Chapter Nine

That night Dezarae made dinner. Jeb helped. They worked together as the storm continued to rage on outside, dropping more snow.

Jeb noticed her manner seemed to be a bit reserved. Maybe I moved too fast for her but I just had to kiss those lips. “How did you get into this business?” He opened the oven and slid the shepherd’s pie inside.

Wiping down the counter, Dezarae spoke. “My father. I grew up in that shop. I think I was ‘restoring’ cars before I could walk.” She tossed the rag into the sink before grabbing two mugs for coffee and pouring some for them both.

After she led the way into the living room, they both sat on the couch, one on each end. Dezarae sat with her legs up in front of her, giving him a wonderful view of her fuzzy red slippers. “It has been in the family for generations. It was passed on from father to son.”

He arched a brow and she explained. “I was the only child. Momma died in childbirth with me, so he taught me.” A sad smile crossed her face. “Daddy never held it against me. But that is where I got my name from. While he wanted a son, he knew that Momma wanted a little girl. So he named me Dezarae; it means ‘to be desired,’ or something like that.”

He took a sip of coffee. Well, they were right, I desire you. “And Phoenix?” he asked.

“You know the legend of the Phoenix right? How it was born, from the ashes?” Jeb nodded. “Well, I arrived after Momma died so he called me Phoenix. He ignored everyone in the family saying he should remarry and have a woman raise me; he wanted to do it. So I went to work with him.”

She drank more coffee. “When he passed on, I inherited everything. And I have been here restoring old cars to their former glory ever since.”

“And marriage never crossed your mind? A family of your own?” he asked.

“Sure, but if you knew what the pickings were around here you would understand why I am not in any big rush. Besides, I am only twenty-seven. I have time yet. Plus, I don’t want a man who thinks he can come in and take over the business. I am fully capable of running it myself.”

You sure are. “What about Dale? Isn’t he interested in you?” Those gray eyes watched her reaction.

“Sure, but not in that way. He is sixty; and while he looks damn good for his age, that is just a bit extreme for me.”

He released a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “Oh, so, he is more like your father?”

“Exactly. Of course, he would like me to marry his son.” Dezarae smiled at the immediate frown that crossed the handsome man’s face.

I don’t think so. “And what do you think?”

“I think that Shawn is very nice. One of the more handsome men in the area, and we get along—”

“I thought you weren’t in any rush,” he interrupted.

The timer went off so, without responding, Dezarae rose gracefully from the couch and went into the kitchen to pull the food out of the oven. “Dinner’s ready.”

Jeb followed and stood in the kitchen, watching her move. She was poetry in motion. Her hair fell down around her shoulders in gentle waves. She captivated him.

Moving silently, he walked up behind her and placed his arms on either side of her, effectively trapping her between him and the counter. “You didn’t answer me,” he whispered in her ear.

Shuddering from the breath that skimmed her neck, Dezarae responded. “It’s time to eat.”

“That wasn’t the question, Firebird.” His lips moved along her earlobe.

“You never really asked a question. It was more like you made an observation or statement,” she corrected, obviously trying not to tremble.

“Allow me to rectify that now. Are you going to marry Shawn?” One hand moved her thick hair out of the way so his lips had access to her neck.

Eyes rolling into the back of her head, Dezarae swallowed. “I don’t know,” she squeaked.

He nibbled along her smooth skin. “Has he asked you?”

Locking her knees so she wouldn’t fall, Dezarae answered the man with the wicked lips. “Yes.”

Yes. His whole body stiffened as he pressed against her back. “And you said?”

“I said,” she halted. She apparently couldn’t concentrate. His lips were distracting enough but suddenly his hands were teasing as well. One ran up and down her arm while the other was tracing the curve of her hip.

“What? What did you say?” he whispered seductively.

“Did you ever want to do something regardless of what the ramifications would be?”

“Are you saying you married him?” The tone grew guarded.

Dezarae continued as if he hadn’t spoken at all. “Because the way I feel when you touch me or just look at me makes me want to forget the world outside even exists.” Her head fell back to rest against the hard planes of his chest.

“I feel it, too, Firebird. I feel it too.” He pulled her so she totally rested against him. “What are we going to do about it?”

Smiling sadly, she looked out the kitchen window and saw the stars in the night sky. “Nothing. We are going to do nothing.”

“Why? Why deny what we both want? What we both crave?” Jeb could hear the disappointment in her voice. Don’t give up on us, Firebird.

“Because you don’t know who you are,” Dezarae said, pulling away and carrying the dinner to the table.

Gray eyes narrowed to slits. “Jesus! What, you think I’m with the goddamn Klan because of my tat-too?” he thundered, spinning to face her.

“Don’t raise your voice to me,” she warned. Eyes that normally invited a man in to swim in their chocolaty depths grew unyielding.

