feeling guilty

CHAPTER 9

The sun's already down and I'm floating in the sea water, with my eyes closed. I've gotten pretty far away from the shore already but I just don't want to break this relaxing and calming feeling.

I was so confused by Luke's actions. I'm sure he doesn't like me. It's impossible. We just met each other yesterday and in two days, I feel like too much has happened.

I don't know what Lucas is up to but his actions are no longer funny. He can't just kiss me whenever he wanted. This can't go on.

"Ma'am Loraine!" Sister Teresa shouted. She doesn't really need to address with such but she says she doesn't want to appear in the first person that they don't respect me. That just happened actually. And one more thing, Luke rebuked them too. That asshole!

The reason why I'm still out even when it's already dark is because I want to avoid Lucas. Because of the actions he had shown earlier, I no longer knew how to deal with him. What's going on with him?

Sister Teresa, go fetch me some food. I won't go home yet." I shouted back before diving into the water. I can no longer see the corals very clearly unlike before. The water temperature is also starting to fluctuate.

"Ma'am, Ser Lucas left a while ago. He went to his friend's birthday in town! He said he's not going home now." Aniya. I immediately swam closer to him when I heard what he said. Good grief not Luke.

I shivered in the cold as soon as I got out of the water. Sister Teresa handed me a towel.

"It's cold." I said while hugging tightly to the towel. Sister Teresa looked at me and then whispered.

"Why did you soak in water for so long? That will make you sick!" Panenermon niya. I just smirked at her and then I suddenly sneezed. Crap! Sister Teresa looked like an angel.

"Hayy, juskoo. Let's hurry ma'am. You need to take medicine and maybe that pain will continue." Concerned, Sister Teresa said and then we hurried home. And you know, I hope she didn't say that.

"Jusko santisima! Why are you soaking in the water? There you go and your fever continues!" Sermon by Manang Lois. I sneezed and coughed. My head feels heavy and my eyes are watering.

"I don't know. I thought I was perfectly fine last night, I even drink medicine before falling asleep." I explained that was followed again by a series of coughs. Gawd! I'm really sick! My head is spinning and I can feel like I'm literally burning.

This is what I hate about getting sick! This feeling is so uncomfortable. Even though I'm wrapped with thick blankets, I feel like the air is still touching my skin. What was I thinking and I soaked in water for so long? Am I stupid?

"Sherley, get some more lukewarm water." Sister Betty ordered Sherley to obey without a word. They have been by my side for a while and are not leaving me. This, too, makes me uncomfortable.

"Guys," I call to their attention. "I can take care of myself. I mean, you can leave now. I know you still have things to do." I coughed again. Concerned, Sister Teresa caressed my back. "What I need is rest. It's just a fever. I can manage." I forced a smile. Ate Teresa and Sister Betty were ready to protest but Manang stopped them.

"We'll visit you in twenty minutes. Rest there." Manang said and pulled the two away.

When they left, my tears flowed. It's not because I'm in pain or anything. I just feel really heavy. I am always like this when I have a fever. When I'm sick, Olivia is always the one who's taking care of me. Its only been two days but, I miss them already. When will these two months end?

I want to cut off my connection to Lucas already. As long as this engagement thing is still binding us, I can't be free. All I want is to be a free character. Those who are free to decide and choose the man they will love in life. But why is that man getting so complicated?

I can feel it. I can feel that he also don't want this marrying stuff. It's also written in the book that I read.

The book, I've been thinking about it for many times. Just how much can I trust that book now? The ending that is ahead is kind of blurry than the ending that's scripted in the story. Perhaps, I have changed so much.

Too many things have changed since I lived as Loraine. Every time I change something, I feel burdened. I'm feeling guilty because I don't know if I even have the right to mess with the story. And I've been messing with the story ever since I started this life.

Why do I have to be Loraine by the way? I just be any other character that's not binded in the story. Is it bad to wish that I want to be a free character?

I hope I can just live this two months in peace. I just want to stay away from Lucas' sight and end this quietly. I don't want to see him, because I have this feeling that the more I get involved with him, I will start to assume things. And I don't want to let that happen.

And I know I'm being so full of myself for thinking that Lucas might fall for me, but it's not that impossible to happen since Loraine does have a beautiful face. I suddenly slam my palm against my forehead. C'mon brain, what are you thinking? I think I'm delusional.

"What are you doing?" Sherley asked calmly. I was taken aback with her sudden change in attitude that I stared at her with widened eyes.

"W-Well, I'm, uh, just humbling myself." Somewhat weird I said.

'Well, I did think about Lucas falling in love with me and other ridiculous stuff. I shouldn't let it get into my head. '

But for some reasons, looks like this girl have finally showed her claws at me. She's not hiding her real personality anymore. Well, who cares about her? She's not a major character.

