9

VANYA'S POV

I struggled to breath as my eyes fell on the fresh scar on his wrist. It wasn't just scar it was an imprint of blade on the skin. I ran my fingers softly over his wounds while staring at him who had his eyes closed.

The rapid sound of thumping of my heart became audible in contrast to his silent pain which was reflecting on his face. I bite my trembling lips and stood up only to pull out the blade from my pocket.

After taking one deep breath, I slide the sharp blade against the flesh of my wrist which made the blood to ooze out. There was no any pain, nothing but a hate for our messed up life. However I try, there was no point of fixing everything to the place of no return because I know that the pain which was scattered inside our heart will never let us free. And what can we expect when only pain remains?

" Now we are even." I whispered, bringing my wrist in front of him.

His gaze lingered over my wrist which was now covered with blood. He swallowed a lump down his throat then stared deep into my eyes. His eyes were burning with several emotions but like always there was that pain which was always present in them. He scooted a little more near the wall and put his head on his palms. His fingers twitched to pull out his hairs to ease the suffocation he was going through.

I sat on the floor and closed my eyes only to let my tears out which were threatening to fall from so long.

" W-Why?" I shuttered.

" It hurts. E-Everything hurts." He replied.

I know Atharv. The pain which you're going through was unbearable but I couldn't let you waste away your life. In one way or another, I was getting dependent on you. I know I am selfish but I need you to keep my senses sane.

I leaned closer to him and wrapped my arms around him. He placed his head on my shoulder and exhaled a shaky breath. My body relaxed automatically and a strange serenity overtook my heart. That's what I was taking about. The ecstasy which I feel with him, that made me forget about my pain.

" Don't hurt yourself Atharv otherwise I will hurt myself too." I whispered in a blunt tone and felt his muscles getting tensed.

He pulled himself away from me and stood up only to pull out the cotton bandages from his bag. I watched him with a sly smile when he sat and gently cleared the blood from my wrist and applied the bandage.

He then looked into my direction and bite his lips in helplessness. His tired eyes were moistened as he rubbed the side of his neck and pulled me into his tight embrace. The sound of his rough breath rang against my sensitive ear as I felt the wet tingle of his tears to roll down the skin of my neck. I wrapped my arms more tightly an clenched the fabric of his shirt to remove the suffocation which was building in my heart. Will this ever be over? Will we ever be able to get free from our pain?

" I won't but p-please don't even think about harming yourself." He said.

I nodded and my tears too escaped my eyes. There was something about his pain which was healing my scars but the suffocation was inevitable.

" We are fucked up, aren't we?" He chuckled dryly making me crack a laugh through my tears.

" More like pathetic individuals."

I added and then a plain silence spread between us. There were no words exchanged but us but like always the comfort of his arms was enough for me to dive into the pool of peace.

" I am scared of my future, Vanya. I won't be able to survive this pain for so long. The feel of blade against my skin is relaxing. It calms the storm of my nerves down."

He confessed in a guilty voice.

" Do you think that I will be able to survive my future?" Without you.