Prologue

Minerva’s POV

There’s something mystical about a woman touched by death—

especially one who’s also carrying life inside her.

My name is Minerva, derived from the name of the Roman

Goddess of Wisdom and Strategic War.

But deep inside…I lack of it. I lack wisdom. I lack the

desire to fight against the warring thoughts in my mind.

It’s like I want to give up and lash out at everyone, at the

same time just accept the death in front of me.

The death of love in front of me.

Derrick was everything to me. And now seeing him

drenched in his own blood, his unseeing eyes closed by the doctor,

his sun-kissed skin now have gone cold and pale forever…

It hurts. It’s like the pain wants to take over me, possess me

and never leave my side.

So this is how it felts like. This is pain. This is death. This

is—

I sucked in a sharp breath, willing myself to remain

standing, brushing away the relentless attempt of tears to blur my

eyes.

They say living is more difficult than dying.

That is now what I thought as they cover Derrick’s body

with a white cloth and brought him away from me. Life has taken

him away from me. From us.

I caressed my womb, the life in there—our baby—was

nothing more but a seed that is yet to grow.

And now she’s fatherless.

“Minerva…” Mariella, my bestfriend who works as a

nurse, gripped my ice-cold hand. Perhaps pain and sadness does

that to one’s own hands. “There is more to life than shedding tears

and pitying yourself. Your child needs you. We need you.”

I was ‘Wisdom’ who no longer has wisdom and courage

and will to live.

Derrick once told me that time passes like an endless

flowing river that constantly changes its current. And I was the

stone—drowning and going with the stream wherever storm or

flood it brings me.

I was nothing—who has everything inside me. My

daughter is everything. She is everything.

Derrick is everything to a nothing like me.

And it was Derrick who turned me into a fish, into

something that has the choice to go on with life or do it according

to what is good for me.

But now he’s gone…now my other everything is gone.

“Be strong, Minerva,” Mariella added, touching my hair,

my forehead, wiping away the tears I didn’t know have already

been falling from my face. “Be strong.”

Today is a special day since we’re supposed to go to our

wedding planner, yet I was standing here. Outside the door of the

hospital’s morgue.

“Go talk to him, sweetheart.” I looked at Ella with my teary

eyes. “I’ll go wait here.”

I entered inside and the two staff in-charge went outside,

hinting my need for privacy.

Derrick’s arm is still full of that vibrant tattoo of flowers

and bright letters, spelling out my first name in a gorgeous flowery

font.

“Thank you for the days that you made me feel everything.

I will never get over you, Derrick.” I know my voice is crooked

and dry, but I continued. “And I know that, as long as I live, I will

no longer meet another Derrick: the man who was going to be my

husband but ended up in another life. You are my bestfriend, my

love. My world.” Everything in the room felt cold and lifeless and

I felt a cold phantom hand caressed my cheeks.

I gripped the bracelet he gifted on our anniversary gently

on my side, treating it as my bleeding and breathing broken heart.

I can no longer count how many tears streamed down from

my soul for the past minutes—or hours, I don’t know. All I know

is that sadness consumed me like how a black hole swallowed a

star. “I’m not letting go, Derrick. Not now. Never.”

I know Mariella will tell me that I must not let gloom stay.

I must let go. For good.

But no. I will not. I will hold on.

I have loved him. Really. Truly. But sometimes, one has to

say goodbye.

I have to say goodbye.

But not entirely. Only in words.

“Goodbye, Derrick.” Then I walked away, laying my past

on his heart as I rested my palm atop his skin. My tears. “Goodbye,

my love…” Those were the last words I uttered before strolling

towards the door leading outside this too-silent room.

“Let’s go for a coffee? Maybe a tea?” But I barely heard

Mariella’s words against my silent sobs, my ears still hearing

Derrick’s laughter days ago.

They say if a story’s ending is not happy, it wasn’t yet the

ending.

But Derrick and I…

All I can say is that our story has just begun—and then it

ended in a blink.

And I know from now on, our happily ever after is nothing

but a dream that I’m just going to keep dreaming, because it will

never be a reality no matter what. Love indeed moves in a

mysterious way, so as life and death.

I looked up to the sky and the sunlight enveloped me with

graceful warmth, soothing my skin and calming my raging heart.

Calm.

Maybe there is light beyond gray skies. Maybe there is a

calm spring land waiting beyond harsh winter mountains.

But I know my soul will never be calmed now that he’s

gone.