"You are going crazy." He commented then carelessly laid down the small basin with only lukewarm water and bimpo. "Don't be too complacent that you can have Lucas. You're not his fiance ---"

"Future fiance, you mean." I hit him weakly. His eyes narrowed at me. Maybe he’s already wondering why I’m not fencing Luke off. And does he really consider me a love rival for that man? How stupid can she get?

"Something happened to Lucas and me. Not just once, but twice. We also did it yesterday." Smiling he said to me. I just sighed and stared at her. What is he playing? Edi him Lucas, he will stab him in the lungs. I had the last laugh when I watched Lucas just throw him for Olivia. She's one desperate bitch, mind you.

"So what?" I asked a warning question before coughing again. Gawd, I'm so pathetic!

I saw the astonishment in Sherley's eyes. Probably at these times, he was already wondering why I didn’t care about Luke.

'Sherley, I'm not your enemy, but I'm not your ally either.' that's what I want to tell him.

Right now, he'll have a hint that I don't like Luke that he's crazy about. Because if I like the heroine and if I plan to beat her, I should have ambushed Olivia in the first place.

"Are you saying that even if Lucas is with me now he will still come to you eventually? 'Don't be arrogant! Lucas will fight me! He loves me!" He shouted at me. I mentally slammed my forehead.

'Just how stupid is this girl?'

Even though I'm wondering how on earth did she end up getting that fucked up idea, I only answered her with a glare.

"Give it up. You're pathetic," I said coldly stopping him. I clutched my head as my dizziness got worse. Unfortunately, talking to this idiot is not healthy for me. "Let me clear just one thing. You will never have Lucas. Whether you understand it or not, please leave. My condition just worsened because of your stupidity." I bluntly said. The insult and anger were obvious on his face. I saw her clenching her fists. She was about to say something again but I gave her a deadly stare. My head is already spinning so badly and I want to close my eyes. But I can't fall asleep with this bitch around. Who knows, she might kill me the moment I lose my consciousness.

She tsked, locked the door and left. Tch! I'm pretty sure she did that so I can't call help if something bad happens to me. When the sound of his footsteps disappeared, I fell asleep.

My spirit seemed to awaken in the middle of sleep when I felt the approach of the familiar presence. Lucas already?

I didn't even have the energy to respond let alone to even open my eyes. I felt his hand on my neck. "Tch, stubborn cherry lips." I heard him whisper before I could hear the sound of his shoes going away.

Lucas, that stupid guy! It's all because of his unpredictable thoughts and actions! Damn him to the pits of hell!

I woke up with the sound of my phone. I reached for it and swiped up without looking at who was calling. "Mmm?" I'll just answer.

"Witch. Wait, are you asleep? Noon is honest?" He asked in astonishment. I looked at the caller. JERK FACE.

"I'm sleepy. What's the matter?" My question is a bit hoarse.

"You're sick?" He asked. I just did not answer him. He already knew that. The strength of this man's feeling.

"If you're going to scold me, save it. What do you need?" I will ask. He laughed and the excited tone in his voice was obvious.

"Since you're not here to kick me in the face. I'm dating my baby. C'mon help me, I'm fucking nervous that I don't know what to do. What should I wear? Should I keep it casual? " He was really excited to ask. My forehead furrowed. He actually approached my brother while I was away. Well, whatever. It's just this once, and at least even if they don't get along, Kali has shown her sincere feelings for Olivia.

"I believe this is not the first time you dated a girl. Why are you acting a a freaking teenage girl? You're already twenty for Pete's sake." I said. He grunted and insisted his question.

"C'mon, best friend. I know I dated girls before but they're nothing. Now, this is my baby Olivia. She's different and I want to impress her. Help me, pretty please?" Pitying he said.

I helped him with what he was going to test and how he should act in front of my brother. I know Kali and her mouth has no filter. If the women he dates are fascinated by his dirty jokes, they will suddenly appear out of nowhere, for sure my innocent brother will just run away from him if he is immediately exposed. How many times have I almost cursed him because of the lintek he was so horny.

After like, ten long hours. Kali was also satisfied with what she learned from me about Olivia. He kept asking questions and I was starting to get angry but because I was a good friend, I didn't scold him. Also, I'm sick now so I've lost the desire to preach to him.

At the present, it's not clear if Olivia will fall in Kali's charms. Since she is the heroine in this book and that her fated partner is Lucas, I don't think she will fall in love with my jerk best friend. But if that really happens ....

Argh! I don't wanna think about that yet! I don't know what will happen yet because we haven't reached chapter 1 of this story yet.

I forced myself to stand up and go out to get some water. Shit. The weight I still really feel. What time is it now?

When will this chronic disease go away?

TO BE CONTINUED....