Still here

SHANE (2017)

“Would you like to stay?” Debbie asked, while playfully pouting her lips and curling her hair around her finger. She has a bright red manicure today, and her long sharp nails always left scratch marks on my back.

However, I'm not complaining. Debbie is very passionate, and she always shows what she is capable of in bed. Everything is fine until she starts acting like a naughty little girl, which is ridiculous to say the least because she turned twenty-eight last month.

But, I must give her credit - she looks awesome. Gorgeous ass, and her boobs - are just mind-blowing. Debbie likes to brag that she gave a bunch of money for them to a surgeon in Salt Lake City.

“I can’t, you know that,” I answered while tightening my belt. I had pretended that I'm sorry, so we could repeat all of this sometime later.

Now that my needs are more than satisfied, I want to get out of this room as soon as possible, which resembles the princess's abode with its pink color, silk, and frills.

“I really wish you could stay the night,” Debbie sighed ruefully, moving her leg as the blanket “accidentally” slipped off.

Tears almost glistened in the large, dark eyes, hinting that I will not regret it if I linger. But it didn’t work. Debbie's eyes, though beautiful, always seemed to be blank to me.

Once I got fully dressed, I came to her bed and bent down so our lips could quickly meet.

“See you later, baby.”

I left before she had time to say anything else.

Even though it was getting late, and I worked hard all day, I felt great. I cheerfully ran off the porch and jumped into my pickup truck with a big smile on my face.

Wow, Debbie! The girl was on fire.

I'm in a great mood - that's what makes good sex and blowjobs the icing on the cake.

I headed home, passing through Payson at night. Almost all shops were closed, and only bars were full of life. After a hard day full of work, young (and not-so-young) people are drawn to the sketchy parts of the town to knock over a glass or two, talk about this and that, and, if you're lucky, find yourself a company for the rest of the night.

I love this town. Who would have thought that this would ever happen? For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to get out of here.

And I should say, I got out. For two whole years, until circumstances forced me to come back.

I rubbed my neck, holding the steering wheel with one hand.

Well, fuck it - I don’t want to think about sad things. I forbade pitying myself a long time ago. My life in Payson is pretty good. I have nothing to complain about.

I’m not gonna cry about it. Period.

I turned into the driveway of our house and turned off the engine. Finn was in the living room, playing the console. I sat on the arm of the sofa, watching my brother play.

“Dude, you're screwed! No, not in that direction…”

But it's too late. Despite a ferocious look on my brother’s face as he shot the bad guys, he was still knocked down and a bloody text popped up on the screen saying: "You are dead."

“Fuck! You motherfucker!” Finn scolded, throwing the controller away.

“Hey!” I glared at him severely. “Watch your language.”

My brother is sixteen, and although I did far worse things than swearing at his age, I'm his guardian after all. I have to educate him and be a role-model.

“How was the date?” He smirked, giving me an idea that I'm telling him too much.

But Finn has known everything about my personal life since I was thirteen because from the very beginning I wanted us to have a trusting relationship. I may be his legal guardian, but I'm also his older brother. We are everything each other has.

“Okay, as always. And it wasn't a date. Did you eat?”

He nodded, and his hair fell in his eyes. I made a note that it's time to take him to the hairdresser, although guys his age seem to think it's fashionable.

“Come on buddy, it’s time for you to go to bed. Did you forget that tomorrow is a school day?”

Finn grimaced.

“Yeah, like it’s possible to forget about it.”

“Okay, don’t grumble,” - I laughed. - “Let's go.”

I leaned down, and he wrapped his arms around my neck. He uses body braces at school, but I help him at home because it's much faster that way.

Due to the illness, he is thin and it costs me nothing to lift him.

I took my brother to the bathroom, and once he finished his business, I transferred him to his bedroom. It's on the ground floor, right behind the kitchen so he doesn't have to climb the stairs every time.

“Good night, buddy.”

By force of habit, I ruffled his hair, just like I did when I was a child, but Finn is no longer a child - he is sixteen. He may start having problems, like any teenager, so I'm looking forward to this time with fear.

I have been raising him since he was ten, and over the years I have come to believe that he is my child.

In a way, it is, because I replaced our mother and father for him.

After closing the door to my brother's room, I went to the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher with the dirty dishes. Then I made a sandwich that Finn will take to school for lunch tomorrow.

After everything was done, I took a bottle of beer from the refrigerator and sat down on the couch in front of the TV. I was flipping channels until I found a show about the wild savannah.

This is how my life has been for the past six years. But I'm not complaining.

***

“How’s that girl?” I asked, following Finn's gaze.

“Hannah Rikers,” He mumbled reluctantly, and immediately looked away.

The blond-haired girl that caught my brother's attention was walking away towards the school entrance.

“Your classmate?”

“Yes.”

Finn looked down on the floor. I wanted to cheer him up, tell him not to hang his nose, everything will be cool. But what do I know about being a "special" teenager, as Finn's therapist likes to say, and pine for a girl who probably doesn't know he exists?

Nothing. My school years were different. I was popular because I played football and, without false modesty, looked good. Girls gathered around me.

My brother was less fortunate. He was born with a disease that determined his entire future life.

The truth is, in all likelihood, he has no chance with this Hannah girl or anyone like her.

However, in some ways I can still understand him. Once upon a time, I also yearned for the one I could not get ...

“Hey, do you want to have a pizza and movie night tonight? Let's choose an action movie with a bunch of senseless firing and gallons of blood?” - I offered, and I winced at myself, because it looked so much like a bribe.