CHAPTER 1: HESITATION

I

1

n the big house—and Shelby would always think of it as the big house

—she sat in her husband’s big leather chair at his big, important desk.

The color of the chair was espresso. Not brown. Richard had been very

exact about that sort of thing. The desk itself, so sleek and shiny, was

African zebra wood, and custom-made for him in Italy.

When she’d said—just a joke—that she didn’t know they had zebras in

Italy, he’d given her that look. The look that told her despite the big house,

the fancy clothes and the fat diamond on the fourth finger of her left hand,

she’d always be Shelby Anne Pomeroy, two steps out of the bumpkin town

in Tennessee where she was born and raised.

He’d have laughed once, she thought now, he’d have known she was

joking and laughed as if she were the sparkle in his life. But oh God, she’d

dulled in his eyes, and so fast, too.

The man she’d met nearly five years before on a starry summer night had

swept her off her feet, away from everything she’d known, into worlds

she’d barely imagined.

He’d treated her like a princess, shown her places she’d only read about

in books or seen in movies. And he’d loved her once—hadn’t he? It was

important to remember that. He’d loved her, wanted her, given her all any

woman could ask for.

Provided. That was a word he’d often used. He’d provided for her.

Maybe he’d been upset when she got pregnant, maybe she’d been afraid

—just for a minute—of the look in his eyes when she told him. But he’d

married her, hadn’t he? Whisked her off to Las Vegas like they were having

the adventure of a lifetime.

They’d been happy then. It was important to remember that now, too.

She had to remember that, to hold tight the memories of the good times.

A woman widowed at twenty-four needed memories.

A woman who learned she’d been living a lie, was not only broke but in

terrible, breathtaking debt, needed reminders of the good times.

The lawyers and accountants and tax people explained it all to her, but

they might as well have been speaking Greek when they went on about

leveraging and hedge funds and foreclosures. The big house, one that had

intimidated her since she’d walked in the door, wasn’t hers—or not enough

hers to matter—but the mortgage company’s. The cars, leased not bought,

and with the payments overdue, not hers, either.

The furniture? Bought on credit, and those payments overdue.

And the taxes. She couldn’t bear to think about the taxes. It terrified her

to think of them.

In the two months and eight days since Richard’s death, it seemed all she

did was think about matters he’d told her not to worry about, matters that

weren’t her concern. Matters, when he’d give her that look, that were none

of her business.

Now it was all her concern, and all her business, because she owed

creditors, a mortgage company and the United States government so much

money it paralyzed her.

She couldn’t afford to be paralyzed. She had a child, she had a daughter.

Callie was all that mattered now. She was only three, Shelby thought, and

wanted to lay her head down on that slick, shiny desk and weep.

“But you won’t. You’re what she’s got now, so you’ll do whatever has to

be done.”

She opened one of the boxes, the one marked “Personal Papers.” The

lawyers and tax people had taken everything, gone through everything,

copied everything, she supposed.

Now she would go through everything, and see what could be salvaged.

For Callie.

She needed to find enough, somewhere, to provide for her child after

she’d paid off all the debt. She’d get work, of course, but it wouldn’t be

enough.

She didn’t care about the money, she thought as she began going through

receipts for suits and shoes and restaurants and hotels. For private planes.

She’d learned she didn’t care about the money after the first whirlwind year,

after Callie.

After Callie all she’d wanted was a home.

She stopped, looked around Richard’s office. The harsh colors of the

modern art he’d preferred, the stark white walls he said best showed off that

art, and the dark woods and leathers.

This wouldn’t be home, and hadn’t been. Would never be, she thought, if

she lived here eighty years instead of the scant three months since they’d

moved in.

He’d bought it without consulting her, furnished it without asking what

she’d like. A surprise, he’d said, throwing open the doors to this monster

house in Villanova, this echoing building in what he’d claimed was the best

of the Philadelphia suburbs.

And she’d pretended to love it, hadn’t she? Grateful for a settled place,

however much the hard colors and towering ceilings intimidated. Callie

would have a home, go to good schools, play in a safe neighborhood.

Make friends. She’d make friends, too—that had been her hope.

But there hadn’t been time.

Just as there wasn’t a ten-million-dollar life insurance policy. He’d lied

about that, too. Lied about the college fund for Callie.