“So what if I was with the Klan?! I don’t remember who I was!” he kept right on yelling.

“First, you need to not yell at me. Second, that wasn’t my reason at all.” Her movements were jerky as she took a chair and dished herself up some dinner. She totally ignored the man in her dining area.

Jeb groaned in frustration as he rubbed his temples. Silently, he sat across from her and prepared a plate for himself. He wanted her to talk to him, but he knew he owed her an apology.

“I’m sorry I yelled and I’m sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion. Will you tell me why we are going to do nothing about our feelings?”

“Because you may have a wife, fiancée, or girlfriend,” she answered with a wistful smile as she took a bite of food.

“But—”

“I know,” she interrupted. “You don’t remember. But they would and are probably worried sick about you. I know I would be.”

He ate in silence for a while. “And if I wasn’t married?”

Brown eyes swirled with heat. “Don’t make this any harder.”

Oh, it’s hard all right. “I don’t feel married.”

The hand that held the fork trembled as she set it carefully beside her plate. Dezarae met his gaze. “They will have the roads cleared tomorrow and I can get you to Shadyville. We will find out who you are and where you are supposed to be, so don’t begin something that has no future and would just wither and die.”

He put his fork down as well. Jeb slid his chair back to rise and walk around the table. At her side, he reached for her and drew her out of the chair, leading her to the couch.

Settling his lean body on the furniture, he tugged her down onto his lap. He used one strong arm to anchor her there he cupped her face with his free hand. “Didn’t you ever think this was where I was supposed to end up? Here with you?” His hand was gentle as it stroked her cheek. “How do you know this wouldn’t have a future, Dez? You are the one who has Phoenix in her name. You must believe that if it was meant to be, dying wouldn’t be a concern.” His hand drew her face closer to his until their lips almost touched. “For it would be reborn.”

Dezarae blinked, her eyes bright. “I can’t go through that kind of pain,” she whispered.

“I don’t understand.” His voice, too, was hushed.

“I can’t allow myself to feel anything for you. I don’t know you and it will be easier when you leave if I don’t let myself.” Her eyes welled up with tears.

“Don’t cry, Firebird. Please don’t cry.” His fingertips immediately wiped away the first few tears that escaped. “Don’t cry. It breaks my heart.”

“I’m sorry,” she sputtered before the floodgates opened and the tears just poured from her dark eyes.

With a tender smile, Jeb tucked her close to his chest and held her as she cried herself out. One hand pressed her head against his chest as the other one caressed her arm. He remembered comforting someone before; a female with big doe-like eyes. She’d sat in his lap and he’d held her like this. But who? Who was she? Why couldn’t he remember her name?

Jeb wanted to know who he was so he could prove to the woman in his arms they were meant to be. Things happened for a reason; he had been told that by someone before. Pushing the fact he couldn’t remember aside, he focused on offering silent support to the woman he knew. The one who was real and in his arms right now.

Dezarae cried it all out. The loss of her father, not knowing her mother. Everything. It had been so long since she had accepted comfort from another person. When her father died she had Dale, but he had also been consumed by his grief and it seemed she had done most of the comforting.

Some minutes later, the cotton of Jeb’s shirt was soaked with her tears but her sobs had subsided. Every now and then she would sniff but otherwise she just sat there in silence. Her fingers began to pluck the fabric of his top.

“Better now?” he asked gently.

Her head nodded against his chest as Dezarae continued to sniff. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m so embarrassed…”

“Everyone needs to cry from time to time,” he offered.

“I ruined your shirt,” she chuckled, pushing away from his chest.

“Tears never ruined anything.” He brushed away the remaining few tears from her face with his thumb.

“Make-up,” Dezarae joked.

“You don’t need make-up,” Jeb said honestly. “It would just hide your beauty from the world.”

With a wry smile she shook her head. “My make-up is car grease. I don’t dress up much here.” She shrugged and started to move off his lap only to be stopped by his steely arms.

“Stay. I like holding you.”

Dezarae found herself melting back against him as her brain scolded her. You shouldn’t do this! “Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder,” she said as one hand began to trail up and down his arm, sending electrical impulses through them both.

“You don’t need to thank me, Dez. I’m glad I could help. None of this changes how we feel towards one another, though.”

Reality. “We aren’t going to do anything,” she said as her face snuggled into the curve of his neck. In-haling, she smelled a purely masculine scent and it made her tremble all over again.

“And we are denying this mutual attraction because of something that may or may not be?” he asked as his hand began to tease the hem of her shirt.

“Yes. That and I am still hungry.” Her stomach growled at that moment, agreeing with her statement.

“Well, Firebird. Let’s go eat, then.” Jeb placed a light kiss on the top of her head before she left his lap and soon they were back in the kitchen finishing up their dinners