BEYOND THE WORDS!

- Hysacam the comeuuuuu Hysacam the comeuuuuuu !!! Mom !! Mom !! Hysacam lè come !! Scande my son

- Yes Lloyd I understood; tell Maîté to take out the trash, I'm coming myself to make sure that Hysacam doesn't take my trash bucket! The people there are too strong for that! I said

Here he is running around the house with his little feet there

- Maîî! Maîî ooooo! does he shout

- Yesiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

- Mom said you take out the trash

- [I taking him up again] Get out Lloyd…

- Maî mum said that you take out the trash

- Oh! Don't shout my name anymore, I get it!

And here is my brave little 7-year-old girl who valiantly pulls out my big trash bucket and crosses me in the yard. When I watch her walk outside, I think back to the circumstances surrounding her birth. Ah! The good times ! When my guy was still my guy! I shake my head sadly. I am Margaret ZOGO born MESSI, better known by the nickname of Maguie. 28 years old shortly, and mother of 02 children aged 7 and 3 both. I am a housewife, holder of a double degree first in Political Science then, in commercial action. Seeing the economic situation, I quickly did after my degree in political science to also train myself in a sector rather in demand in view of the start-ups which open all the time in the city of Douala. People will probably ask me that I first went to do what in SP but you see the kind that when you have the bacc you only follow the norr wave? I submitted my file in 3 different faculties of the University of Douala and it is the one where my name came out that I only followed.

I follow Mai outside and just barely recover my bucket! The people there I had told me! Always like that ! I go home and quickly finish my cooking. The father, coming here at 12:20 p.m., as he had the kindness to announce himself there, mustn't find that it's not cooked yet. Everything seemed perfect when we started! When did the gap widen so much???

Piiimmm Pimmmmm

That's it ! Arthur is already there, I quickly wipe my hands on my apron

- Maîîî!!!

- Yes mom !

- Hurry to open to your father

I run to my room to quickly recover from the deodorant and I swap my kaba for shorts and a close-fitting cotton T-shirt. Who's going to neglect themselves today that Arthur decides to be nice? I go to meet him

- Hello… I said shyly

- Honey from me (big smack) are you okay?

- [I lower my eyes lowered, a little surprised by her surge of love] It can be ok…

- Dad ! Dad ! What did you save for me?

- My big one is going to look in the back seat of the car

- Maité didn't come to open the gate for you? She is where I don't see her

- I asked her to quickly go and get me some cigarettes from the shop, there she is coming

- Hum… We said….

- I know what we said woman! But I need it once it won't kill 'em

- [Insistent] The pediatrician strongly advised against it! Remember they both have asthma.

- Maguie listen, I'm going to smoke on the veranda, isn't that better? Let me know when it's ready. I have to be in the office by 2 p.m.

And here is the leaden atmosphere. I set the table when he's lighting up his first cigarette

- Arthur it's ready

- I'm coming !

- The children will wash your hands

I settle in my place, and I install the little ones. We're waiting for their father… Lloyd tries to open one of the tureens. I gently pat her hand

- We're waiting for dad!

- [Protestant] But I'm hungry!

- Me too, mum! I'm very hungry too!

I sigh and get out of the table I go back to the veranda

- Arthur… the little ones are hungry…. We are only waiting for you

- Hey ! Do I have to eat now?! Start without me I'm coming! Can't we have some peace?!

I swallow the reply I had right there under my tongue and regain my countenance. I go back to my seat all smiles

- [Opening the tureens] Let's go Maî.. Dad will definitely join us later

- Tsiiiuuupppp your guy there is always like that

- May ! Don't ever talk about your father like that again!

- Ahh but esseu it is false then? He really likes doing that!

- [Lloyd, impatient] I'm hungry mum! I want to eat

I serve them food and accompany them out of politeness. I am absolutely no longer hungry. I don't really know when the situation got worse with Arthur, but between us it's really not that much anymore. I was even pleasantly surprised that he texted me earlier to tell me that he was coming back to this side at the break. They get out of the table, wash their hands and sit down in front of the TV. The siesta is for 2 p.m. I clear their plates and mine and go to my room to do some tidying up. I really need a cleaning lady, that will help me hold on because doing everything alone at some point is exhausting. I finish tidying up in my room when he shows up. He throws himself on the bed and turns on the tv in the bedroom.