Why?

She put that question aside. She’d never know the answer, so why ask

why?

She could take his suits and shoes and ties and his sports equipment, the

golf clubs and skis. Take all those to consignment shops. Take what she

could get there.

Take whatever they didn’t repossess and sell it. On damn eBay if she had

to. Or Craigslist. Or a pawnshop, it didn’t matter.

Plenty in her own closet to sell. And jewelry, too.

She looked at the diamond, the ring he’d slipped on her finger when they

got to Vegas. The wedding ring, she’d keep, but the diamond, she’d sell.

There was plenty of her own to sell.

For Callie.

She went through files, one by one. They’d taken all the computers, and

those she didn’t have back yet. But the actual paper was tangible.

She opened his medical file.

He’d taken good care of himself, she thought—which reminded her to

cancel the memberships at the country club, at the fitness center. That had

gone out of her mind. He’d been a healthy man, one who kept his body in

tune, who never missed a checkup.

She needed to toss out all those vitamins and supplements he’d taken

daily, she decided as she turned over another paper.

No reason to keep those, no reason to keep these records, either. The

healthy man had drowned in the Atlantic, just a few miles off the South

Carolina coast, at the age of thirty-three.

She should just shred all this. Richard had been big on shredding and had

his own machine right there in the office. Creditors didn’t need to see the

results of his last routine blood work or the confirmation of his flu shot

from two years ago, paperwork from the emergency room from when he’d

dislocated his finger playing basketball.

For God’s sake, that had been three years ago. For a man who’d shred

enough paperwork to make a mountain range, he’d sure been possessive

about his medical receipts.

She sighed, noting another, dated almost four years ago. She started to

toss it aside, stopped and frowned. She didn’t know this doctor. Of course,

they’d been living in that big high-rise in Houston then, and who could

keep track of doctors the way they’d moved every year—sometimes less

than that. But this doctor was in New York City.

“That can’t be right,” she murmured. “Why would Richard go to a doctor

in New York for a . . .”

Everything went cold. Her mind, her heart, her belly. Her fingers

trembled as she lifted the paper, brought it closer as if the words would

change with the distance.

But they stayed the same.

Richard Andrew Foxworth had elective surgery, performed by Dr. Dipok

Haryana at Mount Sinai Medical Center, on July 12, 2011. A vasectomy.

He’d had a vasectomy, without telling her. Callie barely two months old

and he’d fixed it so there could be no more children. He’d pretended to

want more when she’d begun talking about another. He’d agreed to get

checked, as she got checked, when, after a year of trying, she hadn’t

conceived.

She could hear him now.

You’ve just got to relax, Shelby, for God’s sake. If you’re worried and

tense about it, it’ll never happen.

“No, it’ll never happen, because you fixed it so it couldn’t. You lied to

me, even about that. Lied when my heart broke every month.

“How could you? How could you?”

She pushed away from the desk, pressed her fingers to her eyes. July,

mid-July, and Callie about eight weeks old. A business trip, he’d said, that’s

right, she remembered very well. To New York—hadn’t lied about the

where.

She hadn’t wanted to take the baby to the city—he’d known she

wouldn’t. He’d made all the arrangements. Another surprise for her. He’d

sent her back to Tennessee on a private plane, her and her baby.

So she could spend some time with her family, he’d said. Show off the

baby, let her mother and grandmother spoil her and spoil Callie for a couple

of weeks.

She’d been so happy, so grateful, she thought now. And all the while

he’d just been getting her out of the way so he could make certain he didn’t

father another child.

She walked back to the desk, picked up the photo she’d had framed for

him. One of her and Callie, taken by her brother Clay on that very trip. A

thank-you gift he’d seemed to value as he’d kept it on his desk—wherever

they’d been—ever since.

“Another lie. Just another lie. You never loved us. You couldn’t have lied

and lied and lied if you’d loved us.”

On the rage of betrayal she nearly smashed the frame on the desk. Only

the face of her baby stopped her. She set it down again, as carefully as she

might priceless and fragile porcelain.

Then she lowered to the floor—she couldn’t sit behind that desk, not

now. She sat on the floor with harsh colors against hard white walls,

rocking, weeping. Weeping not because the man she’d loved was dead, but

because he never existed.

