6. Austin

I had no interest in her whatsoever till Thomas, revealed that even he had not touched her. The competitor or rather antagonist in me wanted, needed, suddenly craved to be the first. Merrigold was not all that appealing, I had sexually been with negroes who were much better looking over the past years. She was as thin as a stick, her lack of breasts weren't all that appealing either. She could have been flat chested for the hell of it but goodness... the meander of every hip and curve, although petite her backside moved me a little. Her structure could have been sculpture by the God's, it made up for her lemon sized breasts. I had assumed if she ate the right amount of food she would not be as thin as she is. She had the privilege of staying in the house and working in the house but she looked starved her collar bone scared me, almost screamed fragile. It was only recently that I realized, she gave her every share of food served in the house to her brother or Thomas or the niece. Who knows, Merrigold strikes me as a crackpot.

She had tried to get my attention as of recent but I ignored her. I did not wish to speak to her neither did I wish to have any sort of discussion about the changes that had occurred. For the most part, I was ashamed. Rejection was not something I took lightly. I knew Merrigold would be a hard one but I had not expected her to drive me to the brink of desperation. She was nothing special, not her face, not the way she spoke... nothing about her made me quiver. Not in the way William describes his significant other.

I would never consider myself racist, my preference in the courting scene had always been average Caucasian women. Women of my own class fatigued me to the point of no return. I had always preferred women below me. If Caucasian, they had to be bad off impoverished, flat broke and pinched off any money and of course the best part 'desperate'. If negroes, they had to be worth the chase. That being having a voluptuous provoking figure. For the most part, I enjoyed playing savior. I got off feeling as if I was saving them from something even if it meant I spent an awful lot on them. I needed them to depend on me for living means. The thought of them wanting to satisfy me for desperate means made me feel in control and somewhat made them my submissive. I needed them to submit to my demands.

Merrigold did not want to.

She could easily be replaced but no. I needed to prove a point to myself and her. I wanted to show her that she was not at all special. Once I had taken her virginity, it wouldn't even bother me if she was with Thomas in the Barn or the whole population of the men in this area. I would pay no mind to her. I would be done with this game and these shenanigans.

"Austin you never seem to pay mind to a word, I muster..."

Removing my palm from my chin, I straighten my stature as I turned to look at her. She seemed concerned. Grey eyes like mine, brown shoulder length hair and a genuine smile. "Are you well?" She asked.

"You should not have came unannounced, Bertha." I added in a gruff voice. "Shouldn't you be engrossed with taking care of your husband and my niece and nephew."

"Why, so I'm prohibited from checking in on my lovely twin brother..."

"Brother, your older brother." I corrected her.

"I still fail to understand why you loathe being a twin... after all these years Austin." She muttered thoughtfully. I thought I'd shrug at her statement but I decided to reply.

"I'd like to pretend, I did not share the womb with a girl." I replied. "Above all, I'm still the older twin so it—"  I was immediately cut off.

"Thank you so much, Lady Bertha. It's so beautiful and fits quite well." Merrigold did a twirl. I forced myself to look away because for a second I felt my breath falter. The dress fit her like a hand in glove, outlining all the meanders I found most appealing about Merrigold's body. Her waist line small and delicate—

"When it was gifted onto me, I just knew that it would look perfect on your with those curves." My sister added.

"I love it, although I'm afraid. I would never have anywhere or anything to dress up for. Perhaps I'd simply wear it for my own bliss then sit in my room." Merrigold added, a glimpse of sadness laced with her voice. When her eyes met mine, she then turned to leave. I could tell that with each passing day, her resentment for me grew. 'You could wear it on the day, I ravage you.' I thought to myself. There was no hiding that, I found her very attractive in that dress than the rest of her dull colored rags.

"I hope you're treating her well.." My sister broke my thoughts. Wistfully turning to look at her questionably.

"Whatever do you mean?" I chuckled.

"You could be a heartless bastard when it suits you." She said nonchalantly as if it was a well known fact.

"I'm the nicest lad around, don't be mean spirited towards your favorite brother." I mustered.

"Henry is my favorite brother not after the way you illtreated me as kids." Bertha said softly, for a moment I did not know if she was making a banter or being serious. Henry had always been the perfect son, our relationship had been none existent ever since he moved away and married.

"I have not spoken to Henry in over a year or is it two, the lad's still breathing?" I tried to lighten the mood.

Bertha only shrugged. "Would it kill you to apologize?"

"I do not recall doing anything wrong..."

"Austin, I have no idea why I even bother with you. Henry has always been a good brother to us both but you had to go and shag his wife! You're evil."

Second time, a woman had told me this in one week.

"She came onto me..." I let out.

"Apologize to Henry, he will forgive you."

"Sure.." I shrugged.

"Then you wonder why he left mother and father to hand you the estate.." Bertha reasoned. "He wants nothing to do with you especially not a shared inheritance."

"You're mistaken. He is simply a dimwit with a good heart who can not dare control negroes. Well I perfectly can... that's why I'm the best man for this job."

"Don't speak of them as if they're some type of animalistic breed..."

"Are they not? I simply said negroes, don't be problematic."

"This is why you will end up alone and miserable."

"Certainly not with these looks." I bit back.

"Enough about being a narcissistic retard, I have a friend that I'd like for you to meet. Blonde, blue eyes... a distant relative of Edward's that's staying with us for a bit. Very graceful, respectful, beautiful... you will be star struck."

"Here we go again Bertha!" I groaned out of annoyance.

"Just this once then I will let you be.."

"You never let me be."

"It's only out of love. Would it not be a gift if you had twins, Edward and I have stopped expecting it clearly we won't be having twins anytime soon."

"Do I look like someone in search of twins?" I cringed.

"Mother says you're probably the one who will have twins.."

"I'm excited." I said in a sadistic tone. "You should be heading out don't you think? Mrs. Dalton."

"Throwing me out already?"

"Can you imagine the horror?" I smirked.

"Wednesday, 7pm supper at mine. Harriet will be present. Good day then."

"I suppose... I could use a good la—"

"You're disgusting. Harriet is a well-bred Catholic girl. You will be disappointed if you assume she is one of those floozy's that you hang around that commit adultery and let you have your way."

"Why are you setting her up for disappointment then? I'm going to hurt her Bertha."

"You better not."

"I can not promise anything."

"Go on a few dates with her, she is a great girl."

Shrugging, I sighed.

"Good." My sister gave me a pat on the shoulder. "I have not seen Thomas anywhere, you know he is inseparable with our dear Merri."

I immediately felt repelled with disgust. I would not let her know that I was overworking him for my own damned reasons. What better place than the Gallagher ranch...

"You better get going then Mrs. Dalton."

"You can not wait to get rid of me...?"

"I would be lying if I said not at all." Shaking her head she then turned to leave. I felt relieved, she made me feel very uneasy with her confrontations. I hated overthinking, she did that for me. She made me second guess, she brought me down to earth. For a second, I regretted what I had done. She had that effect on me but I knew it only lasted a few minutes before I was back at it.

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