Night out

I went to the bar to forget that everyone is teasing me that I am a single and virgin. I am beautiful but still single. I am saving myself for marriage but who the hell does that now? Everyone is enjoying sex and I am here deprived of it.

I went to the bar counter and order vodka.

I ordered two bottles. I had vodka and a glass in my hand. I was in a corner sitting by myself and enjoying the drink. I smiled.

I was talking to the bartender when a guy asked for a glass of water.

He was good-looking. He was good-looking. His hair was cut at length and was neatly done. His face had a little bit of dirt but his face was not so greasy. His blue eyes were clear and he was a bit of a mama’s boy. He was a little bit shy but he smiled when he saw me and ordered his glass of water. But who the hell orders water during a party?

He stood at the edge of the room and kept looking over at me. He had a small frame but an impressive chest. I looked at him and thought, “I am so sure he is gay.” But I just didn’t know. I just didn’t know.

His hair was tied in a ponytail and his chest was covered with a shirt. His shoulders and the entire back of his shirt were covered with tattoos and there was a small scar on his stomach. But I could not tell if it was a scar from surgery or from surgery scars. It was covered with a white piece of fabric.

He could have been a college student. He could have been anywhere. But I was in the middle of a party and had no idea what to do.

“So where are you from?” he said in a soft voice.

“Oh, I am from here,” I said. “I mean, I am from New Jersey.”

“Wow. I love your hair,” he said. “It is so soft.”

“Thank you,” I said and I smiled.

“I used to have hair like that,” he said and laughed. He was the last to talk but he said something about how he did not talk very much but now he talked a lot.

“You’ve been here for a while, right?” I said. “I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

He looked at me like he wasn’t sure if I was kidding or not.

“You are cute,” he said, “and I just wanted to say hi.”

His eyes got a little misty and he smiled.

“I don’t mean that in a bad way,” he said. “I just really like talking to you.”

I smiled and took a sip of my vodka.

“It’s really weird,” I said. “Like, you think a guy who isn’t even a complete stranger is talking to you about things like your hair and your music and your family. I don’t know what it means.”

He smiled at me, and I smiled back.

“So you are a doctor?” he asked as he looks at my coat that I forgot to remove earlier before coming here at the bar.

“Yeah,” I said. “Psychiatrist,”

He nodded.

"So, you're good at talking since you're a psychiatrist?"

I am not good at talking to people I don’t know.

I find myself in a lot of social situations, especially if there are a lot of people, and I do not know them. My lack of ease in social settings was one of the reasons why I thought I was shy when really I wasn’t shy at all. I have always gotten along fine with people in school. It was a college that was hard, especially for me. I had a bunch of girlfriends and I didn’t know who to trust or how to be with people who I did not know. I was always one of the girls who would text my friends during dinner with a comment about their food or laugh at a joke someone made. I would ask them about their day. I would talk with people at the coffee shop. I wasn’t shy about it. I would just sit there, listen and try to be polite.

I don’t understand how I am suddenly supposed to talk to a total stranger who I have just met in a crowded room and will never see again.

I hate social situations. And that’s not a lie.

I could say I hate parties and gatherings in general. It isn’t a lie. I can even say I hate going to bars. That’s not a lie either.

I don’t know what this weird conversation is.

Who am I talking to?

What should I be saying?

What am I going to say to his face?

Am I going to tell him I really want to suck him?

Or am I just going to act all sweet and polite and say ‘Hi’ and then run away?

Who am I?

I am an un-funny girl with a serious social phobia.

I’m a girl who has no friends.

I live in a place I hate.

I don’t know what to say when someone asks me a question.

It’s so weird.

So.

I’m just going to sit here in the corner and watch everyone as they talk.

It’s going to be fun.

Or, it will be a disaster.

That’s just what I’m going to do.

I was about to take another sip of my vodka when I noticed that it's becoming pretty weird that my eyes are slowly getting blurry.

I stood up and I felt dizzy.

This is not supposed to happen because vodka isn't even that strong for me to immediately get drunk after one shot.

"Excuse me," I said and tried to shoo away the stranger in front of me to go to the bathroom. I didn't like his looks, but I really needed to use the toilet. There were people already lined up at the bathroom. As I was trying to push in, he grabbed me by the arm. He didn't like the look of my blacktop either. I was wearing a nice pair of jeans, but the jacket I was wearing was very plain.

"Move," he told me in a very rude voice. "Out of the way."

"I'm not drunk," I said. "I just need to use the restroom."

"I'm not talking to you."

"I'm not talking to you either," I replied with an attitude.

"I just said, move it."

I turned to look back at my friends and was surprised to see several students were already there waiting to use the toilet. Some of them even had already finished using the bathroom.

"Hey, I said, I just want to use the bathroom. Leave me alone," I whispered into his ear. He shook me off.

"I'll go with you, Miss, and if you get lost in here, just stay close," he added.