- Ms., come and lie down here for a while

- Give me 1 minute to finish sorting the dirty laundry

- It can wait a bit norrr honey, you can do this when I'm gone

He said "honey" I think I understand what he wants. I ask the clothes I have in hand and I join him in bed. Without any preamble he undoes his fly

- Suck me…

I sigh inwardly and get down to it. He starts to growl

- You like my cock huh my slut

I didn't answer sorry that he does it ends I have work it's quite otherwise that I would like to make love. Suddenly it comes out of my mouth

- Take off my panties and go to bed

When I think that at one time he put darling or baby in it. Now there isn't even a preliminary if yes at Christmas or for my birthday! Without a word I run. I never had time to wet it penetrates me. I squint to bear the pain he ends his back and forth always on his dirty terms

- [Arthur in a trance] Say you like it when I get high

I still say nothing. He finishes and lies down.

- Say…

- Hmm?

- Arthur, I have to hire someone to help me here at home… I can't manage between the household chores and my little business, the laundry, repeating the children…

- They are on vacation

- Yes, but school starts again in a week. I'm tired, I don't have a minute to myself

- I already told you that I don't see what your cake business brings you

He does not know that I have added that of fresh vegetables and that the two together allow me to manage tontines and to have forecasts on the purchase of land shortly

- At least I don't ask you for money for my little needs

- It's true. Let's talk about it again please I have to get some sleep

- Ok… please think about it

Already he is no longer listening to me and is turning on his side to sleep well. I leave the room and go about my business.

Arthur the children and I are renting an apartment in the Cité Cicam in Douala. Rent and fixed charges don't leave much for Arthur to handle all the rest of our issues. So if I don't intervene by being an economic operator too, how are we going to get out of this? I deliver multi-flavored cakes, pancakes, puffed donuts 3 times a week throughout the city for transport costs. The other two days of the week I focus on selling cleaned vegetables. This helps me a lot to make ends meet without relying too much on Arthur. I quickly understood that in this country being dependent on a salary kills you little by little so be active and creative. I am organized enough to be able to manage my life as a housewife and my small business.

Things really went downhill with Arthur a while ago. The attentive, cuddly guy present from our beginnings very quickly became heavy revengeful, austere insensitive. To believe that his children and I are boring him. He comes back every night grumpy. He skips the chains and goes to bed. More hugs, more moments to ourselves, total abandonment. He hardly plays with his children. The few times I opened up I was told I'm complaining for nothing, mine even fits mine even rations some don't see their husbands for whole days, others don't have a ration of 'others are beaten all the time in short, in the land of the blind I am the one-eyed person. But no one to understand how much my heart bleeds in the face of all this insensitivity, in the face of this emotional abandonment. No more sweet words, no more attention, no more gestures of gallantry. I feel emotionally dead from the height of my almost 28 years. If this is marriage, then I sincerely hope that Maîté does not have the same type of relationship. I'd rather she never got married. Just as I would like Lloyd, unlike his father, to be a present and caring husband, an exemplary father. I want to understand that the job is stressful but we don't have to pay for it, the children and me! I want to understand that at 35 years old he already imagined himself at home but once again we don't have to pay the costs! I myself did not dream of this life. I dreamed of a bigger house, of being able to spoil my children to work somewhere to be fulfilled with my man. But man proposes God disposes. My phone rings, pulling me from my sad thoughts:

- Hello ? Maggie??

- Hello Mom, how are you?

- Yes yes, how is it? School starts again in a week, aren't you coming to leave the kids here for a bit?

- I'm going to do it the day after tomorrow, let me organize myself well with their father please

- Ok, but if I don't see them after tomorrow I'll pick them up myself. Otherwise how is it? My friend Tata Angé wants the folong

- It's tomorrow I'm washing norrr mum. I will only be able to deliver it at the beginning of the afternoon. Ask her if it's not too late for her

- Ok ok, I'll tell you good Marc told you?

- What?

- His box there confirmed it huh

- But that's good! Kudos to him!

- Now he has to find a woman, I know that for Joel there he won't be unemployed for long with the sector he has chosen.

We talk a bit more and then I hang up. I have two older sisters, Alma 32 years old in Sweden and Honorine 30 years old in the USA. I also have two little brothers Marc 26 years old and Joel 22 years old. Mom has been a widow since I was 14. Dad succumbed to a stroke and died a few hours later. It was his PLEG salary (general education high school teacher) and dad's pension that allowed us to get by. Luckily, Papa's older brother Uncle Emma agreed to subsidize Alma's trip and the chain was thus triggered. Once married Alma and her husband and even mother subsidized Hono's trip. She now takes it upon herself to try to get Joel up.