• • •

THERE WAS NO TIME TO SLEEP. Though she disliked coffee, she made herself

an oversized mug from Richard’s Italian machine—and hit it with a double

shot of espresso.

Headachy from the crying jag, wired up on caffeine, she combed through

every paper in the box, making piles.

Hotel and restaurant receipts when viewed with newly opened eyes told

her he hadn’t just lied, but had cheated.

Room service charges too high for a man alone. Add a receipt for a silver

bangle from Tiffany’s—which he’d never given to her—from the same trip,

another five thousand at La Perla—the lingerie he preferred she wear—

from another trip, a receipt for a weekend spent in a bed-and-breakfast in

Vermont when he’d said he was going to finalize a deal in Chicago, and it

began to solidify.

Why had he kept all this, all this proof of his lies and infidelity? Because,

she realized, she’d trusted him.

Not even that, she thought, accepting. She’d suspected an affair, and he’d

likely known she had. He kept it because he’d thought her too obedient to

poke through his personal records.

And she had been.

The other lives he’d lived, he’d locked away. She hadn’t known where to

find the key, would never have questioned him—and he’d known it.

How many other women? she wondered. Did it matter? One was too

many, and any of them would have been more sophisticated, more

experienced and knowledgeable than the girl from the little mountain town

in Tennessee he’d knocked up when she was nineteen, dazzled and foolish.

Why had he married her?

Maybe he’d loved her, at least a little. Wanted her. But she hadn’t been

enough, not enough to keep him happy, keep him true.

And did that matter, really? He was dead.

Yes, she thought. Yes, it mattered.

He’d made a fool of her, left her humiliated. Left her with a financial

burden that could hound her for years and jeopardize their daughter’s

future.

It damn well mattered.

She spent another hour going systematically through the office. The safe

had already been cleared. She’d known about it, though she hadn’t had the

combination. She’d given the lawyers permission to have it opened.

They’d taken most of the legal documents, but there was five thousand in

cash. She took it out, set it aside. Callie’s birth certificate, their passports.

She opened Richard’s, studied his photo.

So handsome. Smooth and polished, like a movie star, with his rich

brown hair and tawny eyes. She’d so wished Callie had inherited his

dimples. She’d been so charmed by those damn dimples.

She set the passports aside. However unlikely it was she’d use hers or

Callie’s, she’d pack them up. She’d destroy Richard’s. Or—maybe ask the

lawyers if that’s what she should do.

She found nothing hidden away, but she’d go through everything again

before she shredded or filed it all away again in packing boxes.

Hyped on coffee and grief, she walked through the house, crossed the big

two-story foyer, took the curving stairs up, the thick socks she wore

soundless on the hardwood.

She checked on Callie first, went into the pretty room, leaned down to

kiss her daughter’s cheek before tucking the blankets around her little girl’s

favored butt-in-the-air sleeping position.

Leaving the door open, she walked down the hall to the master suite.

She hated the room, she thought now. Hated the gray walls, the black

leather headboard, the sharp lines of the black furniture.

She hated it more now, knowing she’d made love with him in that bed

after he’d made love with other women, in other beds.

As her belly twisted she realized she needed to go to the doctor herself.

She needed to be sure he hadn’t passed anything on to her. Don’t think now,

she told herself. Just make the appointment tomorrow, and don’t think now.

She went to his closet—one nearly as big as the whole of the bedroom

she’d had back in Rendezvous Ridge, back home.

Some of the suits had barely been worn, she thought. Armani, Versace,

Cucinelli. Richard had leaned toward Italian designers for suits. And shoes,

she thought, taking a pair of black Ferragamo loafers off the shoe shelf,

turning them over to study the soles.

Barely scuffed.

Moving through, she opened a cupboard, took out suit bags.

She’d take as many as she could manage to the consignment shop in the

morning.

“Should have done it already,” she muttered.

But first there’d been shock and grief, then the lawyers, the accountants,

the government agent.

She went through the pockets of a gray pinstripe to be certain they were

empty, transferred it to the bag. Five a bag, she calculated. Four bags for the

suits, then another five—maybe six—for jackets and coats. Then shirts,

casual pants.

The mindless work kept her calm; the gradual clearing of space lightened

her heart, a little.

