5. Hopeless

“Please, Peter,” I cried as I scrambled on the floor, my knees stinging from the pain of my body colliding with the ground as I stared at the door. Confused and scared, the pain in my heart was much worse than when my parents had died.

A feeling that was so hard to believe. Why didn't I see this coming? Why didn't I see through all those times when he showed love to me that they were all fake?

The question hung in my mind, a painful reminder of how blinded I’d been. My knees ached badly as they pressed against the floor.

The chill of the night bit into my skin, the icy wind stinging my cheeks and seeping into my bones. But it couldn’t compare to the cold emptiness within me, a void left by betrayal so complete it left me hollow.

This mansion had been the only thing that kept the memory of my parents alive in my mind, and now it was gone, stolen by the man I had trusted above all else.

I tried to pry myself up from the floor, my body aching from so much pain, as I stood there hopeless and lost about what to do. Where would I go? Who do I know that would accommodate me for the night? The question rang through my thoughts.

I had no friends, no family, no one to turn to. After my parents’ deaths, I’d poured every ounce of myself into Peter, losing sight of who I was, neglecting everything and everyone else. I had sacrificed so much for him, believing love could heal the cracks in my broken heart. But now, I had nothing. Not even myself.

I hated everything—the choices I’d made, my body, my life. How much I’d allowed myself to be tossed out like trash in my own house. Everything sucked. If only I were beautiful, maybe things would've been better. Maybe I wouldn't have to go through all this.

For a fleeting moment, my heart burned with the thought of revenge. But the spark fizzled out as quickly as it came, extinguished by the weight of my current state.

My body ached badly, the building looming against me as I looked back to have one last view of it. I felt so ashamed of myself, every muscle in my body aching with exhaustion and defeat. Crying wouldn’t change anything. Hating myself wouldn’t undo what had been done. Maybe Peter was right; maybe I really was better off gone. At least I wouldn’t have to live with this much pain.

I walked down the street with no hope of where to go, my feet tapping against the cold, hard ground, my vision blurred by a fresh wave of tears. The cold wind bit at my clothes, chilling me to the bone. The sound of thunderstorm roiled, warning of an impending storm.

My gaze drifted towards the passerby as their judgemental stares followed me, filled with sympathy and curiosity. They must’ve thought I was insane, but they didn’t bother to stop and ask questions. Their glances burned into my skin, making me feel the weight of the situation.

The first drops of rain fell softly, mingling with the tears on my cheeks. I knew it was a warning that it was going to rain soon, but I didn’t stop walking. The drizzle soon turned into a downpour, and my clothes started to get wet. My hair clung to my face as the cold bit into my skin, causing me to shiver.

I didn’t know how far I’d walked until I stumbled, my leg colliding with a pavement, stopping me from walking further. I looked around, trying to get a view of where I was, but nothing I could recognize appeared. The haze of rain and darkness clouded my gaze. But I managed to see a wooden bridge ahead under the light from the moon. Everywhere was quiet, with only the sound of the rain splashing against the ground.

“Oh,” I stammered, shivering from the cold as I wrapped my arms over my chest. As I walked further, heading towards the bridge, my mind raced through everything that had happened in my life since I was old enough to realize things—the pain of rejection right from childhood.

Maybe Peter was right. I could never be something other than the blubbering person they’d always seen me as. The thought of jumping off the bridge came into my mind when I got there. I walked closer to the barricade, resting my hand on it as I carefully looked down. The sight of the water made me feel that what I was about to do was a terrible idea, but I was way past consideration.

I stepped closer to the edge, gripping the wooden barricade as my breath came in shallow. The river surged angrily, the dark waters churning as it flowed and brushed against the shore.

Without hesitation, I climbed over the barricade. The rough wood creaked under my weight, almost at the verge of breaking. I fell forward, my body landing into the water with a deep splash.

The icy water surged through me, making my body shiver more as I began to sink. I closed my eyes and tried not to think of anything, but my mind kept diverting towards how things should’ve been. But it left immediately as the voice of Peter settled in.

“Even if you do every pathetic thing to try and please me, it won’t change a thing. I’ll never love you. You’ll never be anything more than a blubbering mess to me.” The cruel behavior of his mother and his lover flashed through my mind as the current continued to drag me down.

I was starting to suffocate from lack of oxygen when a slight hope filled me, one that I didn’t know where it came from. The desire to live came in like a comfort, and I moved my arms, thrashing against the water, trying to pull myself up to the surface to catch some air.

I tried moving my hands, trying so hard, but my weight kept dragging me down. I finally fought my way to the surface, gasping for air as my head broke through. I pushed forward, looking for anything to hold onto to prevent the water from carrying me away, but there was nothing.

“H…Help, somebody,” I called out, my heart thumping in my chest as the water started to carry me further. I looked around, the cold water making my vision blurry, my teeth gnashing against each other.

For a moment, I thought I was going to die until my eyes caught the headlight of a car and a guy rushing towards me. He took off his shirt and dived into the water.