, but the free, friendship kind of love. Not 'I want to have sex with only one person' kind of love. We weren't created to give ourselves to one person only in the first place. People invented romantic love. It's artificial and unnatural. "

Ian seems stunned by my sudden outburst. That kind of reaction is unfortunately the only one I can offer in situations like this. Whiff of wind passes between the two grown up childhood friends that cannot understand each other anymore at this particular point in life. He takes a breath and relaxes, trying to explain his own perspective.

"It's okay if you put it that way, but you are forgetting something, Victoria. People did not 'create' romantic love and marriage for the sake of locking you down. The difference between animals you are talking about and us, humans, is that we have consciousness and they don't. If we have minds, and they don't, then we have a level of awareness they can't reach. They act upon their instincts but we mostly act upon our reason. After all, while having sex, we are the only species on planet Earth that is aware of the fact that our doing makes children. It incarnates another soul on Earth. That is why it is a mental act, not just physical. And if it's mental, you would want to do it with someone that absolutely fits you mentally, not just physically. It's stupid thinking we should just jump on each other like street dogs. If you find someone who understands you and cares as deeply as you do, it's worth it. ", he looks me in the eyes.

Ian kind of makes me lose my tracks there and give it a thought. He's really good in this, saying smart things. He surprised me, I'll admit it. Smart guy, like I assumed before. That small spark in his eyes gave him away.

Yet, I am not convinced in his nicely told story because I have stuck to my one and only point of view for so long. My father and mother loved each other so much and then he got crazy and sent her to death. If it wasn't like that, then there is another way. If the person doesn't screw you over, then circumstances definitely will.

There are many paths to emptiness; unfortunately, I walked them all.

"You know nothing, Ian. “ I look down.

He stays quiet. I don't look up but notice his figure getting closer. He grabs my hand and I look up at him, surprised.

"I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable or if the conversation hurt you. You just asked me, and I replied to you, and then it lead to this. Let's forget the topic. " His nice personality yet again makes me wonder about where it is coming from. He is truly a nice guy, even though I was a bitch to him before.

I suck in a harsh breath and mumble. "I am not hurt...”

"It gets me annoyed, you know. How you try to appear all tough and untouchable but I know you're actually really sweet. I remember you calming me when I was angry or sad, when we were little. You were so easy to be around. That's the main reason why I wanted to get to know you and be friends. ", he admits and pulls his hand away.

I can still feel it on mine as it lets go. I shake my head, as if trying to shake off his words and push them deep into the abyss of oblivion. Could he really see something in me that even I don't see?