An ardent love

***Bedford Hills Correctional Facility for Women, New York***

- Miss Fabien you have visitors.

Sitting in my cell, I, Lucia Monica Fabien, was surely wondering if God had forgotten me. 10 years already since I traded my freedom against these walls. 10 years already since I rotted in prison. I had been found guilty of first degree murder. I who took an oath to take care of others by virtue of my profession.

How many times have I claimed my innocence?

-I did not kill him, I had shouted that day. When I arrived, he was already dead. I was just trying to see if I could revive him when you arrived.

I had insisted but unfortunately, all the evidence was against me. This man lying on the bed was my boyfriend. And that day, we were seen arguing violently in the middle of the street. It turns out that the latter cheated on me with another when he had promised me loyalty. The news reached me and it shocked me. So, I wanted to have an explanation on that. It is true that I went there much too strong in my steps. Because, when he refused to answer me, I had outright threatened to kill him if he didn't tell me who he had cheated on me with. No matter what I tried, he took his secret to the grave.

Late in the evening, I found the inert body of my darling, at home, in his bed. Sebastian, his name was. He was my childhood sweetheart. He and I had been engaged for 2 years and were planning to get married in the coming months. Preparations had already begun. And now he had just lost his life. Leaving me at the same time. What was to become of me? Apart from him, my sister and my only friend, I had no one else.

I worried about his death. Except that, I didn't know at the time that this wasn't the only bad news I was going to get today. As they had found me alone with him, they decided to investigate. The coroner had concluded days later to death by poisoning. And the first suspect in the investigation, of course, had been me. Who else but the deceived and hurt woman could be the murderer? Moreover, I had been found very close to the body. Don't we say that disappointment in love is a good motive for committing murder?

Losing my partner and my freedom on the same day, the nightmare was just beginning for me. Because, in addition to the sadness that swelled my heart, I was going to have to face worse than that if I ever wanted to be able to get out of all this. But I didn't know that yet.

I was taken directly to the police station. It was a high security prison. According to the authorities, it is as if I had been caught in the act. He said that I could escape if they let me go while the trial took place. So I was kept in this cage which became my home.

Later I was heard before a judge. The witnesses recounted what had happened in the morning, the day of the murder. All the members of the jury were unanimous about my guilt. For them, I was the murderer. This is how I was then sentenced to 25 years in prison. That was probably the worst day of my life.

The news hit me like a blow to the head. Poor me ! So young and having to spend all this time behind bars. I was at the height of my age. I was only 23 at the time. And my lawyer couldn't have done anything to save me the maximum sentence. When I leave, I won't be very young. A beautiful future ruined for this beautiful nurse who years earlier had taken the oath to save lives that I am. Isn't that quite ironic as a situation?

Even today, this story has marked me. Will I ever be able to move on? Will I be able to leave this hell? Today, I am only a shadow of myself. I despair of ever being able to leave here. After 10 years of confinement, we surely say to ourselves that it would be better to accept our fate and no longer hope. My first lawyer let me go as soon as the sentence was pronounced. In the meantime, another lawyer has taken my file in hand and it is the latter who has come to visit him at the moment. Honestly, I'm not expecting much from this interview.

In the hallway, I follow the guard at a snail's pace, leading me to my lawyer. Both my hands are handcuffed as a precaution. As if I was going to attack someone. Was it really necessary when you take into account that in 10 years I have never been at the heart of turbulence in the prison where I am? Since the start, I had understood nothing of all this relentlessness against my person.

Arrived in the room, they removed my handcuffs at the request of my lawyer who was offended yet again by the mode of treatment that I was reserved for. I greeted the latter and sat on the small chair arranged for this purpose behind the desk.

- How are you Moni? Asked my lawyer.

- I'm fine master. I'm trying to hold on, I replied sadly.

The lawyer smiled sympathetically and touched my hands in comfort. It has now been 2 years since she took over my file. She had the time to study this one well. It's a real maze but she doesn't let go.

Since then she has had time to get to know me. She firmly believes that I am innocent. To the delay of the first person who defended me. She has a lot of compassion for me. Even when I never understood his reasons. This is why Lisa LARSON, my lawyer, spends sleepless nights in order to find a solution for her client. She has so many times saluted the courage of this little woman who, despite all that she has suffered, remains standing. In his eyes I am a heroine.

10 years is almost half the sentence I received at the time of the judgment. Lisa had just appealed for the umpteenth time to submit a request for remission for me. It's not the first one that's going to fail, I tell myself every time. She had tried this procedure so many times already. And each time, it had been refused as I thought.

I did not know. But this time it was different. He had been answered favorably. So I was released for good behavior. This is what the lawyer had come to tell me today when I had already been on the verge of despair for a long time. Maybe that's why I didn't notice my lawyer looking different today. She was more jovial, relaxed...

-Listen Moni. I have good news for you. Your request for release for good behavior has been granted. You'll be out by the end of the week. Time to fill out some paperwork and you'll be out. I promised to do everything to get you out of here. Today, I come to you with the satisfaction of having kept my promise.

-Oh ! My God ! I make tears flow.

I couldn't believe my ears. So much so that I asked the lawyer to repeat the information several times before bursting into tears again. No I was not sad. This is not the kind of information that will cause these kinds of emotions. Tears of joy were streaming down my stunted cheekbones. I was finally going to see something other than this filthy cell that served as my home. Soon I would see what the outside looks like. And that was all I had ever given up.

I was so moved that I got up from my chair and ran to kiss Lisa. I hugged her so tight I could have crushed her bones. Fortunately, in prison, the meals are not the best... My guardian angel had kept his promise. And at this time a thank you would be too little.

- Is it true that I'm going out? I repeat again like a parrot. Tell me master, you're not kidding me, are you?

-No Moni, answered the lawyer. You are free now, she reassures me.

For me, a new life had just begun. This was the beginning of the end. Well, I got way too carried away. Because, if behind this cell I was not in my place. I was soon to trade my place for another prison. A much more golden one of course. This does not mean that it was a prison. And that was not the worst in history.