I Wanna Be...

"I know its hard being a single mother but I'd rather do it by myself than with someone who doesn't want to."

-Unknown

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_|Armani

"Mommy, mommy! What's this?" I watch my daughter struggle to read the print atop the envelope.

"Kai, come here. Let me see." She walks over to me and I place her on my lap as I take the letter from her hand and open it to read what is inside. "Aaaahhhh!"

"Aaaahhhh!" I laugh as I grab her head and apologize.

"I'm sorry Lovebug, mommy got a little excited. This is a letter from my publicist."

"What's that?"

"The person that is going to make all those words I have been writing for the past year and a half into a book."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It is a great thing! See, if people like my book, they are going to buy it, which means more money for us, and we can finally buy a nice home and move out of this dingy apartment. Would you like that?" Kai nods her head and claps happily. When there is a knock on the door, she hops out of my lap and runs to the door before I can even get out of my seat.

"Grandma, grandma we are going to make money!" I hear my mom laugh as she picks Kai up and places her on her hip before she walks into the apartment. I sit back and continue to sip my coffee while Kai explains how I am having my book published.

"So, my daughter is finally becoming an author."

"Yep mom and you doubted it would ever happen."

"No dear, I was just afraid that you would get so caught up in this writing career that you would miss out on other opportunities that could help you and Kai right now." I get up out of my seat and walk over to the sink to wash out my cup.

"Writing is what I love mom. I am sorry if you don't agree with the career choice, but I cannot help the fact that it is what I dream about night and day. Besides, Kai and I are doing just fine all on our own. Good things take time."

"I told you that you could stay with me until you got on your feet." I roll my eyes. She does not like the fact that I did not allow her to take care of us right after I graduated college. Independence is important to me, and it is how my dad raised me to think. Speaking of my dad, where is he?

"Yea mom, I know...where is daddy?"

"Working." I should have known.

"Like always."

"Don't be like that, he is just putting in over time lately for a new product. That is not what I came to discuss...your brother is getting married!"

"Are you serious?! Oh my gosh! When is the wedding?"

"In two weeks, so pack up because we are flying out to Hawaii! We already bought you and Kai's plane tickets." She is already making moves without consulting me first. I don't confront her about it though.

"Awesome, I will pay you back as soon as I can."

"Armani, stop it! You are being ridiculous. If I can't buy my daughter and granddaughter a plane ticket, then why am I here?" Before I can retaliate again, there is a knock on my door and I go to answer it. I open the door and standing behind it with the biggest grin on her face is Jewel, my future sister-in-law.

"Oh my gosh, Jewel, it is so nice to see you!"

"Yes, I missed you so much!" I pull her into my apartment in a tight hug. At first it used to bother me that my brother was dating a white girl, and only because I thought she would not fit into the family, but Jewel is a wonderful person and we get along better than I thought we would. "I am sure your mom has given you the news about my engagement!" She shows me her beautiful three diamond ring. I am so proud of Jo. He finally got some taste.

"Remind me to tell my brother good job next time I see him." I get a closer look at the ring. One day Prince Charming will ride in on a horse and band my finger with something that shows how much he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. A girl can dream, right?

"Well, how about seeing him a few days earlier?" I wrinkle my eyebrows in confusion. "Great! She kept it a surprise! Well, Armani...I feel that we have grown very close over the years and I don't think anyone else deserves the spot, but you! How would you like to come to Hawaii a week and a half earlier to be my maid of honor?"

I think my cheeks are going to bust from how hard I am smiling. "I would love to Jewel! I feel so honored." I pull her into another hug our of excitement.

"And little Kai will be the most beautiful flower girl the world has ever seen."

"What's that?" Kai asks me this while she squirms to get out of my mom's lap.

"You get to walk down the aisle in a very pretty dress and drop flowers all on the floor before I walk in." Jewel explains it to her and she starts smiling.

"Will there be glitter?" Jewel laughs and nods her head.

"There can be." Kai smiles even bigger. She loves dressing cute and loves anything shiny.

"So, we are leaving Tuesday morning, I hope that is enough time for you to get things worked out at work and stuff."

"As far as I am concerned, that job is behind me. My book is getting published and I am hoping it will soar in stores all over the country. Well that's the dream anyways."

"OH MY GOSH!! That's great! My maid of honor, the author! I have to go buy a copy as soon as I can! Just let me know when it is in stores. Smooches, see you in two days! Bye Mrs. Rich....I mean mom!" She squeals at the sound of calling my mom her mom. I cannot do anything but roll my eyes and laugh. Jewel is the queen of squealing and sometimes that is the down side to being around her. I still love her though. She hugs me one more time and goes over to hug my mother before leaving. I close and lock the door behind her.

"Honey, pray that we make it through this marriage." My mom rolls her eyes and sits down on the couch fanning herself. I walk into the kitchen to get her some water.

"Mom, you haven't warmed up to her yet?"

"Child, I am getting there. Something about her is just so off to me, but she really is a sweet girl and I can see she makes your brother happy so I am happy."