She hesitated when she got to the dark bronze leather jacket. He’d

favored it, had looked so good in the aviator style and the rich color. It was,

she knew, one of the few gifts she’d given him that he’d really liked.

She stroked one of the sleeves, buttery soft, supple, and nearly gave in to

the sentiment to set it aside, keep it, at least for a while.

Then she thought of the doctor’s receipt and dug ruthlessly through the

pockets.

Empty, of course, he’d been careful to empty his pockets every night,

toss any loose change in the glass dish on his dresser. Phone in the charger,

keys in the dish by the front door or hung in the cabinet in his office. Never

left anything in pockets to weigh them down, spoil the line, be forgotten.

But as she gave the pockets a squeeze—a habit she’d picked up from her

mother on washing day—she felt something. She checked the pocket again,

found it empty. Pushed her fingers in again, turned the pocket inside out.

A little hole in the lining, she noted. Yes, he had favored the jacket.

She carried the jacket back into the bedroom, got her manicure scissors

out of her kit. Carefully, she widened the hole, telling herself she’d stitch it

up later, before she bagged it for sale.

Slipping her fingers in the opening, she drew out a key.

Not a door key, she thought, turning it in the light. Not a car key. A bank

box.

But what bank? And what was in it? Why have a bank box when he had

a safe right in his office?

She should probably tell the lawyers, she thought. But she wasn’t going

to. For all she knew, he had a ledger in there listing all the women he’d

slept with in the past five years, and she’d had enough humiliation.

She’d find the bank, and the box, and see for herself.

They could take the house, the furniture, the cars—the stocks, bonds,

money that hadn’t been nearly what Richard had told her. They could take

the art, the jewelry, the chinchilla jacket he’d given her for their first—and

last—Christmas in Pennsylvania.

But she’d hold on to what was left of her pride.

• • •

SHE WOKE FROM SHIVERY, disturbing dreams to the insistent tugging on her

hand.

“Mama, Mama, Mama. Wake up!”

“What?” She didn’t even open her eyes, just reached down, pulled her

little girl onto the bed with her. Snuggled right in.

“Morning time.” Callie sang it. “Fifi’s hungry.”

“Mm.” Fifi, Callie’s desperately beloved stuffed dog, always woke

hungry. “Okay.” But she snuggled another minute.

At some point she’d stretched out, fully clothed, on top of the bed, pulled

the black cashmere throw over herself and dropped off. She’d never

convince Callie—or Fifi—to cuddle up for another hour, but she could stall

for a few minutes.

“Your hair smells so good,” Shelby murmured.

“Callie’s hair. Mama’s hair.”

Shelby smiled at the tug on hers. “Just the same.”

The deep golden red had passed down from her mother’s side. From the

MacNee side. As had the nearly unmanageable curls, which—as Richard

preferred the sleek and smooth—she’d had blown out and straightened

every week.

“Callie’s eyes. Mama’s eyes.”

Callie pulled Shelby’s eye open with her fingers—the same deep blue

eyes that read almost purple in some lights.

“Just the same,” Shelby began, then winced when Callie poked at her

eye.

“Red.”

“I bet. What does Fifi want for breakfast?” Five more minutes, Callie

thought. Just five.

“Fifi wants . . . candy!”

The utter glee in her daughter’s voice had Shelby opening her bloodshot

blue eyes. “Is that so, Fifi?” Shelby turned the plush, cheerful face on the

pink poodle in her direction. “Not a chance.”

She rolled Callie over, tickled her ribs and, despite the headache, reveled

in the joyful squeals.

“Breakfast it is.” She scooped Callie up. “Then we’ve got places to go,

my little fairy queen, and people to see.”

“Marta? Is Marta coming?”

“No, baby.” She thought of the nanny Richard had insisted on.

“Remember how I told you Marta can’t come anymore?”

“Like Daddy,” Callie said as Shelby carried her downstairs.

“Not exactly. But I’m going to fix us a fabulous breakfast. You know

what’s almost as good as candy for breakfast?”

“Cake!”

Shelby laughed. “Close. Pancakes. Puppy dog pancakes.”

With a giggle, Callie laid her head on Shelby’s shoulder. “I love Mama.”

“I love Callie,” Shelby replied, and promised herself she’d do whatever

she had to do to give Callie a good, secure life.

