The past

I demanded, feeling very defensive for reasons I wasn't entirely sure of at the time. "What exactly did you hear?"

I tried telling myself that all I had done was speak the truth. However, I did just criticize him to our teacher in a blind rage. I looked away, suddenly feeling the need to shield my eyes from his malevolent stare.

He scowled more deeply and tilted his head to the left, asking, "Hear what?" "That I'm 'useless in the grand scheme of life?'"

My body felt a surge of heat that made my cheeks crimson. My eyes darted desperately across the floor, a huge sense of embarrassment. Seeing neither Aria nor Mark, I resorted to gazing at my worn-out, dark chucks. I twiddled the loose threads that protruded from the sleeves of my sweater.

"I didn't mean for it to come out that way."

His voice cracking with rage, he said sarcastically, "Oh, I think you meant it!"

When I looked up, nostalgia choked me. His storm-filled eyes were a tornado of feelings, a far cry from his often reticent demeanor. As his eyes darted over mine, I attempted to seize the fleeting feelings, pulling out rage, disbelief, and the typical anguish; but beneath all of that, there was something more. Affected? Was my remark that big of an impact on him? I am not really certain.

"It's just that you don't bother anymore and I can't fail this class."

"So don't fail - Oh wait! You're going to fail no matter what because I'm your partner, not because you've given up."

I winced at the amount of sarcasm he employed. He crept forward, his eyes darting between my wide, confused ones. His close-up eyes were a mix of sea green and ocean blue that made my chest tighten with melancholy. The two of us being that close brought back a flood of memories from when we were freshmen, and I had to spit hard to keep the pain in my chest from rising.

"You used to be so different. What the hell happened to you?" he asked, shaking his head in disgust in a low-pitched voice that was heavy with despair.

Tyrone was so near to me that I could feel the heat radiating from his body, and I could still feel his thin fingers encircling my wrist, giving me little chills.

I snapped, attempting to yank my hand back, but he merely tightened his grip on me. "That's a bit rich coming from you, isn't it?"

My tone was far harsher than I would have imagined, and when I rolled my eyes, all the feelings spiraling behind his deep blue eyes vanished into an unfathomable abyss. He had reerected the wall he had constructed around himself over the previous ninety-five days, and I was once again staring into his lifeless, hollow eyes. I felt a chill go down my spine.

"Will you please just let me go?" I asked in a tense tone.

Tyrone let go of my wrist, flinching as if I were dog poop on his sneaks, and then he gave me a dirty, skin-crawling stare that made my insides turn to mush. I experienced a feeling I had forgotten for a long time that caused my chest to rise and fall like it did during a marathon run. His inability to take his eyes off of me seared into my cheeks, condensing all of his animosity toward me into that one look. Before it finally settled into the pit of my stomach, a huge weight flipped over twice inside of me. It must be the embarrassment, I reasoned.

Tyrone whirled around and ran down the hallway, leaving me behind among a hive of boisterous kids making their way to lunch. I grudgingly followed everyone as an uneasy weight of guilt added to the excruciating weight that was pressing on me.

I had an etched frown on my face by the time I saw Mark and Aria in our regular area.

I snapped, falling into my seat and tossing my packed lunch in front of me. "What are you guys grinning about?" I asked.

Aria echoed my tone, "What's lodged itself up your ass?" and I clenched my teeth.

I ripped mercilessly into my chicken wrap, "You don't even wanna know," and my friends arched an eyebrow.

Being the head of the Drama Club, Aria's pale green eyes followed every move I made as she talked nonstop about a new play she was starring in.

Mark asked, "You okay?" and I nodded, picking my nose a little before taking a sip of my water.

I trembled and played back Tyrone's murderous look while I chewed carefully, watching my pals quarrel about who knows what. My favorite wrapper tasted like cardboard and ash all of a sudden. Even though Aria and Mark tried to engage me in their talk, I found it difficult to keep up with them. Rather, I spit covertly into a paper napkin and drank more water to drown the bitter flavor. The only issue was that I had nothing to soothe the heat of Tyrone's soiled appearance.

My friends eventually gave up trying to include me, and I started to lose myself in my thoughts, reflecting on Tyrone and my complicated relationship. With my elbow resting on the table, I rested my head in my palm and reflected on the fact that, after ignoring me for a whole year, he had spoken to me that day.

Could we be strangers to someone I knew everything about? His McDonald's order, shoe size, pet peeves, strange phobia of hot sauce, and obsession with banana cake are all still fresh in my memory. However, I would run into a blank wall quicker than the speed of light if someone were to ask me what goes through Tyrone's mind.

With a gigantic yawn, I raised an eyebrow at my friends and snapped out of my reverie at the weight of two pairs of gazes.

"Sera, are you even listening to me?"

"No, no, keep talking! I always yawn when I'm interested."

Aria rolled her eyes as I waved my free hand dismissively. Mark chuckled and leaned across the table to tap her hand, and they shared a sly look before turning back to look at me. Mark then looked like a cat. Just as I was about to roll my eyes, Aria slid a poorly wrapped gift forward.

I looked at it warily. "And this is?"

Even though my pals know I love them no matter what, they would happily put a tarantula inside my sandwich and then expect me to laugh at them when I've finished it. Not before, not during, but after. Mirroring my indifference, Aria moved the fist-sized box closer to me on the table before I could even see it. Examining the antiquated packaging, I traced the snowflakes and Christmas cards with my fingers before laughing.

"Stop being such a grumpy cow and open it," she said with a smile that lit up her brown eyes.

I peered suspiciously at the crumpled and rumpled wrapping paper. It was covered with more tape than paper.

"And who wrapped this?" I asked as I slowly raised my head and allowed my gaze to dart between my pals.