My phone is giving notifications and when I look I have two cake orders in close quarters: my luck! I prefer to wait for Arthur to leave first. Once he leaves at 2 p.m., I put the children to bed and reassure myself that they are asleep. There only I go to make my deliveries. I have no other choice but to do so since my neighbor Tata Solange stayed at her aunt's novena in the village, she is often the one who watches over them when I leave to deliver. I hurry to deliver and return. In the evening as usual I wash the little ones they have dinner we watch and they fall asleep. I then attack the cleaning of my vegetables that I will wash early tomorrow. Already knowing my man I have at least until 11 p.m. quiet in my work. He doesn't show up here until 11:30 midnight. At first I spoke it was the echo of my voice that came back to me now I'm not complaining anymore. Just focus your attention on something else and you're done. It takes me a good 3 hours to complete this job. I cut and put everything in my two large bowls. So far I have only taken the folong and the Ndole. I don't have an order from Nkwem or Okoribong. Midnight I'm in my bed when the horn is honked at the gate.

- Tssiiuupppp! This one I have already asked him to take measures so that when he returns he does not disturb anyone

I play deaf but the horns are insistent. I stamp my feet and get up angrily. I go and open only one side of the gate and go back to bed. Let him manage to open his own gate and go inside. I go back to bed and pull the blanket tightly around me. Moments later he enters the room and turns on the light

- [He is drunk] Mrs. ZOGO, what did you prepare?

Silence

- [He pulls my foot] I say huh, I'm not talking to you?

Silence

- Well, since you don't want to answer me, I'm going back to where I was.

I still don't react. He comes out of the room. That's it, fair winds! I hear pot noises as usual he comes back from his steps he wallows in the pots whatever the hour. I then hear him settle in the living room in front of the TV at almost 1am. Sleep takes me immediately

The next morning I get up at 5am, Arthur has slept on the couch. I ignore it and go to light my coal fire and put my biggest pot full of water in it. I'd like to be done washing the vegetables by 8am at the most, so I can handle the kids without worry. Arthur gets up from the couch at 6 a.m. sharp and gets ready. Fortunately, my external kitchen there never makes a turn. I join him in the room

- Hello Arthur

- [Cold] Bjr

That's it, the Arthur I've been seeing for some time is back. The cold, austere guy who's only happy when he's got one drink too many in his blood

- Mom would like the little ones to go to her house

- [Fixing his jacket on him] When?

- As soon as possible. School starts again in a week

- [Heading towards the door] Ok, then send them tomorrow

- All right. What about what I told you about yesterday?

- [Wrist in hand turning to me] What did you tell me about yesterday?

- Of my need for a cleaning lady Arthur

- Maguie you're alone in the house the children go to school a good part of the day you need a housekeeper for what exactly? No, I want to understand, explain to me!

- [On the verge of explosion] Arthur… I'm alone, I'm exhausted, I do this little business sometimes I have to go deliver, I have no one to watch over the children, you're never there…

- I'm working, I'll let you know!

- Yes I never said otherwise but I don't have a minute to myself Arthur

- How much does it cost ?

- I don't know, I'll negotiate for 40,000?

- 40,000 MESSI?

Hmm… When it's already my name that comes out like that, it's not a good sign

- Ok, even 30.000 then

- [Leaving the room] In any case, look, we'll see how to organize

- Thank you very much Arthur! And… Honey…..

- [Turning around] Hum when you cherish me like that, what do you want?

- Waaaa Arthur I came in peace this morning. The children's milk is almost finished and the freezer is almost empty.

- Hmm….

He doesn't say anything to me, and goes into the bedroom heading for the bathroom. I'm waiting for him but seeing that he's dragging on I go back to washing my vegetables. Mai is already up, I hear her brushing her teeth in their bathroom. My little darling… So valiant so awake. I have the impression that it was yesterday that she was still on my breast. I return to my vegetables to wash. Maï joins me there quickly

- Hello Ma

- [Kissing her on the forehead] How are you, my princess?

- Uhmm. Do you wash the vegetables yet?

- Yes my heart I have to deliver later. You are hungry ? I come to make you your bowl of milk?

- Yes please

I make her cup of milk which she takes in the kitchen there and I just hear Arthur's car start. This one says he left me what? I rush outside

- Arthur, are you leaving like this?

- How was I supposed to leave?

- I told you that there is almost nothing left here…

- Pffff MESSI I'm not the bank I've already told you when I give you the ration money manage it sparingly. It's not that you take advantage of it to make yourself beautiful and buy things

- Hum! You're not serious Arthur not even a little! Look at my nails, do you see varnish on them?? On my head isn't my own hair in the wind? I have to neglect myself up to what level for people to feel poverty on me? Soon you will ask me to walk naked! What does that even mean?

- Take ! I am late

- Like always. See you tomorrow !

I go back inside all pissed off and I go directly behind to turn my folong over the fire with my big spatula. I angrily wipe away the tear that runs down my cheek. Then suddenly I feel arms hugging my waist.

- [Mai hugs me from behind] It's going to be okay mum… Don't get angry anymore

I hug her tightly without a word. I don't know what is happening to us but I no longer recognize my husband. Sometimes I want to take my things and leave! But what am I going to explain to the children???