"Here drink this, and yea, I think she is a keeper. Where is Joseph anyways?"

"Where do you think child? Like father, like son." I roll my eyes. Ever since I can remember, Joseph always used to brag to me about how since he was the oldest and a boy he would get to take over my father's shoe company. That was never my dream anyways, but I guess he felt that since I was a daddy's girl that I was working to try and take over the company before he got the chance. It took him a while, but he finally got the hint that I did not care to take over the company.

If anything, I am nothing like my family when it comes to finances and a career choice. They make money through product and I plan to make money with my mind. Imagination can never run out.

"Well, Kai and I are about to take CoCo for a walk, so you can gladly join us, or you can relax here until we get back. It's up to you."

"I will be on my way. I have used up enough of your time. I only came by to tell you about the wedding. You two have fun. Kai, grandma is about to leave baby." Kai immediately runs out of her room and hugs my mom.

"I love you grandma."

"I love you too baby." She kisses her on the forehead.

"Okay Kai, we are going to walk CoCo, so go get her and put your shoes on." When she runs back into her room, I walk my mom to the door. "See you later mom."

"Mhm, Armani, I know I am always trying to change something about you, but I really am proud of you. Mama just loves her baby is all." I sigh and give her a small smile. She does not have to reassure me of her love every time she sees me. I know she loves me, we just view life differently sometimes. She really is like my best friend.

"I know, I know! Love you too mom." I give her a kiss on the cheek and she leaves down the hall. I shut the door and turn to see Kai rolling around on the floor with our little baby Pomeranian CoCo. She is in love with that little puppy that her daddy got just for her.

He loves her, he really does...it just did not work out between us.

I grab my laptop bag off the table and open the door ready to leave. "Come on Kai."

"Come on CoCo, let's walk!" Kai runs out the door with CoCo following behind her.

"Kai, walk not run! Slow down!" I make sure to lock the door and I follow them downstairs. They are already outside by the time I make it downstairs. When I walk out the door I bump into someone and I feel them catch me when I wobble a little.

"I'm sorry, Ma." I catch my balance and step back a little causing whoever it is to let go.

"No, you're good. My fault for rushing, but thank you." I look up and put my shades on.

"No problem. Where were you running off to in such a hurry?" I look down the street and see that Kai has stopped at a tree with CoCo so that the dog can pee.

"After my daughter, Kai!" I run off after her and she looks up at me and CoCo comes running towards me. She reaches my leg and starts to lick my ankle. I pick her up and carry her back to my daughter. "You cannot run off like that!" She knows better. She is so full of energy today.

"Sorry mommy, AAHH red light!" She grabs my hand and pulls me across the street along with the rest of the crowd. I don't know what I am going to do with this girl. When we get across the street, I put CoCo down and they run off into the park. I find me a bench to sit on and I watch both of them closely.

I pull out my laptop and start to work on one of my many books I have saved. Making sure to look up at my daughter every now and then. It is usually when I bring Kai to the park that I can concentrate the best because I am surrounded by life and reality. Sometimes different sights help influence my writing, or help my thoughts flow when I have writer's block.

"Look out!" A ball slightly misses me and hits the bench I am sitting on. I look back up and a little boy is running towards me. "I am sorry miss, can I have my ball back?"

"Sure sweetie. No harm done." I reach behind me and pick his ball up off the ground. Once I give him back his ball, he takes off running back in the direction that he came. A few seconds later and he is back over by me.

"Thank you." I laugh as he runs back before I can say you're welcome. I look up to see where he is running to and I see a guy looking back. When he catches my eye he starts walking towards me. Oh Lord, what could this be about. I look back down at my laptop pretending that I do not see him making his way over here. Maybe he is just finding a new position to throw the ball in. I know that is not true when I hear him stop in front of me.

"Hi, look, I'm sorry. My little brother sometimes gets caught up in the excitement and he tends to faze out." I look up at him and muster the best smile that I can.

"No, he is fine. Really!"

" Okay, thanks. I'll try to keep him out of your way." He hangs around longer.

"Thanks." I give him another smile and he turns to walk away slowly. Now all he has to do is keep walking and he won't have to face rejection.

"Look, I know you don't really know me, but you are a very beautiful woman and I just wanted to know if you would give me a chance to get to know you a little better." He says it super fast like he is afraid that I will interrupt before he can finish. When I look back up at him he has a new nervous demeanor, more so, than confident. I really hope I don't hurt him, but I have to keep it real with him.

"You seem really sweet, and you are very cute, but I..."

"Mommy, I think CoCo is sick..." Kai comes up to me carrying CoCo and she looks so worried. I look back up at the guy and I shrug.

"But I have a daughter I need to focus on right now." He looks kind of disappointed.

"Oh, I understand completely. I do."

"Yea, thanks. Nice meeting you though."

"Yea, you too." I place my laptop back into my bag and I grab Kai's hand as we walk back towards the apartment.

You know what my motto is?

I am a mother first.

Nothing and nobody will change that with my beautiful child and her beautiful spirit standing right beside me.