• • •

AFTER BREAKFAST, she helped her daughter dress, bundled them both up.

She’d enjoyed the snow at Christmas, had barely noticed it in January, after

Richard’s accident.

But now it was March, and she was thoroughly sick of it, and the bitter

air that showed no sign of thawing. But it was warm enough in the garage

to settle Callie into her car seat, to haul all the heavy garment bags into the

sleek-lined SUV she probably wouldn’t have much longer.

She’d need to find enough money to buy a secondhand car. A good, safe,

child-friendly car. A minivan, she thought, as she backed out of the garage.

She drove carefully. The roads here had been well plowed, but winter did

its damage however exclusive the neighborhood, and there were potholes.

She didn’t know anyone here. The winter had been so harsh, so cold, her

circumstances so overwhelming, she’d stayed in more than going out. And

Callie caught that nasty cold. The cold, Shelby remembered, that had kept

them home when Richard took the trip to South Carolina. The trip that was

supposed to be a family winter break.

They would’ve been with him on the boat, and hearing her daughter

chattering to Fifi, it didn’t bear thinking about. Instead she concentrated on

negotiating traffic, and finding the consignment shop.

She transferred Callie to her stroller and, cursing the biting wind,

dragged the top three bags out of the car. As she fought to open the shop

door, keep the bags from sliding and block Callie from the worst of the

wind, a woman pulled open the door.

“Oh, wow! Let me give you a hand.”

“Thank you. They’re a little heavy so I should—”

“I’ve got them. Macey! Treasure trove.”

Another woman—this one very pregnant—stepped out from a back

room. “Good morning. Well, hello, cutie,” she said to Callie.

“You got a baby in your tummy.”

“Yes, I do.” Laying a hand over it, Macey smiled at Shelby. “Welcome to

Second Chances. Do you have some things for us to consider?”

“I do.” A quick glance around showed Shelby racks and shelves of

clothes and accessories. And a very tiny area dedicated to men’s clothes.

Her hopes sank.

“I haven’t had a chance to come in before, so I wasn’t sure what you . . .

Most of what I brought in are suits. Men’s suits and shirts and jackets.”

“We don’t get nearly enough menswear.” The woman who’d let her in

tapped the garment bags she’d laid on a wide counter. “Is it all right to take

a look?”

“Yes, please.”

“You’re not from around here,” Macey commented.

“Oh, no. I guess not.”

“Are you visiting?”

“We— I live here in Villanova right now, just since December, but—”

“Oh my goodness! These are gorgeous suits. Pristine condition so far,

Macey.”

“Size, Cheryl?”

“Forty-two Regular. And there must be twenty of them.”

“Twenty-two,” Shelby said, and linked her fingers together. “I have more

in the car.”

“More?” both women said together.

“Shoes—men’s size ten. And coats and jackets, and . . . My husband—”

“Daddy’s clothes!” Callie announced when Cheryl hung another suit on a

holding rack. “Don’t touch Daddy’s clothes with sticky hands.”

“That’s right, baby. Ah, you see,” Shelby began, looking for the right

way to explain. Callie solved it for her.

“My daddy went to heaven.”

“I’m so sorry.” One hand on her belly, Macey reached out, touched

Callie’s arm.

“Heaven’s pretty,” Callie told them. “Angels live there.”

“That’s absolutely right.” Macey glanced at Cheryl, nodded. “Why don’t

you go out, get the rest?” she told Shelby. “You can leave— What’s your

name, cutie?”

“Callie Rose Foxworth. This is Fifi.”

“Hello, Fifi. We’ll watch Callie and Fifi while you bring the rest in.”

“If you’re sure . . .” She hesitated, then asked herself why two women—

one of them about seven months along—would run off with Callie in the

time it took her to get to the car and back. “I’ll only be a minute. Callie, you

be good. Mama’s just getting something out of the car.”

• • •

THEY WERE NICE, Shelby thought later as she drove off to try local banks.

People were usually nice if you gave them the chance to be. They’d taken

everything, and she knew they’d taken more than maybe they might have

but Callie had charmed them.

“You’re my lucky charm, Callie Rose.”

Callie grinned around the straw of her juice box, but kept her eyes glued

to the backseat DVD screen and her ten millionth viewing of Shrek.