CHAPTER 5

INDIFFERENT STUDENT

“What were you thinking that made you react that way?” Robby asks, taking his place beside me as we stare through the window.

“You already know what, Robby.” I respond without looking at him.

In the short time he has been my student, Robby knows so much about me, and he always shows too much concern and care for my situation. He gets me most of the things I need from the shops—my painting materials and all that I need for Lyana. It wasn't my intention to make him my errand boy; he just offered the services out of his own free will. And he insisted until I could not say no anymore. In all honesty, I appreciate him coming into my life.

He has a peaceful soul that I find so easy to relate to. Cool and never judgmental. He is kind, and the bond he has with Lyana is what I appreciate most. He is, all together, a nice guy! I don’t know anything else about him aside from him being my student, but he seems like such a nice guy. Just an honest opinion without anything else attached.

He takes my hand, caging me to his. “I know how hard this has been for you. Honestly, I admire you for having gone through this all, and you are still standing strong and with your sanity intact. Only the strong ones could have made it through all the struggles and pains. There is no doubt you are a strong gem, Ayana,” he smiles, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb, perhaps hoping to lighten my dull face.

I urge a weak sheepish smile, trying to free my hand before this becomes more awkward, but he does not let me. “Thank you,” I mumble, the awkwardness increasing because this has never happened.

We have always kept our distance, respecting the boundaries between a teacher and a student. Yeah, and the age gap too, because he is younger than I am. I don’t know why he forgot all that today.

“But how long can you bear it?” His voice echoes again, low but deep with empathy. I look at him, and I see a kind of concern that goes beyond what I have always seen in him. And even beyond what I expect from him. “You understand that this is no longer about you, but your baby too, Ayana. Her future depends on you.” Robby says, shifting in his posture to face me directly, aligning our features as if he wants me to see something.

Or maybe it is just me imagining my own things. I clear my voice, averting his stern gaze, because I don’t understand it at all. “I am still hoping that someday I will make it up for my child, Robby. Someday I will break free from this cage, but until then, I have to be strong for my child,” I say, and a ray of hope strokes my walls as the words of my ghost boyfriend echo in my head.

Now, talking of Jerry, my ghost boyfriend, I don't know how he got my number. I don't even know what he looks like. All I know is that he said we met a long time ago at one of my family’s events. He always jokes around my argument that I did not give him my number. And with the kind of influential and busy family we are, I cannot argue much. I can't remember even just a quarter of the faces I met when I was still a De’Mario. All the same, he messaged me a year ago after he missed me at several of my family’s occasions and meetings.

Since then, not a single day has gone by without us talking. He expressed his interest in me, and, as odd as it sounds, we fell in love on the phone. Hopefully, I am not making another mistake. His words give me hope, and he speaks nothing but his good and pure intentions for me. He does not know about Angel yet, but I am looking for a way to tell him. Call me desperate or whatever you want, but he is my only hope. And I trust in him. Well, so so. You know, after what I went through with that Robert fool, I don’t even know if what I feel for Jerry is love or just gratitude. Or maybe I am entertaining him because he is my hope for getting out of this place. Whatever the case, he makes me feel something, and he is my hope. That is enough for now.

“But when will that be, Ayana?” Robby catches me off-guard as he hugs my shoulders with his hands, something that I did not expect because, even though we are free, I believe it is not to this extent. Never has it been.

I am taken aback by his actions, my words refusing to come out, and the only reaction I can afford is to snap my eyes at him, perhaps to let him know that he is crossing the boundaries here. And we lock eyes, me in bewilderment and him speaking dominance. Dominance over whatever he thinks he is doing, which does not ring a bell to me at all. I have never seen him this way. I doubt he remembers that I am his teacher at this moment.

“Robby?” I whimper, but he doesn't move a muscle or blink. He is fixing his eyes on mine as if there is a message he is communicating. I shudder, but I still manage to hold myself. “What do you think you are doing?” I implore, trying to break free from his grip, but I fail.

The kid is annoyingly strong for his freaking age. But how old is he, anyway? I guess around 25? Well, he isn't a kid, but still, he should show some respect for his teacher.

“This is starting to break you, Ayana, and I cannot watch you break down. Please, let me help you. I have all the means to free you from this cage. Let me take you away from this cage.”