"Thank you," I said and made my way through the line. The toilet seats were dirty. How disgusting. What did people use before a toilet seat was invented? I could smell cigarette smoke too.

I couldn't believe how many students were using the restroom already. The line was way too long. I decided to get on a stall and wait for my turn, but when I moved in, the line moved in front of me. I was still standing and the line had been going all over the restroom. I pushed past people, but they were still blocking the way in front of me.

Suddenly, someone bumped into me. It was the guy who was already standing in front of me. I didn't like that. I tried to move again, but I was blocking people.

"Excuse me, excuse me," I whispered as I bumped into people, trying to move to the front of the line.

He was still standing in front of me. I turned to look at him and saw that he was just a boy.

"Excuse me," I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said.

Then he took a step back and let me pass him. I looked at him. He was gorgeous. He had brownish-black hair and brown eyes. He was very handsome. He looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back.

"No, it's OK," I said, noticing that he was blocking other people.

I decided to push him.

"Excuse me," I said.

He looked surprised and turned to see what was going on. He started to move aside. I pushed him again.

"Excuse me," I said, pushing past him.

"Sorry, sorry," he said.

"It's OK, I'm just trying to get to the front of the line," I said.

"Oh. Well, I'm actually trying to get to the back of the line," he said.

"What are you doing here? You don't even look like you're here to enjoy this bar." I said and he looks at me surprised at my sudden remarks.

"Then what do you think I am doing here?"

"Probably to make out with me?" I jokingly said, feeling drunk and devastates that I am still a virgin.

"You wish, you wish." He said smiling before his face lit up into a smirk and he started to laugh with me.

I couldn't help but laugh with him. That smile of his has been making me hot and he knows that he can turn me into a raging horny woman with just one look and that's why he wants me to think he's only here to make out with me. His mind games are too much for me, I don't know if I can get over it. I don't even know if I can make it through the weekend with him, I hope I will since he's so very hot.

I have one final drink before I make my way home. What better way to make me get into a mood than to go to a place where I will get to feel the love and lust a girl like me deserves, I say to myself, I am not ashamed that I say it, it is what I want.

I head out on the dance floor, I am here to dance and not to be with anyone. If I see the right guy or if I fall madly in love with a guy who can take me as far as he can, I will tell him about us the next day. For now, I have tonight to have fun and try to get over myself. If I don't, no one will. I am in no way interested in the guy I met last night and I am sure that he doesn't want to get into anything else but I don't have time for anyone, not at this point. I was raised to believe that a girl should live her life to the fullest and I intend to do just that tonight. I have been having fun so far and I hope it continues till I pass out and I dream of the man I could spend my life with.

I finish my last drink and was planning to go home already when I saw the same guy from the bathroom. He looks really out of place. As if he just came here to find something or whatever. I went towards him and then when he saw me, I smiled at him and pulled him for a kiss. Oh gosh, this is my first kiss.

This guy is just so...so...sexy. But I can't help myself. He's just my type. He just said, "Hey, babe. What are you doing?" He was just so good to me. The more I look at him, I feel like I can't help myself. I just can't wait to get into his car. He took me to his car and he...started to unbutton my shirt. "Hey, baby," he said. I just couldn't help myself but smile and look at him.

We were having a really good time when suddenly, his cell phone rang. He grabbed it and he called someone. We decided to go to his car and he put on some music. When he answered the phone, I felt like he looked really strange.

He answered the phone and talked to the person on the other line. Then he put the phone down and said "Take them," and then he went to focus his attention to me again

And when our eyes locked again, I went on and kiss him again. He kissed me harder than ever before and I felt it in my blood like a fever that I wanted to ride forever.

Then the world slipped away and nothing in the world was any longer real except us. I looked down at myself, expecting to see my gown stained with sweat and filth. I looked down and instead I was wearing a short-sleeved velvet gown of emerald green silk. His hands slipped around my neck and pulled me down into another long kiss.

This time he made no attempt to stop me, he only kissed me as he had never before. He was rough and hungry, and when he released me at last, I was trembling and he was breathing hard.

He pulled his hands away, then slid his mouth down my neck to my breast.

'Kiss me again,' he said, 'and I'll be so hard I'll knock you out of your shoes.'

I did kiss him again, but this time he held my head in his hands. 'Now,' he said, and he lowered himself down to my mouth.

I had no idea what I was doing, but I had no choice. He tasted better than any wine, and my whole body tightened, like a cord around my stomach. I knew that I must be ready to die, and yet my eyes and body had no mind of their own. My hands and lips had no volition of their own.

He undressed me, as quickly as he had ever undressed any girl before, and put me into his bed. But he did not make love to me; he only lay back on the sheets and gazed at me.

I had never seen a man look at a woman so deeply, or so possessively. I loved his green eyes, and his thick head of black hair, and his hard chest with its deep bronze furrows. I loved the way he looked at me, with his wide-open face and the corners of his mouth turned down. It was as if he had looked at all the other women in the world, and decided that I was the most beautiful one of all.