Mark gave away his identity with a sheepish expression, and Aria gestured with her finger.

He ran a hand through his short black hair and said, "I watched so many DIY tutorials on how to wrap a present but it still came out terrible." "Sorry, Sera."

I gave him a quick, appreciative smile and whispered my gratitude, leaning against his chest as he gave me a quick, side hug. As I fought to remove all the adhesive tape and tore the paper to fragments, they both looked at me expectantly. I gasped as soon as I was able to get a glimpse of what was underneath.

"Guys, you shouldn't have!" I exclaimed, staring up at them.

I was overcome with appreciation as I opened my birthday present, a brand-new iPhone, and gaped at it.

Aria laughed and recalled how I had given Mark the silent treatment after he threw your old iPhone in my pool. "After this asshat dropped your last one in my pool, he suggested we get you a new one," Aria said.

When I reminded him of my last iPhone, he grimaced in apology, so I gave him a forgiving side hug and smiled gratefully at Aria again.

"That's the first time you've smiled properly today," she said, tilting her head to the left and grinning slightly.

At that comment, my smile faltered and my heart stopped. I shrugged my shoulders, feeling my grin falter as the pain in my chest that was meant to be grief returned. It required a lot of work to hold it there and to maintain my indifferent demeanor. I said goodbye to them as the last period bell rang and rushed to my Language lesson. I was seated next to George Scott, one of the most notorious soccer players at the school, which made me unhappy with the seating arrangement. The young man gained notoriety for his bigoted remarks, racial jokes. That in addition to his repugnant arrogance would have driven anyone insane.

Since Language (French) was undoubtedly my least favorite subject, having George in the class and the guilt I carried about with me made it impossible for me to focus. I was flipping through my textbook mindlessly when I started seeing pictures of Tyrone's icy gaze.

It simply goes to show how much our friendship had deteriorated over the previous four years, as it had been nagging me since the end of the fourth period. I would have laughed it off if someone had informed me before ninth grade that my future with Tyrone would not materialize. Considering everything we had been through together, it was absurd.

Since kindergarten, Taylor and I have spent nearly every day together. We do everything together, whether it be riding our bikes through their neighborhood, surfing at the beach, hanging out at the mall, or just idly watching movies at the theater. However, I had plenty of time during the last four years to come to terms with the fact that our relationship was over. I could see why it had fizzled out. We were unable to close far too many holes, the biggest of which was his twin sister.

Even if Taylor had known how much I, and we, loved each other, she would never have approved of our relationship. Given what he did to me in the ninth grade, I doubt the emotion was reciprocated. For her, the idea that her brother and closest friend could be anything other than lifelong friends was simply unthinkable.

She was always trying her hardest to watch out for me and was starting to act more and more like a father, so I didn't blame her. And no, that's not how I mean it literally. She simply tried to shield my heart from any hurt after witnessing me transform into a zombie monster after my ninth birthday.

She must not have realized that, in addition to helping to tear the rope keeping my heart together, she was unable to soften my fall as I fell hard.

I used to wonder why it hurt so badly even though we hadn't started dating. I had no idea that love could ruin a person even if it wasn't reciprocated. It might dismantle them piece by piece until they were left wondering, "Why was I foolish enough to give him everything I knew, knowing that some of those pieces would be lost forever if they fell apart?"

Perhaps that's why I felt like I had to be so mean to Tyrone today. I simply couldn't forgive him for stealing those aspects of myself and not wanting to give them back to me. So was calling him useless so out of order? Although I was aware that I had been harsh, he was aware that there was a great deal of truth in what I had said.

His best chance of receiving a soccer scholarship was destroyed when he resigned as the team captain, and even if he had intended to major in something different at college, his grades did not demonstrate his academic ability. All of his parents, instructors, and pupils were aware of his intelligence. However, his GPA of 4.0 had significantly declined, leaving him with little option but to take advantage of his wealthy parents.

I shook my head, trying to convince myself that there was nothing to be angry about. But I was disagreeing with myself deep down. Tyrone couldn't be so disconnected from reality as to not realize how much he had changed, even if all I did was speak the truth about his current situation.

After his twin sister died, everyone was aware of what he had become into.

Don't get me wrong; after my best friend passed away, I did attempt to assist him. He started down from the top, and I forced myself to look past my sadness and follow him. I put all of my issues aside, grew beyond the heartache he had given me, and looked past it all.

Nevertheless, he pushed me out.

Mark gave his closest pal whatever assistance he could. I tried everything I could to support the child who broke my heart. We all tried our hardest to support him, but all he did was close us off. He transformed from the affable young man he once was into this violent, impetuous monster that wreaked havoc everywhere in the space of a night.

Stories about how he showed up at school inebriated began to circulate. It was hard to go a day without hearing about his most recent destruction, and his extensive list of transgressions began to take center stage in conversations. The day he set fire to a teacher's car had to have been the wildest. Tyrone's unpredictable behavior eventually subsided and he stopped chasing for attention. Rather, he turned withdrawn and incredibly reticent.

I propped up my textbook to cover my tracks and fell asleep with the rest of the class, resting my head against the cool table. I shut my eyes, pressed my lips together, and, for once, didn't push Tyrone out of my thoughts whenever he appeared. I forced a ghostly grin to appear on my lips as I pushed past the dull aching in my chest.

I closed my eyes and ignored Mrs. Harper's chirpy presentation, grinning as recollections of the Davis twins from my earliest years slipped into my mind. I grinned quietly to myself as I mentally went through all of my favorite memories, one by one, reliving them as though I were in first grade. Before the twins spent hours chasing each other, I saw them playfully fight on the playground. Every day, when we rode our bikes outside their mansion, he would put his arms around both of us and proclaim us his best "girl" buddies.